


Past the Edge of Reason

by Cheri_Goodman



Series: The Reason Series [1]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Ending, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Mates, Protective Edward Cullen, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 63,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheri_Goodman/pseuds/Cheri_Goodman
Summary: The question isn't what Edward would do to protect Bella. It's what he wouldn't do. And the answer is nothing — even kidnapping.Twilight AU, vampfic. *4th place winner in TwiFanfiction Recs Top 10 Completed Fics in April 2020*
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: The Reason Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083089
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. No Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows canon up until Chapter 19, 'Goodbyes', of the original Twilight novel, at the point where Bella was going to leave with Alice and Jasper. We spin wildly out of control from there. ;) I originally wrote this story ten years ago but never finished it. I'm now redoing it as I go, and it will be finished this time.

XOXOXOXO

_from Twilight, Chapter 19, 'Goodbyes', pg. 403_

_"Let's go." Carlisle began to walk toward the kitchen._

_But Edward was at my side at once. He caught me up in his iron grip, crushing me to him. He seemed unaware of his watching family as he pulled my face to his, lifting my feet off the floor. For the shortest second, his lips were icy and hard against mine..._

XOXOXOXO

Past the Edge of Reason - Chapter 1

Thinking back on it later, I would be fairly certain it was that last, desperate kiss goodbye that caused him to snap; to realize that goodbye was something he couldn't handle.

Edward had been ready to release me into Jasper and Alice's care, however reluctantly. Of that I was certain. He hadn't been faking his agreement with our plan. He hadn't planned what happened next ahead of time.

But suddenly, the grip of his arms around me was almost painful, causing my eyes to snap open. When I focused on him, his eyes were already open, fixed on me, with a wild look in them that I had never before seen on his beautiful face. It looked a lot like...panic.

He had still yet to allow my feet to touch the floor again...

And then, suddenly, Alice surged toward us.

"Edward! No!"

I'll probably never know whether Alice had seen the same look in his eyes as I did, or if it was the future she was seeing as Edward panicked and made his snap decision. In fact, the only thing I could be completely certain of was Edward's reaction.

The close proximity of his mouth to my ear must have made his snarl sound more fierce and menacing than it could have truly been, I had time to ponder absently. Because surely, he wouldn't growl at _Alice_ as though he fully intended to hurt her if she took even one step closer to us.

And that was the last thought I had time for, because then I was flying.

Somehow, he'd maneuvered my body so that he clutched me against his chest with his arm under my knees as he burst out of the Cullen home, with me in his arms, at vampire speed. I tensed for him to take off running, but he didn't go far.

"Edward!" I managed to gasp as he ripped open the driver's door of Emmett's huge Jeep, still parked just outside the home. He went right in the driver's door with me, rather unceremoniously depositing me into the passenger's seat. I heard the engine fire up almost immediately, and we took off backwards so abruptly that it flung my body forward - right into the steel pole that was Edward's arm, catching me and pushing me back into the seat.

"What's going on? What are you doing?" My voice was breathless, shocked.

"Seatbelt, Bella. Now. Put on the harness as best you can." His voice was outwardly calm, if slightly raised. But his eyes still held that wild look of panic as he turned the Jeep around in a stomach-lurching move with one hand, still holding me upright with the other arm.

I actually screamed when I saw Emmett standing right in our path. It was a reflex reaction and a somewhat needless one at that. I had already seen, after all, the effect of just one vampire hand against a vehicle. The vampire wins. Tyler Crowley's death van would never be the same.

But Emmett wasn't moving and Edward wasn't slowing down, and I wasn't entirely sure what the outcome would be if Edward slammed into his brother at full force. But at the very last moment, Emmett looked to the side, as though someone had called his name. I saw a flash of what looked like reluctance - or maybe disappointment? - cross his face, and then he jumped out of the way over us at the very last moment.

Spinning around to look out the back window, I saw the entire Cullen family with the exception of Rosalie - who was most likely still inside pouting - all standing a few yards from Emmett. They watched us disappear into the night. They were all as still as statues, and it hit me at that moment...

They had decided to let him go. Edward and I were on our own, and he clearly had no intention of abiding by my version of the plan; he had decided to do this his way. Looking at his determined face, fully aware of the fact that I could physically stop him from nothing, low-level panic started to seep its way through me.

Panic wasn't a thing I could deal with, right then. Anger is much easier. I felt a sudden flood of rebellion at being handled like a sack of flour. He had, for all intents and purposes, _kidnapped_ me. I considered defying him completely in the only way I could: ignoring his command to strap myself in.

One look at the speedometer, however, and I amended that rebellion, slightly. I'd at least put on the seatbelt. But I'd been belted into that ridiculous off-road harness for the last time today, 115 miles per hour or not.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Edward, you have to take me back."

"No."

"Edward..."

"You're not leaving my sight until James is dead. Victoria too, for that matter."

We'd been having the same pointless conversation, in varying forms, for at least the past 30 minutes. After one particularly heated version of it, I'd made the mistake of slinging off my seatbelt and trying to open the door to remove myself from the Jeep, whether he agreed or not. It had at least had the effect of making Edward slam on the brakes, but letting me out of the Jeep hadn't been in his immediate plan. Glaring at me and making sure it didn't happen again, on the other hand, seemed to be the key elements of the plan.

So by _this_ particular rehashing of the same argument, I was now belted quite securely-thank-you-very-much into the harness, with the added security of one of Edward's hands closed like an icy vise around my closest wrist - keeping me from jumping out of the Jeep, even if I could manage to undo the straps with the other hand.

I no longer had any idea how fast we were going, because I couldn't even lean over to look, thanks to the tight harness. But it was fast enough _without_ him driving one-handed, I thought to myself, bitterly.

With an angry sigh, I shifted tactics. This was the first time he'd mentioned the redheaded female vampire, so at least we'd have something new to argue about.

"Why Victoria too? Does she want to kill me now too, like James?"

He was grinding his teeth so hard that I could hear it even over the souped-up engine of the Jeep. "Not yet, but she will when we're done with James. He's her mate."

"Her mate?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," he replied, as though that explained everything. The tight set of his jaw said that he didn't really want to discuss it in further detail, either.

It was maddening. Perhaps instead of Googling books on Quileute legends, I should have looked for some kind of handbook - _Understanding Your Vampire: a Glossary and Instruction Manual for Humans Who've Lost Their Damn Minds._

"I don't understand," I told him, clenching my teeth in a way that almost rivaled his own tense pose.

For some reason I didn't understand, his eyes softened a bit as they flicked over to me. "I know. I know."

My own anger melted slightly at his softer look, and _damn him and his dazzle_ , suddenly I was willing to let him get away with that ridiculously evasive answer. "But _you_ understand it. I mean, why she's going to want to kill me. It makes sense to you."

Again he looked at me, something unreadable in his eyes. His hand on my arm tightened almost imperceptibly, but loosened back up when I winced. He'd already been holding onto me as tightly as he could without causing me pain. Instead, his other hand clamped down on the steering wheel so hard that I thought I heard something crack, and I suspected he was leaving indentions in the huge, leather-wrapped wheel. He didn't glance at the road for several seconds, his eyes fixed on me and holding me far more captive than his hands ever could.

"Yes," he told me, more emotion packed into that word than I could truly grasp. He finally looked back at the road, his expression hard and impassive once again. His foot pressed impossibly harder on the gas. When he did speak a few seconds later, the dangerous tone of his voice chilled my blood. "The same reason that I'm going to kill _her_. We don't - vampires don't give second chances when it comes to someone harming our mates, Bella."

Like a complete coward, I didn't pursue the obvious implication. I turned to stare out the window, instead, trying to ignore the grip of his hand on my arm. Right now, I didn't feel like I'd ever be his mate. I felt like his prisoner.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I thought they were going to follow us," he murmured to himself several quiet hours later, making me jump. I hadn't been asleep, but I hadn't exactly been awake, either. Looking down, I saw that he still maintained the same grip on me, only slightly looser and higher up my arm. He must have decided that circulation was important, I grumbled in my mind.

"James and Victoria?" I asked out loud, somewhat groggily, noticing that the sun would be coming up within a couple hours.

"No, my family." He seemed confused, focused, concentrating on something. I suspected he'd been focused like that for some time. "They're not within miles of us. I can't hear them. I _haven't_ heard them. I assumed they would try to stop me. But I don't hear James either."

Looking over at me, finally, he blinked in surprise at what he saw. "My God...Bella. I'm sorry. I'll stop at the next exit."

I tried again to lean forward to see the answer to my question for myself, but I was pulled up short by the harness. "Are we almost out of gas?"

"I...no, Rosalie likes to be prepared for anything, so she modifies all of Emmett's vehicles. She installed a second large fuel tank, and we have an extra canister of fuel as well. No, Bella, we'll stop for _you_. You need to eat something. Drink something. I'm so sorry. You should have said something."

I had not 'woke up' in a good mood. My bladder was full. I had a serious case of PMS. My patience with being kidnapped and strapped into an off-road harness, so tightly that I could barely move, had worn dangerously thin before it ever really started.

"Does the prisoner get a shower too?" I carped at him, hating the way I sounded but seriously on the brink of losing my mind.

He flinched at that one, and for once, his discomfort left me with a very satisfied feeling. But then he turned to me with apology in his eyes, and I almost softened. Almost.

Suddenly, however, his expression changed dramatically, from chagrin to amused affection as his eyes roved over my face. Something he saw caused his lips to twitch in an approximation of the crooked smile I love so much. A soft chuckle escaped him, and his eyes had the audacity to twinkle at me as he _laughed at me._

"Yes, Bella, your captors are humane," he teased. Biting back another smile at the obvious fury on my face, he moved his hand down from my arm to my fingers, taking them in his own and giving them a light squeeze before I angrily yanked my hand away. Of course, I knew full well that I'd only succeeded in doing so because he allowed it, and that only annoyed me further.

There was still an amused smile in his voice as he stretched the offending arm along the seatback behind me, not quite daring to touch me but making sure I knew he was still there. "I'll find us a place to stay for a little while."

I spared him one glare before turning to stare out the window. I didn't really hear the words that left his lips next, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of asking, either. It sounded a lot like, "My angry kitten." Whatever that meant.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

His wealthy sensibilities and his noble ones as well seemed to be insulted by the only lodging available in the near vicinity. Maybe I'd sounded like a spoiled child in the Jeep. But Edward sounded a little bit like one as he made a huge deal out of having to take me to what amounted to a cheap roach hotel. He'd dragged me to the middle of freaking nowhere. What did he expect, the Ritz Carlton? I truly wasn't in the mood.

Of course, that experience paled in comparison to going Wal-martin' with Edward. His Majesty had decided to fly the coop with me _without_ the bag we'd packed at Charlie's house, so I not only had nothing to wear, I also had no toiletries. Our hotel definitely wasn't the type that could provide those things, and this town only had one store. By some miracle, it was a 24-hour Wal-Mart.

Since he refused to let me out of his sight or even to break physical contact with me - he kept one arm wrapped _tightly_ around my waist from the moment we left the Jeep, as his eyes constantly scanned the area - I had no choice but to fill up a shopping cart right in front of Edward. Each item was more blush-inspiring than the last: cheap jeans, sweatshirt, pajamas with huge deranged smiley faces that might actually be the death of me, standard toiletries, bra, panties, tampons...

Somewhere near the end of that list and after the third time I tried unsuccessfully to break his grip on me so that I could make an attempt to preserve some dignity by hiding from him what I was buying, I finally decided that if I was going to have to suffer, then I was taking my turn-of-the-century vampire with me. I made sure, in addition to a nice basic set of underthings, to throw a black lace thong and push-up bra in the cart right in front of his ever-watchful eyes. Too bad vampires can't blush.

In contrast with the unmentionables, the tampons actually had no effect on him at all, much to my disappointment. He didn't even bat an eye. It suddenly occurred to me that my cycles were probably not any great surprise to Edward. He probably knew before I did when it was time. _My_ turn to cringe.

And then it was my turn to cringe again, when he insisted on paying for _everything_. I'd forgotten about that part, but it wasn't as though I'd been allowed to come prepared, either.

By the time I finally staggered into our hotel room with Edward right on my heels, where he promptly pushed me behind him the moment the door closed, until he could be sure we were truly alone, we had only minutes before the sun was going to be coming up.

When I glimpsed my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I forgave Edward instantly for laughing at me earlier. I'd have laughed at me too. My hair was in knots, sticking out in clumps all over my head. My face was a mess, and on the entire right side of my face there appeared to be a near permanent impression of every detail of the passenger windowsill where I'd been leaning my head. I could only imagine how bad it'd been when I'd first sat up to talk to him. And _oh dear God,_ then he'd taken me out in public like that. If _I_ didn't kill him for the whole kidnapping thing, _Alice_ was going to finish him off for that one offense alone.

With a loud groan, I flopped back against the wall in exhaustion. I was almost too much of a mess to clean up.

"Bella?"

I very nearly jumped right out of my skin his voice was so close. For just a second, I thought he was _in_ the bathroom.

"I'm fine," I called back, seeing the shadow of his shoes standing right outside the door. It was a minor miracle that he actually _wasn't_ in the bathroom with me, so I should have known he'd be sticking close, listening to every sound. I was too tired to even sound irritated.

Somehow I made it through a shower, combed the tangles out of my wet hair, brushed my teeth - and then realized I'd brought no clothes into the bathroom with me.

Hesitating, I looked down at the pile of clothes I'd dropped to the floor, and then wrinkled my nose. No way I was putting any of it back on right now. And _no_ _way_ was I asking Edward to go pawing through my Wal-Mart bags and bring me some panties and those ridiculous smiley-face pajamas, even if it would be sort of fun to make him hyperventilate over whether or not it was the thong that I wanted. No, Edward was just going to have to deal with half-naked Bella. If he didn't like it, then he really shouldn't be kidnapping teenage girls and locking them into hotel rooms with him, should he? Wrapping the tiny, flimsy towel as tightly around myself as I could, I opened the door. I almost ran right into him.

His eyes widened as they automatically ran down my form and snapped quickly back to my face. His mouth hung open slightly. Well, at least I'd found _one_ way to get him to give me some space. He backed up so fast that if he'd not been a super-graceful vampire, he'd have landed right on his butt.

"I forgot my clothes," I informed him bluntly, as though daring him to challenge me on it.

He nodded, sort of noncommittally. Edward speechless. There was a first.

Another scowl came to my face when I pushed past him to the shopping bag and pulled out those ridiculous smiley pajamas. They had constituted exactly 50% of the pajama selection in my size in the local store. It had been either that or the pink princess ones, and I hadn't fallen quite that far yet, I didn't think.

"Um, Bella..."

"Hm?" I asked, a little distracted. I was madder than a hornet at him, and Alice would be the first to confirm that I didn't exactly write the book on fashion anyway. But I still wasn't sure I wanted Edward to see me in these. Even I had my limits.

"Emmett had a spare bag in the Jeep. There's a t-shirt, some sweatpants. I thought maybe..."

I dropped the deranged smileys and whirled around to look for Emmett's bag so fast that I almost dropped the towel. Edward kept his eyes carefully on my face, but there was a hint of a smile there again when he saw how eagerly I responded to his suggestion. "I'm quite certain they'll swallow you whole, but I thought you might prefer them." He lost his battle with the smirk as he motioned toward the pajamas I'd just rejected. "It wouldn't do for your rest to be interrupted by nightmares. I've no doubt you'll have enough to say to me in your sleep tonight as it is."

I'm not sure what about his gorgeous smile and sweet gesture completely undid me, but every bit of fight fled from me in the span of a heartbeat. Forgetting my state of dress, I crossed the distance between us in three steps and crashed into his chest, my arms instantly winding around his waist.

His reaction was more tentative, as I heard him draw in a sharp gasp of surprise. I could feel his hands hovering just alongside my shoulders, but he seemed unsure whether or not he should touch me, considering I was as close to naked as I could get without being completely uncovered.

But when the first completely overwhelmed sob pushed its way up through my chest and out of my mouth against his hard, cold chest, he forgot all about propriety and his rules. His arms wrapped tightly around me, cradling me to him and one hand fisting itself in my wet hair.

"Oh, Bella...shhhh...it's going to be okay, sweetheart."

I only clung to him more tightly, sobbing harder. I cried for Charlie and the way I had hurt him, for Edward and the position he'd been put in, for the Cullen family being drawn into this, and for myself for more reasons than I could count.

Edward sank to the floor like he'd been sucker-punched in the gut, taking me down with him onto his lap, with me leaning sideways against his chest. My tears definitely had an effect on him. His voice tremored, matching the tremors wracking my body. "Bella, please don't cry. I'm not going to hurt you, and I _promise_ I won't let anything happen to you. I'll keep you safe, I swear it, and when this is over I'll take you back to Charlie. You're safe with me."

It was such a complete 180-degree turn from what he'd been trying to tell me for months: that he was the most dangerous thing imaginable to me. The irony hit me like a sledgehammer, ripping a slightly hysterical giggle from my throat. That, too, turned into a hard, shuddering sob, which in turn, caused Edward to pull me even closer against him. I could feel his tension through my entire body.

It was pure desperation that drove my lips to his, as I turned my head to face him and sought out his mouth.

"Edward..." I moaned against his lips, grasping his face and kissing him with no restraint at all. To my surprise, he kissed me back with a surprising amount of ferocity, causing me to gasp into his mouth. His hand, still tangled in my hair, held me still as he pressed his mouth against mine slightly harder in response, sliding our lips together over and over. I parted my lips, and I was shocked to feel his cool tongue sweep in to taste me, something he'd never allowed before.

I tried to turn in his arms, intent on straddling his lap and facing him. But unsurprisingly, his hands shot to my waist and restrained me from doing so, even as his tongue continued to plunder my mouth and dance with my own.

He groaned almost as though he was in pain, his fingers gripping more tightly at my waist. I was acutely aware of one of his cold hands against bare skin where the towel had fallen slightly open at the side. The sound of his own enjoyment shot a flood of arousal through my entire body, prompting me to try again to turn and face him.

"Bella...time to stop, love." The raspy timbre of his voice left me with no doubt he'd rather do just about _anything_ than stop. His tongue had retreated, but his lips were still firm and demanding against mine when he captured them again.

"Please, Edward, I need you..." I murmured against his lips. It had never worked before, but I'd never been dressed in only a towel, in his lap, with my life in danger from a sadistic vampire tracker, either.

"As I need you, Bella, but this isn't right." He still sounded pained enough that I thought I had a hope of convincing him.

"It _feels_ right," I told him, undeterred by the fact that he wouldn't let me kiss him on the lips again. I just went for his spectacular jawline instead.

"It feels _amazing_ , but even if it were possible for us to take this any farther, this is not the way I'd ever let it happen."

I sighed and pulled back until I could see him, knowing when I was beat. "What do you mean?"

Ever so gently, he brushed my hair off of my shoulder before leaning in to plant a tender kiss on my forehead. "Aside from the fact that I could kill you? Right now, you see yourself as my _prisoner_ , Bella. You said so yourself. You're not, of course, but I shouldn't even have let things go _this_ far so long as you believe that. Please forgive me."

I managed, with great difficulty, not to roll my eyes. "It was a _joke_ , Edward."

His eyes searched mine calmly. "Perhaps. But I am holding you against your will. Can you honestly tell me that this is where you want to be right now?"

He had me there, and we both knew it. My gaze faltered, my eyes dropping. "With you? Yes. But here? No. I want you to take me home."

Sadness filled the depths of his golden eyes. "And I'd love nothing more than to give you anything you ask of me. But you've asked the only two things I can't give you, Bella. I can't take a chance on either. Your safety simply isn't negotiable. No matter what it costs me."

"But Edward, why this way? Why..." I struggled to come up with some profound way of phrasing it that didn't involve the words 'kidnap' or 'prisoner', and failed miserably. "Why like _this?"_

We seemed to have both forgotten that I still sat on his lap completely naked, other than the tiny hotel towel. His eyes were utterly serious as he framed my face in his hands and looked straight in my eyes. "Alice was trying to see how it would happen, and I was watching her thoughts. There were just bits and pieces of a thousand different possibilities that could come out of the decision to send you with Jasper and Alice, nothing even close to concrete. But Bella, in at least one of them, I saw you alone with James. Unprotected."

"I wouldn't have let that happen. I would never have left them. They wouldn't have left _me._ "

His hands dropped to my shoulders, and I suppressed a shiver at the coldness of them against my rapidly cooling skin. "It doesn't matter." His voice was hard, firm, unyielding. "Maybe you wouldn't have. Maybe they wouldn't have let you out of their sight. But I _know_ I won't let you out of mine. I don't need a mindreader to tell me that."

His eyes burned into me, and I didn't doubt the truth of that statement for a second: there would be no escape from Edward until this was over, whether I wanted one or not. At that exact moment, I didn't want one. But if he intended to strap me back into that off-road harness the next day, there was a good chance I'd change my mind on that.

Exhausted, I dropped my head against his shoulder, giving in for the moment.

His voice was soft, gentle again, as he coaxed me to my feet. "Bed time. Come on, Bella."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Whiplash

Chapter 2

_'Bed time. Come on, Bella.'_

Edward put me on my feet and quickly steered my towel-clad form gently but firmly back into the bathroom. When he accomplished that without getting closer than a foot away from me, other than his hand on my back, and then when he looked anywhere but in my direction as he handed me Emmett's bag that he had found for me in the Jeep, I knew that Edward would be much more comfortable as soon as I was clothed. If I hadn't scared him so badly with my hysterics, I was certain he'd have insisted on it far sooner and with a lot less contact than we'd just shared on the ground, where fierce emotion had prompted him to kiss me as desperately as I kissed him.

With a shiver of breathless excitement at the realization that Edward had been affected - maybe even tempted - by my state of undress, I dropped the towel and slipped easily into my new panties and Emmett's _huge_ V-neck t-shirt. The sweatpants were a little more problematic. I had to cinch up the drawstring waist and roll the legs up many times over just to keep them from trailing the ground.

I didn't expect anything else momentous to happen that morning, other than me falling asleep and staying that way for the rest of the day. But suddenly, my heart was pounding in my chest at an alarming rate.

I had knelt to retrieve the clothes I'd been wearing earlier, wondering absently if the hotel had a washing machine anywhere. I mentally refused to just keep buying new clothing every day, especially not on Edward's dime. But as I gathered up my jeans, I felt something flat and hard in the pocket, something that I hadn't noticed when I'd been wearing them or when I had taken them off. Frowning, I reached in and pulled out the object, my eyes growing wide and my heart starting to race as I realized what it was.

A credit card.

I had Charlie's _credit card._

Mind racing with possibilities, I remembered Charlie handing it to me that morning over breakfast, when I had mentioned that I needed to go grocery shopping, insisting over my protest that I should just hold onto it until I got a chance to go. I must have forgotten I had it in my pocket.

Like I thought Edward had developed X-ray vision, my head shot around to the door, half surprised not to find him standing there with a disapproving look as he confiscated it.

But the door was still closed, and he _wasn't_ standing in the bathroom, and since he couldn't read my mind, I was safe. That tiny little card in my hand represented the one thing that had been entirely taken from me since this began: control. And maybe, just maybe, a backup plan.

I wasn't really planning to use it to run away from Edward, not yet, although a slight thrill of power ran through me as I realized that I might just be the only human on earth who _could_. He'd hear anyone else's thoughts and be able to stop them. If I chose to do so, and if I could manage to get out of his sight and far enough away, I might be able to successfully evade him. And that card might help me get home without his help.

Of course, I wasn't desperate enough to try that yet, not by half. But I did want to go home. And I didn't know how long Edward might be planning to carry on my captivity, if his family couldn't track down James. Or maybe I did know, I thought with a small shiver, as I remembered the grim determination in his eyes as he promised he'd do _anything it took_ to keep me safe….whether I liked it or not.

"Bella?" Edward's voice through the door made me jump, and I nearly dropped the credit card on the ground. His vampire hearing would've been sure to hear _that_.

"I'm coming!" Cringing at how guilty I sounded, I quickly balled up the dirty clothes, wrapping the card into the middle of them as I schemed. When I went out of the bathroom to put my dirty clothes in the shopping bags, I would just surreptitiously slide the credit card into the pocket of the new jeans I'd bought. Then I'd have it on me when we eventually left the hotel. It was absurd how excited I was by this small rebellion, this tiny sliver of control, this possible alternative.

"Bella?" Edward sounded very alarmed now, and I heard his fingers rap gently against the door. "May I come in, please? Your heart is racing. What's wrong?"

And I'd been worried about dropping the card on the ground. My own heartbeat was betraying me. With a sigh, I swung the door open before he could give up on asking permission and decide he just needed to break it down. I held still while his eyes swiftly appraised me to ensure that I wasn't bleeding and there were no broken bones.

I smiled too brightly at him, and his eyes narrowed. "No, it isn't. I'm fine. See?"

There was no way in the world he was going to let me get away with that, and I gritted my teeth as I wondered just how long it would be before I broke and had to give up my newfound prize.

But to my surprise, instead of starting an interrogation, his face just twisted into a mild scowl as he looked me up and down again, far more obviously than he would normally consider to be gentlemanly. Feeling a little self-conscious, I fidgeted. For once, he definitely did not look like he liked what he saw. And that bothered me. A lot. Even if he _had_ kidnapped me.

"Edward?"

His eyes snapped back to my face, and his features softened into a smile when he saw the concern there. But there was still something uneasy in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know you're exhausted. Come, love. I'll help you get to sleep."

As he took my hand in his to lead me toward the bed, I looked down at myself in confusion, looking for what had upset Edward. There was nothing out of the ordinary, other than Emmett's huge clothes.

* * *

Before climbing into bed, I managed to put my dirty clothes into one shopping bag and sneak Charlie's credit card into my new jeans, for purposes still undetermined, all while keeping my back turned on Edward. So far as I could tell, he didn't suspect that I was up to anything.

Soon, I was lying in his arms in the middle of the hotel bed, sighing contentedly. And I _was_ content, I realized. Perfectly content to be there with him, wrapped up in his embrace. Protected. Feeling completely safe in the knowledge that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. Enjoying his company.

What was it that I had told him once, what seemed like ages ago? That his mood swings were giving me whiplash? Well, Edward probably had a little whiplash himself by now. I had felt torn in two since this started. If he had felt half as conflicted back then as I was feeling now, it was no wonder he had seemed like two different people - or vampires - whatever.

On the flip side of that coin, I could only assume that he now knew how I had felt back then, too. He'd been bearing the brunt of my rapidly shifting moods ever since James had intruded on our happy little bubble and Edward had felt compelled to kidnap me.

_For my safety_ , I reminded myself, pushing down the edge of bitterness that bubbled up every time I mentally referred to this as a kidnapping. _Only for my safety._

I snuggled a little closer, feeling slightly remorseful. He seemed to like that, but I heard the small noise of surprise in his throat. The fact that my desire to be close to him surprised him, at this point, just made me feel worse, so I squeezed even closer. His arms instantly tightened in response, his cool lips brushing my brow, but something still seemed off.

His fingers toyed constantly with the hem of Emmett's "short sleeves" that hung past my elbows, a sort of nervous tic that seemed very un-vampire-like, at least in my admittedly limited experience. And his repeated sighs didn't exactly sound like they were filled with quite the same level of contentment I was currently experiencing.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, trying not to sound worried but clearly not succeeding. He sighed again, frustrated at having upset me, automatically pressing a soothing kiss to the top of my head.

I couldn't see his frown, but it was evident in his voice. "It's nothing, Bella, truly. I'm sorry. You should get some sleep." His hands stilled, no longer picking at my sleeves.

Yeah, like I was going to let it go _that_ easily. I was still a little keyed up from finding Charlie's card, and my imagination was running away with me. Did he suspect I might be up to something? Or even worse, was James close by? The Cullen family? Or was Edward finally just sick of me after dealing with me all day?

It spoke volumes that the last option was the one that scared me most.

I lifted my head to see his face, shaking off his half-hearted attempt to pull me back down to his chest. He relented and let me get away with it, but he carefully avoided my eyes, as if to hide his expression from me.

"Edward? What's going on? I can't read your mind, you know."

A crooked smile broke out across his face, unexpectedly. "Good." His smile stretched out a little wider when he finally turned fully toward me and saw the look of confusion on my face. "It's only fair. I can't read yours either."

He was joking now?

"Just tell me what's bothering you."

"No." That was immediate. His nervous half-chuckle further confused me. I had been starting to think something was very seriously wrong. Now, he just seemed a little…embarrassed?

I searched his eyes, but they gave nothing away.

"Okay, you're kind of starting to scare me," I told him. "Please tell me."

I had unintentionally pressed the exact right button. His smile faded on a slight nod of his head, and I knew I had won. He couldn't stomach the thought of frightening me, in any way.

Still, he hesitated for a moment before reaching up with one finger to trace the V-neck of the shirt I wore, his brother's shirt. A shiver ran through me at that barely-there touch, but he seemed not to notice. That same slight smile ghosted across his lips as his eyes brushed across mine and then looked away again. His words were cautious, his tone a bit self-deprecating.

"I'm not certain that I wouldn't prefer the giant smiling faces."

That was it? He objected to my outfit? "Not me," I shuddered, recalling just how much I had dreaded wearing deranged smiley-face pajamas in front of him. "Besides, these are soft, and they smell good."

His eyes snapped up to my face to stare at me like I had just suggested that James and he could be great buddies some day.

"They smell good?" he repeated with disbelief, his expression more than a little horrified. The light bulb dawned over my head instantly, as I recalled the scowl that covered his face when I emerged in his brother's clothes.

So _that_ was it. Edward might be a 108-year-old vampire, but he was also still a male, and a very possessive one at that; one who was almost absurdly well-practiced at everything _else_ in the universe, but who had never had a girlfriend before. I hadn't been trying to goad him. I really hadn't. But I had inadvertently stepped on his male pride.

He was frowning even harder now, his speech quickly slipping into the old-fashioned formality he didn't always realize he was reverting to. "When this is behind us, I would most definitely prefer that you not wear Emmett's clothing in the future, Bella."

I lay back down against him and buried my head in his shoulder, hiding a smile as his arms instantly closed around me again, just a bit more demandingly this time. Usually, I would have restrained my sudden urge to tease 1918-Edward, even when he got bossy. But usually, he hadn't kidnapped me and herded me around like cattle all day, either, so all bets were off. I injected a little pout into my voice.

"Okay. But why not? I mean, these smell _really_ good. Do all of Emmett's clothes smell this good?" I pressed my face deeper into Edward's shoulder as he sighed in consternation. I suppressed a giggle. After the serious events of the day, his preoccupation with something so frivolous left me feeling strangely carefree.

"I'm certain that I wouldn't know," he informed me sullenly, his arms tightening around me yet again. "Aren't you sleepy, Bella?"

"Mm-mm, not yet." As much as I was enjoying this - and I'll admit that I found his jealousy, his possessiveness, just the tiniest bit thrilling - I couldn't help but press a kiss to his neck as I snuggled closer, subconsciously softening the blow. "I wonder if that's how good I smell to you?"

"Bella, honestly!" came the exasperated response as he disentangled me from him, holding my shoulders as he held me just far enough away to look at me. Aggrieved frustration filled his unbelievably handsome face. "I've lived with Emmett for decades, and I've never once felt the desire to smell his clothes. I fail to understand your sudden fascination."

I couldn't hide my smile from him any longer, now that we were facing each other. And after just a moment, realization dawned in his eyes. Some of his scowl faded, and his lips twitched as he studied me. Graciously, he allowed me my small victory, realizing he'd been played. His body relaxed, and a slow smile spread across his face. I suspected if he could have blushed, he might have. A small laugh from him seemed to light up the room. "That wasn't nice," he chided, his smile softening the words. "You had me seriously contemplating violence against my brother."

"Yeah, well, you deserved it," I retorted, and watched with fascination as his crooked grin grew wider. "And you were already doing that before I said a word, anyway."

"Perhaps," he murmured, still smiling. Without warning, he toppled me over onto my back, a move that made me giggle. But the giggles faded pretty quickly when he leaned over, hovering over me to kiss me. He took his time about doing it thoroughly, possessively, and left me so dizzy I'd almost forgotten what we were arguing about. Maybe he had won that round, after all. I found that I no longer cared.

He traced my face with his fingers. "I don't like someone else's scent on you, Bella, even my brother's. I suppose I overreacted. But you have no idea what you can do to me with a single word," he informed me, his breath tickling my lips.

Maybe I didn't know. But he _definitely_ knew what he could do to me with a single smile or touch, and he was taking full advantage of it. Trying to recover from his dazzle long enough to finish making my point, I breathlessly stood my ground. "Doesn't mean you didn't deserve it."

He turned onto his side then, taking me with him and tucking me back up against him, facing him. He rested his forehead against mine and shrugged. "I'll give you this: there aren't very many people who can put one over on me."

"That's because you cheat," I reminded him, reaching up to tap my finger gently against his temple. "And you really _did_ have it coming."

He quirked an eyebrow in question at my insistence on that point, so I clarified. "You _kidnapped_ me. The police chief's daughter. I mean, who does that?"

I was kidding, at least about the last part, the part about Charlie. But it was still the wrong thing to say, I realized too late. He didn't find anything about me getting kidnapped to be very amusing. His face became too serious again, his jaw tightening and his arms pulling me in more snugly, holding me even more protectively than I was used to.

"That list begins and ends with me," he informed me. He was deadly serious. "That's why we're here, Bella, and I can't let myself forget that. I'm going to make sure nobody else even gets a chance to try. Not James, not Victoria, not anybody."

"But Edward," I started, intending to question him again about why it had to be _this_ way, when I was fairly certain that if he had simply explained what he saw in Alice's vision to his family, they would have helped us. His sigh was so deep that I felt my body rise and fall with his chest as he heavily inhaled and exhaled.

"Not now, Bella. Please, just rest. You have all day. We'll leave at twilight."

He began humming my lullaby, and I eventually drifted off, but not quite as easily as normal.

* * *

We spent the entire bright, sunny day in the hotel room, and I spent the vast majority of it asleep. Edward had had the foresight at Wal-Mart that morning to pick up a variety of quick, easy foods and drinks for me. To make him feel better, I attempted to choke down some of it the few times I did wake up. Never in my life had I had less of an appetite.

True to Edward's word, just as the sun started to go down, I felt his cool lips sweep gently across my brow, followed by his velvet voice in my ear. "Bella...can you wake up for me, sweetheart? It's time to go."

Spending the previous night strapped into a Jeep and then sleeping all day had left me with a pounding headache. Edward was standing beside the bed, leaning over me to wake me. I opened my eyes and tried to focus on him, only to wince in pain as soon as the light hit my eyes.

Misinterpreting that reaction as my being unhappy to see him, Edward immediately stopped leaning over me and backed up a step to give me some space. He offered me a tiny, sad smile, almost as though my reaction was exactly what he had been expecting. "It wasn't a nightmare, I'm afraid. I'm sorry. I know how you feel about all of this, and I promise you I understand why. You have my word I'll take you back to Charlie as soon as you're out of danger."

His body only tensed further when I didn't say anything. I was still too busy trying to figure out what the heck had just happened, honestly. Had I said something in my sleep? He briefly closed his eyes and slightly nodded his head in agreement with whatever he assumed my silence to mean. His next words were slow, hesitant. "And when this is all over, if you never want to see me again, I'll respect your wishes."

The thought was too horrible to even contemplate. I suddenly felt awful for teasing him about kidnapping me. I'd been asleep within an hour of my unfortunate joke, but Edward had clearly been torturing himself over it the entire day as I slept. My eyes filled with tears of contrition, and his face fell, as though he couldn't bear to see my pain.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but Edward moved too fast for me to see him and was suddenly kneeling by the bed. He laid a gentle finger across my lips. He seemed terrified to hear what I would have had to say. "Please don't hate me for all of this, Bella. I'd do anything to keep you safe, but I can't stand that it's making you unhappy. Please believe me on this point: I may have kidnapped you, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect you, even from yourself. But you're _not_ my prisoner."

In a flash, I went from guilt to frustration. I should have let it go, especially considering that I didn't really want to hurt him. But I was in pain, tired, hungry, hormonal, worried about Charlie, and even a little scared - though certainly not of Edward. As evidence of that fact, I pushed his hand away.

"Then what am I?" I questioned him, immediately wishing I could take it back. He just stared at me sadly, but I couldn't stop. Sitting up on the bed, I turned toward him. "If I'm not your prisoner, then does that mean I can go home? I can call Charlie and let him know I'm okay?"

Edward grimaced, pain filling his features. "You know the answer to that, Bella. You know I can't let you do that, and you know why. Please don't make this harder."

I couldn't take my eyes off of his strangely determined features. That look of firm decision sent an uneasy chill down my spine. I didn't normally _see_ Edward as a vampire, not really. But at the moment, it was difficult to ignore. I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to my next question, but I had to ask.

"And if I try to get away? What if I decide to run? Or...I don't know...scream for help?"

He nodded slowly, his focus dropping to the bedspread. He seemed to understand that I needed to know exactly how far he'd go.

"I'll stop you, on both counts. I won't hurt you, Bella. I would never do that. But I _will_ stop you."

His words rendered me speechless, but his eyes were absolutely paralyzing as he suddenly appeared on the bed, nose to nose with me, and captured me with a piercing gaze, some of his perfect control shaken. His hands framed my face firmly.

"Bella, I'm begging you. Please don't try to do that. It would be useless to run from me or try to fight me off, and I don't think you can understand exactly how much I loathe the idea of keeping you quiet by force. If you attempted such a thing and I were to accidentally hurt you..." He couldn't quite finish that sentence, but the look in his eyes gave me some indication of just how badly that would destroy him. "I'd much prefer that you come along willingly," he finally amended.

My mouth was so dry it felt like it was filled with cotton balls. I could hear my own pulse, throbbing in my ears. I couldn't have forced speech past my lips if I'd tried.

I'd asked Edward for brutal honesty, and he'd certainly given it.

Numbly, I nodded my understanding and carefully backed away from his hands, continuing to back off of the bed away from him.

He let me go, staying put and staring miserably at the bedspread.

Mechanically, I started to get dressed and gather my things - mostly because it was clear that I had no choice in the matter.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. In Sickness and in Thirst

Chapter 3

Still reeling from Edward's admission of just how far he'd go, I somehow managed to get myself dressed in the new jeans and sweatshirt we'd bought at Wal-Mart that morning. I was a little surprised to find Charlie's credit card still safely lodged in the pocket where I'd hidden it. I had half expected that Edward would just _know_ and that it would be missing.

I climbed willingly into the Jeep with him, but I balked when he reached for the straps of the off-road harness to secure me in the seat.

"Edward, no!" I protested, probably looking a little more horrified than was really necessary. My head was still pounding and I was feeling sick to my stomach.

Edward froze, the horrified look on my face taking him aback.

"Is this really necessary?" I tried again, in an attempt to sound more calm. Even I hated how completely freaked out I sounded.

Uncertainty was written all over his face. His hands hovered, one strap dangling from his fingers. But he didn't move to fasten it, at least. "It's safer, Bella."

I shuddered. I'd had enough of the harness by the time we got back to the Cullens' house from the baseball field, when Emmett had strapped me in at Edward's orders and then restrained my hands to keep me from getting out. After that, spending the entire previous night in it after Edward kidnapped me had just been overkill. I thought I might throw up if he put it back on me.

"Please, Edward? I won't try to get away, I promise. You're strong enough to keep me from getting away without it anyway. You said so yourself. Please don't put that thing back on me. Please."

I was starting to sound a little hysterical and to feel a little sheepish at the same time. What was wrong with me? It wasn't as though he was trying to shackle me in the basement and torture me. He was trying to protect me from the sadistic vampire that wanted to kill me as part of some sick game.

But it was too late to behave more reasonably. Edward dropped the strap like it had burned him, his face more horrified than mine had been at the beginning of the conversation. His eyes searched mine wildly.

"You thought..." he began but couldn't finish. He looked a little shaky as he passed one hand across the bridge of his nose tiredly, speaking without looking at me. "You misunderstand me, Bella. I truly felt it was safer, in case James found us and I had to leave the road for rough terrain. I wasn't trying to... _restrain_ you."

It sounded like he almost choked on the word _restrain_ , and it was plain to see just how much the implication bothered him; how much all of my implications bothered him.

At that moment, if I could have crawled under the seat, I would have. I'd just negated every single thing I'd said to Edward since we met, every last word trying to convince him that he wasn't a monster. None of that mattered when I treated him like he was one. I'd been so caught up in the idea that he had kidnapped me against my will that I'd forgotten all about _why_. He was doing all of this to keep me safe.

He was still speaking, so hesitant and unsure of me that I wanted to cry. "I don't know if my word even means anything to you right now, but you have it anyway. I won't put that on you again, Bella, unless we find ourselves in a situation where it's absolutely necessary for your safety."

I managed to nod my understanding, but I didn't dare try to push words past the lump in my throat. I would _not_ cry. I could give him that much, at least.

His jaw muscle worked, his fingers clenching the wheel as he cranked up and pulled out of the parking lot. His next words were so low I barely heard them. "If that wasn't such a real possibility, I'd tear it out of the seat right now." I didn't doubt him. He was clearly considering destroying it anyway.

When his eyes turned hesitantly toward me and I saw them glance at the regular seatbelt, I knew he was mentally weighing my safety against my sanity. In an effort to reassure him, I voluntarily reached for the regular seatbelt and quickly fastened it so he wouldn't have to ask, then offered him a tiny smile. His eyes closed briefly as he inhaled deeply, and then he looked at me with gratitude in his eyes. "Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome," I murmured. After five minutes of long silence, my next words were even quieter. "I'm sorry."

* * *

True to his word, Edward didn't try to strap me back into the harness any more that night. At times, it was almost easy to pretend we were just on a road trip. The more I relaxed, the more Edward relaxed, and we even spent some time laughing and talking like normal.

Near morning, Edward pulled into a hotel that I suspected was much more to his tastes. The front of it looked like a castle. It even had its own gas station, which he pulled into after first bringing me into the lobby with him to check in. He stepped out to refuel the Jeep so he wouldn't have to do it when we needed to leave, especially if we needed to leave in a hurry.

But as I watched him get out, my heart suddenly started pounding. Directly beside the hotel, in an adjoining parking lot, was a small, brightly lit grocery store. This was my chance, despite the fact that I hadn't even decided what I was planning yet.

Stepping out of the Jeep, I made it two steps in that direction before Edward abandoned the gas pump and appeared by my side. He didn't grab me, but he was certainly poised to. Uncertainty and caution filled his face. With a stab of guilt, I understood that he was being very careful not to do anything that might further convince me I was being held hostage. "Bella? Where are you going?"

I kept my voice calm. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I almost felt sorry for him. He clearly _hated_ the idea of me going off alone, but he was afraid of pushing me over the edge again. Why was I insisting on putting him in this position? I didn't know the answer, but I did know that the desire for just one tiny ounce of freedom was almost overwhelming. I'd have to be sure never to break the law. I'd never be able to handle prison.

"We'll be in the room in just a few minutes, Bella," he tried reasonably.

"I know. But I'd just like to look around the store too."

His reaction surprised me. He blinked, and then a split second later his handsome face looked almost overjoyed at my showing interest in something, at my making one request that he could actually grant.

"Of course," his velvet voice smiled happily. "Let me finish here and I'll take you."

"No!" My reaction was automatic, but his face fell and I regretted it instantly. "I mean, I'd just like a few minutes alone. If that's okay." I swallowed hard at the hurt look on his face but pressed on anyway. "You can read minds, Edward. You already know there's no one dangerous in the area. I'll be fine, and I'll be right back."

He was grinding his teeth at the thought of letting me out of his sight, but I could see I had won. I felt more than a little guilty for manipulating his obviously strong desire not to have me see him as a prison guard, but I was also a little giddy at having won a victory. He nodded his assent, and I took off for the store at a near run. I could feel his eyes on my back almost like a physical touch.

I looked around for a while, debating with myself about whether I wanted to make a break for it or not; ask for a phone; call Charlie, or even Alice, for that matter; run out a back door.

In the end, I couldn't do it. A brief memory of the earlier look on Edward's face cemented my decision. I was staying with him. I would give him some more time to do this his way.

I was going to trust him, no matter what.

On my way back out the front door, a case of refrigerated bottled waters caught my eye, and I suddenly realized how very thirsty I was. Without giving it much thought, I grabbed one, went quickly to the front of the store, and paid for it with Charlie's card. That brief moment of self-reliance felt amazing. I probably looked like some type of prison escapee, though. I kept glancing all around, waiting for Edward to appear out of nowhere.

Shoving the card deeply back into my pocket, I emerged from the store with my bottle of water, clutching my one little symbol of independence very tightly. I spotted the Jeep instantly, parked directly in front of the store in the closest parking space.

But my feet pulled up short when I saw that Edward wasn't in it.

A stab of terror shot through me. Had James found us? Had my insistence on something so childish put Edward in danger? Suddenly, as desperately as I'd wanted five minutes to myself, I needed Edward back. I was almost ready to scream his name in panic. I spun in a circle looking all around me. Then I finally saw him.

He walked toward me at human speed, from the side of the store.

"What are you doing?" I called out in relief, half running toward him.

The hurt in his eyes nearly stole my breath, but he answered me truthfully, despite what it must have cost him. "Waiting where I could watch both doors."

Realization dawned. He'd suspected I intended to take off out the back of the store. Two feelings warred for dominance in me: regret at having made him think I was so eager to escape his company, and a little bit of guilt at the fact that I had actually been considering it. More alarming was the knowledge that if I _had_ decided to make an escape attempt, I'd have made it no more than 3 steps before I found myself in his unbreakable grasp again. It was a little unnerving. Did he have to think of _everything?_

"Bella?" The change in his tone of his voice had my attention instantly, and my stomach dropped when I saw the look on his face. "How did you buy that?"

I glanced down at the water in my hands. It'd truly never occurred to me that I'd have to explain it.

"I, um..."

"Did you have some money on you?" he pressed.

Slowly, I nodded. "I...found something in my pocket yesterday," I told him, semi-truthfully.

Edward seemed to accept that, though not happily. Putting a hand at my back, he guided me back toward the Jeep, opening my door for me. He sighed as he appeared in the driver's seat. "I wish you had told me you were thirsty. I'd have been happy to buy you anything you wanted."

My eyes widened. There was a topic I hadn't considered.

Thirst.

I grabbed his arm, urgently. "Edward...are _you_ thirsty?" I hadn't been paying attention, but I studied him closely as I asked, and I knew the answer immediately. He'd been spending so much time with me even before the baseball game that he hadn't been hunting as much as he probably should. He wasn't _dangerously_ thirsty yet, but he would be soon.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine until this is over."

"So you think your family will find James soon? Are they even looking?"

He'd pulled by this time into a spot in front of the hotel, near our room. Both of his hands gripped the wheel tightly. "Yes, they're looking. I'm sure of it. But it could take some time," he admitted tightly.

My heart pounded in my chest. I wasn't sure how this hadn't occurred to me before. "So what happens when you get _really_ thirsty? Edward, you have to hunt at some point."

He wouldn't meet my eyes. With crystal clarity, I suddenly knew that he already had some type of plan for how to deal with that - and that I wouldn't like it. When he finally spoke, he was more short with me than he'd ever been before.

"I said I'd be fine and I will. Let's not worry about that now. I don't intend for that to happen."

But how could I not worry about it, when I could practically _see_ the wheels turning in his head as he tried to figure out just how badly I'd react to whatever he had already decided to do if - _when_ \- his thirst became a danger to me and he had to either leave me to hunt or take me with him.

* * *

My headache, irritability, questionable decision-making, and general all-over misery made much more sense later that day when Edward tried to wake me up. I'd fallen asleep in my clothes within 15 minutes of entering the hotel room and turning on the TV, and I had no idea how many hours I'd slept.

But at some point, it had begun to rain, so he wanted to get back on the road and get even further away from Forks. I suspected he had some destination in mind, but if he did, he hadn't told me.

The thought of getting back into the Jeep made me want to throw up. Rolling away from him in protest, I pulled my knees up to my chest and groaned. I heard his affectionate chuckle as he ramped up his efforts to wake me up.

That was when he pressed his lips to my forehead and realized I had a very high fever. Right after _that_ was when I heard a word come out of his lips that I hadn't heard from him before - and it sounded panicked.

Indecision, along with a sizable helping of guilt, flooded his handsome features as he wrestled with whether it would be safe to just leave me in the room while he made the short trip to the store I'd been in earlier. It was hardly a surprise that he blamed himself for my being sick, but there was little I could say to that. Stress and lack of sleep almost certainly played a role, and any way that I argued it, he would be able to determine that he was _at least_ indirectly to blame. I couldn't stop coughing long enough to argue the point anyway.

I don't think a single raindrop hit me when a very concerned Edward dashed from the room to the Jeep with me in his arms. I also don't think one hit me during the few steps from the handicapped parking spot, where he illegally parked, to the entrance of the store. He shielded me too perfectly, glaring fiercely at the one departing customer who had the audacity to give him a dirty look for parking there when he was obviously in pretty good shape. He let me walk inside the store myself, but there was very little weight on my feet. Most of it was supported by his arm around my waist.

As he was prone to do, Edward went overboard with purchasing supplies to take care of me. I was too sick to really care, so I didn't say a word. He got me a hot meal from the deli section, a meal that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat. But there would be no point in telling him that, so I wisely kept quiet. He bought detergent, probably intending to hand-wash my clothes for me while I slept so that he wouldn't have to leave me to buy anything or use the hotel washer. I still couldn't bring myself to care, so long as he didn't find Charlie's card.

When we returned to the room, Edward carried me into the room and laid me on the bed before making an _extremely_ quick trip back to the Jeep to bring everything in. While he was gone, I managed to lean over and slide the credit card under the cushion in the huge, ornate chair beside the bed. That thing probably cost more than all the furniture in my whole bedroom at home. Then I rolled right back into the middle of the bed. He was back by then, of course, but I fell asleep immediately.

The next two days passed in a blur. I was vaguely aware of cool hands and lips gently touching my face, my forehead, my arms and hands, almost constantly. I was also aware of unpleasant medicine tastes and being coaxed into swallowing some fluids and some broth.

But the next thing I was truly aware of was waking up, once again dressed in Emmett's soft clothes. Had Edward changed my clothes? It was the only possible answer, and it made me blush. But knowing him, he'd probably done it at vampire speed.

Edward was right there by me, of course, his increasingly black eyes even darker than they probably would have been already. There were dark circles under his eyes. Edward was worried...and thirsty.

"Bella?" he searched my eyes, cautious relief softening his expression when I met his gaze and he saw I was lucid.

"Edward?" I asked, watching the way his concern increased again when he heard how hoarse I sounded. I cleared my throat, intending to try again and reassure him, but I only managed to strangle myself. I was quickly taken by a coughing fit.

I hadn't realized his arm was already under my back holding me until he used it to quickly sit me up. He gently rubbed my back with his other hand. "Shhh...easy, Bella. Just breathe." I wondered how often that had been happening.

Not wanting to lie back down, I leaned sideways until I slumped against his chest. "How long?" I managed to rasp.

"Two days," he answered grimly and a little shakily. "You scared the life out of me, Bella. And that's not easy to do."

"I'm sorry," I rasped, and his arm tightened around me.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. This is all my fault."

I would have told him it wasn't, but a much more horrifying thought struck me when I realized we'd been stuck in one place for 48 hours. I struggled to sit up straighter, clutching at Edward's shirt.

"James!"

Edward soothed me, making a soft shushing noise as he gently pulled me back into his embrace. "Shhh...Bella, please relax. You're very weak. James is nowhere near, and neither are my family. I can only assume that they are tracking him, instead of pursuing us, and that they are keeping him busy evading them." He kissed me on the head, gently rubbing up and down my arms with his cool hands in an effort to calm me.

I tried to relax, but a million fears were swimming through my still tired and sick brain, giving me a headache again. "How do you know they haven't caught him already?"

"I don't," he told me simply. "I'll call them when we get where we're going. But I'm getting you somewhere safe before I risk communicating with anyone. For now, we're safe here, and this is where we're staying until you're well."

* * *

It was another two days before I began to get some of my strength back.

The skies were overcast, so I convinced Edward to take me back to the store. I was beginning to go stir-crazy within the four walls of our room, and I needed some fresh air.

He agreed willingly. He even agreed that we could walk, rather than taking the Jeep the short distance across the two parking lots.

Now that I was feeling better, I had been a little less harsh with him about kidnapping me. I still felt flashes of irritation about it, but nothing approaching my earlier fury. He held my hand as we walked, and for just a moment, I could imagine us being on some grand adventure, or even a romantic getaway, just going to shop for groceries as a couple.

But that wasn't fated to last long.

Everything changed a moment later as we approached the store from the side, and I saw a familiar-looking police cruiser pulling into a parking space in front. To my amazement, my dad got out and briskly walked toward the entrance of the store. Tension and worry were evident in his frame.

Without thought, I let go of Edward's hand and took a step forward, opening my mouth to call out to him.

My breath left me in a whoosh as one hard, cold hand landed over my mouth, creating an airtight seal. What felt like an iron band sealed itself firmly around my waist. My feet left the ground, only to come to rest again with my back firmly pressed against the brick wall behind the store, out of sight of the entrance.

Terrified, I looked up, expecting James. I relaxed only slightly when I saw Edward's face and realized it was he that was holding me in place there, facing me, with his body pinning me to the wall. He hadn't hurt me, but he wasn't loosening his grip in the slightest, either, now that we were out of sight. His brow was furrowed in concentration, and I knew he was listening to Charlie's thoughts.

Suddenly, I knew what he was hearing. I was the police chief's daughter, for God's sakes. Coming down with some kind of plague or not, how had I not thought of this? Charlie had tracked me down with my credit card purchase.

Edward's eyes closed, his jaw muscle jumping repeatedly. He inhaled deeply as though trying to calm himself, but my heartrate raced as every muscle in his body suddenly tensed. Like I was watching a slow-motion horror movie, I watched as his eyes snapped open even darker than before, his teeth bared.

His deep breath had produced the exact opposite of the intended result. Rather than calming him, it had drawn my scent deeply into his nostrils; and for the first time, I was truly afraid of him.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. Too Close

Chapter 4

The growling started low in Edward's chest, his black eyes fixed on me. He leaned in closer to me, with his hand still clamped across my mouth, as he deeply inhaled again. His entire body pinned me to the wall, and he pushed me even more firmly against it when I made a token attempt at fighting him. Putting down my small resistance was so easy for him that I wasn't sure he was even aware he had done it. The bricks were cutting into my back. I could neither move nor scream, only tremble as I waited to see if he was stronger than the bloodlust that currently consumed him. With his strong hand silencing me, I couldn't even plead with him.

I felt my eyes well up with tears, felt one splash down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to watch the love of my life give in to the pull to destroy me.

Suddenly, the growling stopped abruptly. The silence was worse, as I held my breath and waited for the piercing pain of his teeth through my skin, whimpering when it took longer than I expected. Was he toying with me? I didn't dare open my eyes to find out.

But the pain never came.

An agonized groan ripped out of his throat, and the crushing weight of his body against mine disappeared without warning. His hands still held me in captive silence - one hand was clamped no less tightly over my mouth than before, the other spread wide in the center of my sternum, holding me back against the wall - but he no longer touched me in any other way. He was no longer hurting me.

I dared to open my eyes, immediately focusing on his tortured expression. His frighteningly black eyes weren't looking at _me_ , per se. They were fixated on a tiny drop of liquid on the hand he held over my mouth...my tear. He was leaning as far away from me as was possible while still keeping his grip on me from arm's length. He wasn't breathing. His struggle for self-control was all too evident.

" _Bella..."_ My name was part groan, part pure horror, and I knew the danger wasn't entirely over yet. During the days I'd been so sick, his already severe thirst had increased to a dangerous level, something which neither of us had paid as much attention to as we should have. But now he was _so close_ to killing me. I knew how'd he take it later: not well. Strangely, in that moment, I was just as worried about him as I was about myself.

But in the next moment, his focus changed. His head shot up, his eyes going glassy and unfocused as he listened to something I couldn't hear. Something else had caught his attention, something other than the raging battle between his thirst for my blood and his agony over my tears. I slumped back into the wall with so much relief that my knees would have buckled if Edward weren't still holding me pinned.

So I was entirely unprepared for it when he bared his teeth, snarling, and lunged toward me again. Terror flooded me. I twisted uselessly against his steely grasp, sucking in gasps of air through my nose, my screams dying against his hard hand. It happened so fast that I didn't realize at first that the rough bricks no longer scraped my back; that instead, he was now pulling me hard against him. He still kept one hand pressed tightly over my mouth, but the other arm that had been pushing me up against the wall was now banded around me, flattening me against him, shielding me. His eyes darted around wildly.

In a heartbeat, his actions had gone from aggressive to protective.

His eyes were haunted, blacker than coal when they met mine for a brief moment, and I thought he was going to say something to me - beg my forgiveness, promise to end this and take me home. But without warning, we were moving. My feet were off the ground as he swept me up in one arm. Everything was a blur, until suddenly, I was standing in our hotel room. Edward himself was still a blur as he swiftly gathered our belongings. I stood frozen in place, watching him dazedly and trying to keep up, near paralyzed with shock. As he threw things in the bags, he seemed to be looking for something.

Finally, he looked straight at me and spoke, his voice sending a shudder through me as he glared at me, seeming annoyed that he had to stop moving so quickly and ask.

"Where is it?" he asked darkly. "Tell me quickly, Bella, there's little time."

I didn't have to ask what he was talking about. Meekly, I pointed at the chair where I had hid Charlie's credit card just before passing out for two days.

Fingers ripping through the cushion in his haste, he found the card quickly, almost as quickly as he snapped it in two between his fingers and shoved the pieces in his pocket.

"We have to go. Now." His voice was hard, cold, impersonal, and I felt myself begin to tremble again. Had I finally pushed him too far?

Or had he pushed _me_ too far?

Like that plastic card that had represented my independence, my sanity snapped completely in two. I began to back away from him.

"No! I'm not going! I can't do this anymore. I want to see my dad. I'm going to see Charlie!"

Foolishly, I turned toward the door; I should have known Edward was too fast for me. He was already packed, bags in one hand, so he just grabbed my upper arm with his other hand as he shot past me and allowed my forward motion to continue, near dragging me out the door behind him.

"No!" I protested. "I said I'm not..." That was as far as I got before he let go of my bicep to get a better grip on me and keep me from alerting Charlie. Wrapping his arm around my shoulders from behind, he fastened his hand over my mouth again. Before I knew it, he was pushing me in through the driver's door of the Jeep, dropping me into the passenger seat. Firm though he was, he had still inflicted no pain, other than that brief moment outside the store when he'd pushed me too hard into the bricks, during those few seconds that he'd lost control and very nearly killed me. Vaguely, it struck me just how much control he must be exercising, to manage not to hurt me at the same time that he was manhandling me.

He let go of my mouth as soon as the door closed behind him, and he didn't seem too worried about the noise level when I completely lost it and started screaming for him to let me go. He just firmly gripped my left wrist in his hard, cold hand as he cranked the Jeep. He spun out of the parking spot and onto the road so fast it made me dizzy.

He didn't even blink when I screamed for Charlie at the top of my lungs, beating on the window with my free hand as we flew past the store onto the main highway. Since their vehicles were modified in every _other_ way to be as strong as the vampires who owned them, they were probably soundproof too. Bulletproof. Maybe even missile-proof. Though why they needed any of the above, I couldn't be sure.

Determined not to be taken away when Charlie was so close and I knew he was hurting, I fought desperately to escape. It was useless, of course. When I used my right hand to try to open the door, Edward simply let go of the wheel long enough to reach over and capture it with his left, quickly transferring it to his right hand with my other one. He now held both of my wrists easily but securely in one hand. He accelerated quickly, soon driving faster than I'd seen him drive yet, and he was doing it one-handed

"No! Edward, _please!_ Please take me back! We have to go back!" Tears streamed down my face as I pleaded with him.

Everything seemed to hit me at once, including fear that I'd seen my dad for the last time. And what a horrible way to remember him, face drawn and pinched with worry, but desperately hopeful that he would find a clue at the store where someone had used the credit card he'd given to his daughter.

And then there was the fact that in the span of five minutes, I'd gone from happily imagining myself on a romantic getaway, to being confronted head-on by my dad's grief, to having the man I loved almost kill me, and now I was a prisoner again.

"Please...please...I need to go home!" I was openly sobbing at this point, no longer fighting him, just breaking down completely. "I have to go home, Edward. Charlie needs me. And Mom...please!" At the thought of Renee's free spirit being broken by my disappearance, I was completely overwhelmed and only sobbed harder. "Oh God...I'm going to be sick. Please stop!"

His fingers tightened slightly around my wrists. My pleas were affecting him. His voice was as tight and drawn as I'd ever heard it.

"Bella, I can't! _We can't stop_." His eyes stayed on the road, but his voice was ravaged. "Please stop begging me... _please._ " The last word was whispered. "You don't understand."

"Yes, we _can_ stop!" I begged anyway, completely past any point of reason. I'd reached my limits and could take no more. "I need to...Charlie...please, Edward," I babbled incoherently, crying more desperately by the second. It was a miracle he could make sense of what I was saying.

"I have to get you out of here!" Edward was shouting, but not from anger. He had the same look I'd seen on his face right before he kidnapped me from his family's house. "You led him right to us!"

My head shook back and forth frantically, my heart pounding faster by the moment. "No - no, he didn't see us. I could just call him. _Please_. I have to talk to him!"

"I'm not talking about your father!" Edward's frustration and fear boiled over; he hit the wheel for emphasis, terrifying me that he would lose control of the Jeep at 150 miles per hour. He didn't, of course, but I did suddenly notice how closely he was watching _everything_ around us. "James is here! He's been tracking _Charlie,_ and he followed him here. You led the tracker right to us!"

Suddenly, all I was aware of was a roaring sound inside my head, like a white noise that enveloped me in a tunnel and could only allow one thought: Charlie. James had followed Charlie. My father was at the mercy of a vampire who would stop at nothing to find me, including torturing or killing my dad. And instead of protecting him, Edward was driving in the opposite direction, with me as his prisoner.

Charlie was going to die.

And then, mercifully, the white noise was joined by blackness. I mentally shut down and knew nothing more, slumping over against the passenger door.

* * *

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Eventually, I became aware of a rhythmically repetitive sound, coming from far away - maybe from some deep, dark tunnel.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The noise was coming closer, but I didn't want it to. I was happy where I was. I didn't even _know_ where I was, but I liked it: nothing was there. It was comfortingly empty.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Slowly, against my wishes, I felt myself pushing my way to consciousness, almost as though I was fighting through layer after layer of thick wool surrounding my brain. It would be so much easier to simply stay wrapped in the wool, but something was pulling me toward awareness. I knew without a doubt what that something was:

Edward.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

I was consumed by the desire to see him, to know that he was okay. I couldn't remember exactly why, as I pushed my way up through the fog, but I had the sense that he had been in danger. Something danced right at the edge of my mind, but I couldn't grasp it.

I only knew I needed to wake up.

So I did.

And the tapping stopped immediately, before I ever moved, as though it _knew._

I found myself on a very, very comfortable bed - a _huge_ bed, solid wood and four-poster. No, actually, I wasn't _on_ the bed. I was definitely _in_ the bed, tucked in with soft, warm blankets, my head and neck perfectly supported. It was close to what I imagined resting on a cloud must be like.

But that wasn't what captured my immediate attention.

No, the very first thing I noticed was so much more important than that...

I was alone.

Edward wasn't leaning over me, murmuring into my ear or brushing hair off of my forehead. My hand wasn't in his, and his arms weren't around me.

"Edward!" I called out and sat bolt upright, panicked, suddenly remembering why I had been afraid for him. James. James was after us. Had he hurt Edward? He must have, if he wasn't with me. But then, if that was true, why was I...alive?

"I'm here, Bella," I heard, so quietly that I wondered if it was a hallucination. Looking around wildly, I finally found him. He sat against the far wall, as far as he could be from me in the spacious, opulent room we occupied. He sat on the ground, one leg straight out and the other foot planted flat with the knee facing the ceiling. His head was thrown back against the wall, as though holding it up was too much effort. One arm rested across the one upturned knee, and the other arm hung casually down his side to the floor beside his hip. His expression was anything but casual, however. I sucked in a sharp gasp as I took in his appearance.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively. His face looked haggard, if such a beautiful face can. He had clearly had his hands in his hair, pulling and running through it many times in frustration, or agony. His shirt was partially untucked, his clothing disheveled. But nothing struck me more harshly than his empty, haunted eyes. Dark circles stood out under them, in stark relief to his pale skin. He didn't respond this time, now that he'd let me know where he was. He simply dropped his gaze sideways, staring down at the one hand that was on the floor.

It was then that I saw the source of my strange _tap, tap, tapping_ sound. He held one of the broken pieces of Charlie's credit card in his hand, where he'd been idly tapping it against the floor - the type of nervous gesture I wasn't used to from him. I wondered what thoughts had tortured him as he held it. Had he been wondering if I'd been _trying_ to lead Charlie to us? Was he angry with me? No, I concluded...he wasn't angry at me. He was worried about me. How long had I been out?

Needing to reassure him - and myself - I spoke softly. "It's all right, Edward. I'm okay. I'm fine now."

"I know," he told me, again too quietly. "I've been listening to your breathing. To your...heartbeat." His voice shook on the word "breathing." It threatened to break completely on "heartbeat." Both seemed to hurt him intensely. Something danced on the edge of my memory, something that I felt like I should remember but simply couldn't, something that would explain why the thought of my heartbeat suddenly seemed to cause him pain.

Rhythmically, maddeningly, he began tapping the broken piece of plastic against the floor again. _My heartbeat_... he was tapping my heartbeat out on the floor, counting the beats.

"I'd apologize for waking you with this, but...well, I wouldn't mean it. I'm certain that was my intention." He sounded too dead, too formal, too empty. "I finally realized that the sound of my voice, my presence, was only driving you farther away. This was all I had left." He still wouldn't look at me.

"Edward..." Carefully, not trusting my limbs, I pushed the covers back and shakily stood. I crossed to his side, trying to kneel in front of him. But as soon as I got too close, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, pushing me back and holding me at arm's distance. The card in his hand clattered to the ground, forgotten.

"Stay back, Bella," he warned darkly.

Suddenly, _that_ memory came flooding back as well, and I knew what was bothering him.

Outside the store, Edward, deeply inhaling to calm himself, and instead getting a lungful of my scent. He'd very nearly killed me. Accepting his boundary, I sat on the floor a few feet from him but didn't retreat any further.

"It wasn't your fault," I whispered, and he scoffed bitterly, a humorless combination between a grin and a grimace contorting his handsome features.

"Wouldn't have made much difference, would it?" Shaking his head, he squeezed his eyes shut. "How badly did I hurt you?"

"You didn't," I told him too quickly, and I knew that he knew I was lying.

"I almost _killed_ you today, Bella. You have no idea how close..." His voice trailed off, his eyes opening and finally meeting mine. Without warning, suddenly his restraining hand on my arm disappeared and I heard a loud crack. I jumped and flinched away from him, realizing seconds later that he'd punched the ground by his leg. The beautiful hardwood floor, in one of the most extravagant rooms imaginable, now had a hole in it from his fist.

When his eyes met my face again, I wished I'd kept my startled reaction to myself. He only added frightening me to his list of crimes, a bitter smile of resignation ghosting across his lips as he shook his head minutely. "I was kidding myself to ever think that I could be anything but poison to you."

Suddenly, I didn't care about his boundaries. Pushing closer to him, I knelt on the ground between his legs and threw my arms around his neck, recklessly. "No! Don't you do that! Edward, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! You're..."

"Shhhh..." Gently, he pried me off of him and pushed me back some, laying a finger across my lips to stop my stream of panicked speech. His eyes were bottomless in their sadness. "Don't worry, love. I'm still going to make you safe. I'm not going anywhere until you're safe."

I wasn't entirely reassured by that word 'until', but he was here now, and his reference to my safety brought up more pressing concerns as one more memory jolted through my overtaxed brain.

"James! How - what - did he - you said he was behind us! Where..."

Edward nodded slowly, studying my face warily, like he wasn't sure how much more I could handle.

"Yes. He came close enough for me to read his thoughts just after Charlie entered the store."

"Charlie!" I gasped. My mind must have shut that part out, but it hit me with even harder force the second time around. "Oh, God, my dad! Did he..."

Edward shook his head, dark eyes locked to my face, but I noticed that he made no move to physically comfort me as he normally would. "No. I read his mind. He has no intention of harming Charlie. He's rather enjoying stretching the game out, taking his time. He's letting your own father do the work. The irony appeals to his sadistic senses."

Edward's lips curled back, baring his teeth, and I knew exactly what he thought of James' sick pleasure with the idea of my own father being the one to sign my death warrant by finding me. I saw the effort it took to get control of himself before he continued.

"And there's something else there too, but...he didn't think clearly enough of it for me to be sure. Like something's chasing _him_ as well. I can only assume that my family's been tracking him, shadowing him; and then when he got too close to Charlie, they made a move. I would assume that's why James broke off following us from the store so abruptly and then disappeared again. He must have sensed my family was close, although they never got close enough for me to hear."

"Or maybe we just outran him," I offered, trying to calm the rapid beating of my heart and the panic that threatened to overtake me.

The overly careful way that he searched my face, again gauging my ability to handle what he had to say, made my blood ran cold. This was the worst of it, I was sure.

"What?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.

His lips pressed into a thin line, and ever so briefly he reached toward my face. He thought better of it, clenched his jaw, and dropped his hand without ever touching me. His voice was grim. "Bella, we shouldn't have been able to outrun him. Not like that. He was almost on top of us by the time I got you in the Jeep. I thought he would attack at any moment. He _intended_ to."

My breath caught in my throat, as my subconscious began to debate whether or not to give back in to the seductive pull of unconsciousness. Knowing James had been so close was nearly enough to shove me back over the edge. But then Edward abruptly switched gears.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. That's the reason I couldn't stop, even when you felt sick. And then when you..."

His hands came up to hide his face, his head dropping into them as he groaned. "I had to drive for an hour with you unconscious, before James finally disappeared. It was another 30 minutes before we got here. It still seemed too close to stop, but you..."

I pulled at his hands, and he allowed me to remove them from his face, gratefully taking hold of mine and gripping them in his own. He brought one to his lips, closing his eyes as he kissed it. Relief flooded me as he allowed that contact, and then again when he continued to hold my hands and rested his forehead against them. "These have been the longest two hours of my existence. I called your name so many times, but you just...you wouldn't even look at me. You just..." He bit his lip, shaking his head, and then ever so gently released one of my hands and brought a finger to my face to trace it down my cheek. The agony on his face when he looked at me held me transfixed.

"My Bella...Where did you go?" he finally whispered, his voice hoarse.

I didn't even know the answer to that one. Clearly, I'd been in worse shape than I thought. To me, it'd been nothing more than a pleasant sleep. I couldn't help wonder what Edward had seen. Had my eyes been open? Had I stared wordlessly, sightlessly at him? Vaguely, I thought that perhaps I remembered him calling my name; remembered the sound of crashes and growls and pleas and agony. Everything had just been too much; I had just shut down to protect myself. But I could hardly ask Edward what had happened, not in his condition. He didn't need anything else to feel guilty for.

"Nowhere," I reassured him instead, breathlessly, still unsure about how much I should touch him at his current level of thirst. "I'm right here. I'm not _going_ anywhere. I'm with you. I'm fine." Taking a deep breath and gathering my courage, I volunteered for the last thing I wanted to do: getting back in the Jeep. "We can even go, if we need to. It's okay. We can get back on the road right now."

If anything, Edward looked even more miserable. He turned his head, looking sideways past me. I followed his gaze, gasping at the gorgeous view in front of me. Almost one full wall of the huge room was made of glass, looking out into one of the most magnificent forests I'd ever seen. I hadn't noticed it before. I'd only been looking for Edward. But even in the midst of our horrifying situation, the beauty made my breath catch in my throat.

"Oh...Edward...it's beautiful."

Again, he looked at me with those eyes that seemed to be trying to assess just how much I could deal with. "It's one of Carlisle's many real estate holdings," he told me carefully. "I've lived here many times. The property backs up to the forest, and it's very secluded. Nothing for miles."

Slowly, I began to catch up with why we were still here. Suddenly, I sat a little straighter. "Oh."

"I have to hunt," Edward confirmed hoarsely, when he saw my understanding. He sounded as though he was confessing to a crime. "Leaving you is incredibly dangerous, but I can't risk _this_ anymore either. I should be strong enough to stay with you, Bella, but I'm not. I'm too weak, and yet still a thousand times stronger than you. I'm as dangerous to you as James, at this point."

"So you're...taking me with you?" My voice shook, suddenly unsure if I wanted to see Edward on the attack after coming so close to being a meal myself.

His eyes closed, his shoulders falling. "You know I can't do that. You have to stay here."

The idea of being left alone when James had been so close earlier was frightening, but I wasn't about to ask Edward to stay when he so clearly needed to go. "I'll be fine here," I assured him, trying very hard to mean it. "I won't try to leave."

Edward exhaled deeply, opening his eyes with a new look of firm resolve in them that was almost frightening. More frightening was the fact that that firm look was focused on the ground in front of him. He refused to meet my eyes, and he looked like a prisoner on his way to the gallows. His voice sounded strangely dead when he spoke.

"I know you won't leave, Bella. I'm going to make sure of it."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	5. Not So Snap Decision

**_from Eclipse, Chapter 24, 'Snap Decision', pg. 537_ **

**_"It will be over very soon. If I didn't truly believe that, I would be down there now - and you'd be here, chained to a tree or something along those lines."_ **

* * *

Chapter 5

Finally, Edward met my eyes, but what I saw there was no comfort. "You may never speak to me again after this, and I regret that more than I can tell you. But you've left me no choice. Your safety is more important."

A sick feeling began snaking its way through my stomach. I inched backward away from him a little bit. "What...what do you mean?"

He leaned away from the wall now, beginning to close the distance between us. His eyes burned into mine.

"I can't hear your thoughts, Bella. If I could, it wouldn't be an issue. Even if you ran, I could find you before James could. This wouldn't be necessary."

In a sudden panic, I scrambled to my feet, backing away. What the hell wouldn't be necessary? A shiver ran down my spine when I saw how dark his eyes were. For just a second, I was struck with the terrifying thought that maybe he intended to feed from _me..._

Edward sprang lightly to his own feet, looking every bit the stalking predator all of a sudden, but still with that same look of dread on his face. He seemed desperate for me to understand, but I still had no idea why. I couldn't make my throat form words. Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your perspective - he was still talking.

"But I _can't_ hear you. I can't know what you're planning or what you're doing when you're out of my sight. I can no longer afford to simply trust you. Doing so has already endangered you once. I just can't let that happen again."

Okay, I knew what _that_ part meant. Wincing, I glanced down at the pieces of Charlie's credit card, abandoned on the floor when Edward had jumped up.

Like the victim in some kind of slasher movie, I decided to try bargaining. "Edward...I wasn't trying to lead Charlie to us. I just…I wanted to do something for myself. On my own. Really. It's okay. You can trust me."

His eyes closed. "Stop, Bella," he cut me off, and it occurred to me that he'd probably heard similarly ineffectual pleas from humans in his past - most likely, ones he'd killed. The thought was a chilling one. "I _do_ trust you, with everything but this. You didn't intend to endanger yourself. But you did. Surely you understand that with a monster like James after you, I can't take that risk again. I _have_ to know you'll be right where I left you while I'm gone."

He had gone eerily still. I continued backing away...for all of another 3 steps, before his eyes snapped open and his body tensed to spring. He must have been building his resolve...

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I'll understand if you can't...but I'm begging you to forgive me for this."

I opened my mouth to scream, but I never got the chance.

Suddenly, I landed on the bed, flat on my back. There was no _oomph_ to it. I had been picked up and then set down as gently as a carton of eggs, which was nothing short of miraculous, considering the speed with which it happened. But before I even had a chance to ponder what I was doing there or why, I felt what I _thought_ was the icy cold of Edward's hand settling around my wrist and pulling it over my head.

But it couldn't have been his hand, I realized quickly, because his hand closing around my wrist wasn't usually accompanied by the sound of metal ratcheting shut, click by rapid click. Being the police chief's daughter I should probably recognize that sound, but then again, I'd never really accompanied Charlie on many arrests, either...

But I still thought I had a pretty damn good idea of what it was.

My suspicion was confirmed when I realized that the icy coldness was still around my wrist, despite the fact that Edward had now backed several paces away from the bed, looking incredibly nervous and uncomfortable.

Holy. Freaking. Crow. Edward Cullen had just handcuffed me to the bed. Specifically, he had just handcuffed my left wrist to one of the four posts of the headboard, with my arm stretched out over my head. I was so shocked I didn't even move at first.

"Edward! What the hell!"

He winced at my language, but he didn't back down. "I don't like this any more than you do, Bella, I assure you. This is strictly for your safety. Please don't be concerned that I have any less than honorable intentions."

I just stared at him for a few seconds, uncomprehending, and I very nearly rolled my eyes when I finally translated that one into 21st Century English. _He_ thought that _I_ thought he...oh. _Riiiight._ Yeah, like _that_ was what I was worried about.

I'd never heard him babble before, but that changed as he backed another step away, misconstruing my silence for doubt of his intentions. "You have my word that I won't take advantage of you. I'll be back very soon, and I'll release you immediately. I don't intend to venture very far. I'll be listening for James, so if he comes anywhere near, I can be back almost instantly."

As only one wrist was secured, and he'd left enough give for my wrist to turn within the cuff, I soon realized that I could twist sideways and sit up on the bed, albeit awkwardly. While he was still talking, I quickly maneuvered so I could sit upright, my face turning brilliant red - from fury, for once, rather than embarrassment.

"Dammit, Edward, where the hell did you get _handcuffs,_ and what makes you think you have the right to _use them on me?"_ was all I managed to splutter, noting absently that my language was deteriorating rapidly.

He sighed in embarrassment, his hand coming up to rub at the bridge of his nose and partially covering his face. "Does it matter where I got them? The sooner I leave, the sooner I can return and release you."

I just glared at him, so he dropped his hands to his sides in frustration and answered me. "Fine. I got them _here._ All of our homes are incredibly well-supplied, with anything you might imagine. Carlisle's had centuries to accumulate all manner of antique collections, most with some functional use in an emergency situation. While living here, he maintained a collection of military antiques. These are from that collection."

My gaze finally turned to the cold metal around my wrist. They were nothing like the ones Charlie wore on his police uniform. Much heavier and darker, they _looked_ antique - and military - and very, very functional. The chain, leading from the cuff on my wrist to the one secured to the bedpost, was far longer than modern handcuff chains, about a foot long. My pale wrist looked tiny in the bulky dark metal.

I felt my eyes grow huge as I looked up at Edward, all of the color washing out of my face. We stared at each other for a moment, and his features filled with even more concern as he took in my pale appearance. A flicker of doubt crossed his features, as though he was seriously beginning to question the wisdom of this decision.

"Bella? Please, please tell me what you're thinking," he begged, his voice strained.

"Please, please tell me you have the key," I whispered in return.

He actually almost smiled at that one, just a ghost of an expression across his face. "I hardly need one. Those may be very sturdy, but they're no match for me. But if it will help to reassure you, yes, I have the key in my pocket."

I relaxed, just slightly, and he followed suit. His tone turned conversational, if still a little formal, as though this was some kind of everyday occurrence. "I'm simply relieved that I remembered Carlisle's collection stored in the garage. When I realized a few days ago that I'd eventually have to leave you to hunt, I had planned to use the ropes in the back of the Jeep to secure you. But this will allow you to be much more comfortable."

A few days ago? A few _days_ ago? He had _planned?_

My jaw fell open as reality slammed into my chest. I'd been angry enough when I thought I'd brought this all on myself by going behind his back with Charlie's credit card. I could almost accept his reasoning on that. Almost. But suddenly, I realized that this had absolutely _nothing_ to do with that. This was what he'd meant when I'd originally brought up the topic of him having to hunt and he had reacted so strangely. _This_ was the thing he'd dreaded. He'd never intended to leave me unrestrained even _before_ I broke his trust.

" _You've been PLANNING this all along?"_ I yelled.

Unhelpfully, he froze into place.

I just stared at him for all of two seconds. And then, for the second time in one day, I completely lost it.

"NO! No, no, no, no, no!" Without even thinking about it, I started viciously yanking my arm in an effort to free myself. Sharp pain registered in my wrist, but it wasn't enough to make me stop.

I turned my back on Edward, taking advantage of what freedom the long chain offered me to twist my body around so that I was facing the bedpost I was cuffed to. Using my feet for leverage against the headboard, I threw myself backward the full length of the chain and jerked against it, trying to break free. There was no give at all, but still I pulled, as hard as I could, over and over again, oblivious to the pain.

"Bella!"

Suddenly, Edward was sitting on the bed behind me, his hard chest pressed up against my back, stopping my backward momentum. His legs sprawled out on either side of me, with me between them. His left arm reached over my left shoulder and seized both my cuffed wrist and the chain in an ironclad grip, effectively stopping the possibility of me further injuring my wrist by pulling any more. I could feel the solid weight of him against me, with him leaning over my shoulder that way. My shoulder was wedged beneath his arm where it met his torso. His face was close beside mine, so much so that I could feel the icy cold coming off of him.

His right arm, rather than coming over my other shoulder, took the lower route, snaking under my arm and sealing itself snugly around my ribcage. He immediately lifted me and slid me forward, closer to the bedpost I was cuffed to, so that the chain was once again loose, rather than fully extended. He went with me, his chest staying in contact with my back so that I couldn't possibly start pulling backward again.

That done, he did release his grip on my midsection, but his arm stayed around me. He slid that hand under my cuffed wrist he already held with his other, softly cradling it. Using both hands, he gently lifted my captive arm so that he could see over my shoulder to inspect the damage to my wrist. I fought him the entire time, for all the good it did me, just on general principle. It wasn't like I was going anywhere, even if he wasn't so strong. I was completely encircled in his arms - one over my shoulder, the other around my waist - with his hands meeting in front of me to hold my still cuffed wrist. I was furious.

"Oh, Bella..." I heard him sigh. I felt his cool fingers gently touching the skin around the cuff, examining it. That stopped my struggles long enough for me to twist and look back over my shoulder toward Edward's guilty eyes. His face was so close I could feel his breath.

"What?" I snapped.

He made an unhappy sound. "Look at this. You're going to hurt yourself if I leave this on you."

I felt a little victorious. At least he realized _that_. He had seen reason and wasn't going to leave me restrained.

Or so I thought. At least until Edward suddenly disappeared from the room and then reappeared before I could even panic about the fact that he'd left me cuffed to the bed after all. And then, without warning, I was turned back around facing forward and then pressed flat on my back again on the bed, my still-cuffed left arm stretched back out over my head. In a panic I tried to push myself up, but only came up against solid resistance.

That was the moment I realized that Edward was now kneeling above me on the bed, straddling my waist. He put no weight on me, but his solid bulk effectively prevented me from rising to a sitting position. His arms reached up over my head, doing something to the headboard.

I didn't know what he was trying to do, and I didn't care. The feeling of being trapped took over, and I started bucking, kicking, twisting, and doing everything I could to escape. Something cold captured my one free wrist, and for one outraged moment I thought he had put another cuff on me before I realized that this time it _was_ his hand.

"Edward! Whatever you're doing, stop it and _get off of me!_ "

My struggles intensified...and that was _before_ I saw the loops of rope in his other hand...

Before I could even question him, my 'free' right hand was securely wrapped in soft rope and tied to the post behind me on my right side.

As I stared at him in wordless shock, Edward raised slightly off of me and reached into his pocket, his eyes grim. I bucked wildly fighting my bonds, and his hand shot out to grab the handcuff chain before I could hurt myself again. Before I knew it, the steel cuff was falling empty to the bed, and my left wrist was free. But not for long. Before I could attempt to pull away from him, something soft wrapped around it - to protect the skin I'd chafed, I realized later, when I'd calmed down some and was thinking more clearly - and then more rope looped around and over that padding as my left wrist received the same treatment as the right. It soon was tied to the bedpost behind my left shoulder - slightly looser around that wrist, but no less secure. The knots were all positioned perfectly out of reach of my questing fingers, my arms well separated so they couldn't reach the knots on the opposite arm. I would be staying there until he decided to untie me.

Great. One more thing Edward was good at. Good to know.

This time, with both wrists tied, I couldn't even sit up, despite the fact that Edward had quickly got off of me the moment that both wrists were fully secured to the headboard. So that was what he meant about the handcuffs being more comfortable. With the ropes, he felt compelled to secure _both_ hands so I couldn't untie myself while he was gone. I no longer even had the relative freedom of the long chain. I _would_ have been better off with the cuffs, just like he'd said. I was getting really, really tired of making my own situation worse.

Still he leaned over me, carefully adjusting things here and there, for almost another minute. With a disgusted sigh, I pressed myself deeper into the soft bed, recoiling as far from him as I could. I closed my eyes and stopped fighting him, so angry I couldn't even look at him. I didn't have to look to know that his worried gaze kept falling on my face, distracting him from whatever he was doing. I could _feel_ it.

Eventually, he must have been satisfied that I was completely secure, and I heard him slowly back away. I knew he was intentionally _letting_ me hear him, to let me know where he was. It certainly wasn't as though he couldn't move silently. I kept my eyes shut tightly. I had to. It was either that or break down in tears. I could still feel his eyes on me, the heavily palpable sense that he was waiting for something.

"Bella?" He tried softly, tentatively. "Will you look at me? Please. Just for a moment. This is important."

I didn't even acknowledge him. I told myself that it was because I just refused to give him the satisfaction. In reality, I knew I would fall completely apart if I opened my eyes and saw on his face even half of the sweet concern that was radiating through his voice. But it really didn't matter. I didn't have to see it to know it was there. It was melting my anger, and that was _so_ unfair. Already, I was dangerously close to pleading with him to not leave me there alone, to just untie me and _hold_ me instead, his thirst be damned. So no, looking at him wasn't an option right then. The tears were threatening to leak past my lashes as it was.

I heard his small sigh, a tiny soft sound of resignation, when I seemingly continued to ignore him. "You must be terrified of me, and I can hardly blame you. But if anything happens while I'm gone, I need to know that you'll call out my name. I'll be close enough to hear you, and I'll be at your side instantly. You can't hesitate to call me. Do you understand me, Bella?"

I still didn't open my eyes, but I managed to nod my head. The tear that escaped and ran down my face, however, apparently did little to reassure him. I could hear the shaky breath he drew.

"Regardless of what you may think of me right now, I'm still far safer than the alternative. I would die to protect you, Bella, without a second thought."

My eyes opened immediately, desperate to find him, but still too late. He was already out the door and into the forest.

* * *

I couldn't help it.

After the first fifteen minutes, I had made up my mind not to cry anymore. After all, it wasn't as though my 'captor' intended to harm me - far, far from it. I was safe, even lying bound to the headboard of that ridiculously sturdy and probably massively expensive bed. I gave one more ineffective tug with all my might, a move which netted me exactly nothing. My frustration soared.

Stupid rich vampires and their elegant tastes; only the finest, strongest wood and softest ropes would do for securing their fragile humans _against their will_.

But still, aside from my rapidly swinging emotions, I was safe; almost ridiculously so. Edward was so far gone with worry over me at this point, I had no doubt he would be back very soon, determined not to allow so much as a fly to land on me. My father was safe, too, according to Edward. Carlisle and the rest of Edward's family were seeing to that, he believed, and I believed _him_. So I didn't need to cry about my own safety, or Charlie's.

And yeah, when this was eventually over and Edward released me back to Charlie, I was going to be grounded for the rest of forever. But at least, if I _did_ decide not to weld my window shut for the rest of time, I'd still have a boyfriend who could silently let himself straight into my room every night anyway, so what did even the repercussions at home matter?

But as I lay there, I became more uncomfortable by the second - not because I was losing circulation or experiencing muscle strain, because I wasn't. I knew that Edward had been _extraordinarily_ cautious to make sure that wouldn't happen. He'd put that medical school knowledge to good use, I thought acidly. I had, in fact, helplessly lain there, refusing to watch, while he went to great lengths to doublecheck that the loops around my wrists weren't too tight and that I had enough slack to move around some, all while still not being able to reach the very tightly tied knots...as though I had any hope of picking loose a vampire-strength knot anyway. No, it was more the fact that I _couldn't_ get up. It was definitely more of a mental thing.

And did it make me absolutely _the_ most horrible person on earth to be a tiny bit frustrated that I'd managed to fall in love with the _one_ unbelievably gorgeous vampire on the face of the planet who could expertly tie his girlfriend down to a bed in a secluded forest mansion without even _thinking_ about the possibilities for making that a _fun_ thing? No, it was all about _safety._ In retrospect, for just a second, I wanted to laugh. Only Edward...

But humor died out quickly as the enormity of the past days hit me.

So yeah, the tears came back. Again. The first helpless sobs just annoyed me. After that, the remainder of my tears were fueled by pure _frustration_ with the whole situation, along with a healthy dose of anger at Edward for leaving me like this. Before I knew it, I was halfway to full-fledged hysterics as I tugged harder at the ropes holding me down - a bad idea, because the wrist I'd injured with the handcuffs was beginning to swell as I continued to yank on it, aggravating the injury.

My breakdown continued, leaving me puffy eyed and miserable. I thought I might never stop, at least until I heard the sound of what must be the front door to the house opening. That silenced me and froze me in place pretty fast.

* * *

James...it had to be. But _how?_ Edward had promised to stay close enough to hear James' thoughts. How could he have found me?

With renewed purpose, I jerked hard against the ropes holding me to the bed, not quite willing to scream yet and reveal my location. But even in the sudden violence of my now frantic struggles, there was absolutely no give. If Edward wasn't close enough to hear that James was here, was he close enough to hear me scream? Had something happened to him?

I sucked in a terrified breath, ready to scream Edward's name at the top of my lungs and just pray he could get there before James did something to me that not even vampire venom could save me from.

But when the locked door to the room I occupied was forced open in one quick, surprisingly quiet movement, the crushing weight of panic killed my scream in my throat as I thrashed in utter, soundless terror.

I didn't bother to look up at James entering. What good would it do? As though the ropes made me any more helpless against him - which, in reality, I knew they most certainly did _not_ \- my attention was on desperately (and pointlessly) trying to get my fingers just the extra half inch they needed to reach the knots. I planted my feet flat for leverage, arching my back so I could crane my neck back to see what I was doing.

I didn't want to die tied down like an animal.

Still struggling, my breath came in terrified gasps and sobs as I waited for the snarl that would signal the end of my life.

The low whistle of surprise that I heard instead caused my terrified eyes to swing around to the door, to the three forms that now stood just inside it:

Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. Misapprehensions

Chapter 6

I'm not sure whose eyes were widest, mine or the trio of vampires. A lingering hysterical sob escaped my lips as I gasped once for air, and then all was quiet as I finally started to realize that I wasn't about to be killed after all.

The surprised whistle, clearly, had come from Emmett. It was his face I was first drawn to, even though he stood in the rear of the group. His stance was defensive; he had his parents' backs if trouble followed them into the house. He didn't speak, but his eyes ran over me, more seriously than I'd ever seen him, looking for any sign of blood or damage. His uncharacteristically frowning face said that if he found any, he'd be the _second_ person in line to get a piece of his brother - me being the first. He'd probably hold him for me. I had no idea why, but something about the scene he'd walked in on set Emmett on edge.

For me, the feeling of Emmett's brotherly protectiveness was a calming one. I'd never expected to fall in love with one vampire, much less have another one for a big brother. I found that I rather liked the idea of both. Already, I felt less hysterical.

Now if one of the vampires would just untie me...

My attention next turned to Esme's face, which was completely unreadable. Like Emmett, she was utterly speechless. Had vampires been able to go into shock, she would have needed to be treated for it. After all, did _any_ mother really want to wander into a room where her son was staying, only to find his girlfriend tied to the bed, hyperventilating and desperately trying to escape, complete with a panicked look and a tear-streaked face? No, probably not. I wanted to calm her concerns, but speech was beyond me at that point. I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe.

Carlisle was the first to speak. He stood at the front point of the little triangle they formed, his expression radiating both disappointment and understanding in equal measure.

"Oh, Edward," he uttered the first thought through his mind, on a heavy sigh, as his eyes briefly closed and he slightly shook his head.

He was then at my side before I had even noticed him moving. Adrenaline still surged through me, the fading terror that James had found me. I yelped, flinching away from Carlisle and whimpering as my all-too-human eyes finally adjusted and saw him suddenly standing there over me. It was pure, adrenaline-fueled jumpiness, over as quickly as it started. But Carlisle immediately withdrew the hands that already reached toward my bonds, misinterpreting my reaction.

His mouth fell open slightly, and he exchanged a loaded look with Esme. When he turned back to me, his eyes were filled with even deeper concern than before.

"It's all right, Bella," he assured me, holding his hands out to his sides with his palms forward, a gesture one might make as they approached a frightened or injured animal. He made no move toward me. "We won't hurt you. _I_ won't hurt you. I'm just going to untie you, okay?"

Shaking my head furiously and feeling my entire face blush pink, I tried to explain my reaction. I failed, epically.

"No, it's...I'm fine...I just didn't see when you...this isn't what...I mean, he didn't..."

But my disjointed explanation made sense to _somebody,_ at least. Emmett appeared by the bed next to Carlisle, back to his happy-go-lucky self. Now he just looked amused at my spluttering as he reached down and picked up the forgotten handcuffs that still lay on the bed beside me, twirling them around his finger. He seemed a little impressed.

" _Damn_ , Edward. _Kinky_. Didn't see that one coming."

Okay, so maybe he'd just gotten the wrong idea in a completely _different_ direction. Typical Emmett. I blushed even pinker, and his big-brotherly delight about that was all too plain to see. Probably the only thing that could have made it better for him was having Edward there to hear it.

Carlisle, unlike Emmett, was less than amused.

" _Emmett!"_ I had never heard the calm, unflappable doctor sound so frustrated or impatient. For just a second, as he turned to glare at Emmett and snatch away the antique cuffs, I could actually imagine this gentle creature as a terrifying...vampire. The bulky metal disappeared out of my sight for the last time. Carlisle had put them somewhere out of view so quickly that I didn't even see it.

"Sorry, Bella," Emmett told me, almost managing to sound remorseful for the split second before his lip jerked back upward. "But c'mon, you've got to admit...I mean, it's _Edward._ "

At that point, the only thing that could have surprised me more than Carlisle's ferocity was the furious snarl that came from the last place I'd ever expected to hear it. Beautiful, loving, motherly Esme had just _snarled_ at her biggest son.

"Emmett! Not one. More. Word."

Before I could even blink, she was on my other side. I managed not to jump this time. In contrast with her vampire speed to get over to me, her hand moved at a snail's pace as she cautiously brought it to my forehead to smooth the hair out of my eyes. She smiled warmly, but it faltered for just a second when her sharp eyes flicked to my left wrist, which, thanks to my my ill-conceived escape attempt, had now swollen to the point that the ropes were no longer loose around my wrist as Edward had left them. My struggles when I thought James had found me had only increased the swelling. The ropes were now cutting in painfully and noticeably.

I saw Esme catch Carlisle's eye, silently using her eyes to indicate my injured arm to him. I heard his small noise of disapproval and watched Carlisle's jaw clench, as Esme returned her attention and warmth to me.

"It's okay, sweetheart," she soothed. "We're here to help. Carlisle's going to get you loose, all right?"

I still wasn't sure I could speak without sounding like some kind of traumatized catastrophe victim. Adrenaline had begun to fade, I was starting to crash, and I could now feel myself shaking from head to toe. "Yes. P- please." My lips trembled, and I couldn't force my tongue to form any other explanations.

"Bella, you're injured," Carlisle told me gently, in what I was certain was the voice he reserved for his most cowardly, terrified patients. "It'd be faster to just break the ropes, but I'm afraid I might hurt you worse in the process. If you're okay for just a few seconds more, I can untie the knots without having to take that risk." He still didn't seem entirely sure that I wasn't going to freak out on him, so I tried to reassure him - which probably would have been more convincing if I wasn't shaking like a leaf.

"I'm f- f- fine. Do what you need to. I tr- trust you."

A small, pained smile graced Carlisle's features before he slowly approached me again. Seeing that I didn't curl up in a ball and start screaming, he finally began to make swift work of the knots Edward had taken such care in tying. Before I knew it, the loops hung loose around my wrists and my arms were free. Without waiting for Carlisle to finish the job, I used more force than necessary to sit up and jerk the loops off my wrists, flinging them across the room angrily. Still shaking, I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly freezing and shivering as well. Esme sat down on the bed beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders tightly. It should have only intensified the freezing feeling, but it didn't. Had she tried to let go, I might have started crying again.

Ignoring their inquisitive faces _and_ my shaky voice, I answered the only question I felt like answering.

"He finally had to h- hunt. He wasn't going far." I gulped, and had to stop and slow my breathing, which still came in gasps as I tried to recover from my fear. Esme gently smoothed my hair. "He's only l- listening for me and J- James, but he's going to be back here f- fast if he h- h- hears you. He's not...he's not going to be happy to s- see - to see you."

"Bella..." Carlisle began, and I realized he'd backed off after releasing me and had been silently scanning me from head to toe at a distance. Not finding anything else of concern, he was now staring at my swollen wrist, fingers twitching at his side with the urge to see for himself how bad it was. "How exactly did you hurt your wrist?"

A sharp hiss escaped from Esme, drawing every eye to her - but her eyes were fixed on Carlisle, glaring menacingly. The two vampires exchanged another loaded glance, and I realized that she was objecting to his phrasing which unintentionally put the blame on _me_ for being hurt. I didn't have to ask who she thought _was_ responsible. I'd never seen her like this before. She was angry at her son, I gathered, most likely for taking off in the first place and worrying her, but also on my behalf. I felt guilty about that, but there was nothing I could do about it. At the same time, it also warmed my heart that she cared for me so much.

Carlisle had the look of someone caught in the middle - like part of him agreed with Esme, but I also saw another flash of that same look I'd seen on his face when he first came into the room...understanding. Some part of him, more so than Esme, understood Edward's actions. But I noticed that he _did_ rephrase his question when he started over.

"How were you injured, Bella?" he amended diplomatically, and I opened my mouth to answer, prepared to clear up all of the misconceptions.

But a much more terrifying thought hit me at that exact moment, and I jumped to my feet instead.

"Oh my God! Charlie! If you're all here..."

Esme had risen with me, and she took me by the shoulders now, forcing me to look in her face despite my panic. "Bella, relax. Chief Swan hasn't been unguarded for even a moment. Alice says James has taken a different course now which doesn't involve him, but Rosalie is still guarding him just in case. Your father's _fine,_ Bella. We're taking care of you both, I promise."

I relaxed somewhat, sinking back to the bed in relief. Again, Esme mirrored my action, staying close and putting a supportive arm back around me. I still hadn't stopped shaking.

And then the floodgates opened, my tongue loosening and every question I had spilling out at once.

"But why are the three of you here? Why not...where's Alice? Can she see anything? Who's looking for James? Where's Jasper?"

Emmett took the first question, grinning at me. He jerked his huge thumb first in the direction of Carlisle and Esme, then at his own broad chest as he spoke. " _They're_ here to give Edward the parental guilt trip. _I'm_ here in case he needs his ass kicked."

I stared at him for just a moment and then blinked in surprise as a quick breathless laugh unexpectedly shot out of me. I felt almost normal looking into Emmett's good-natured face, seeing how overly pleased he was with himself for his joke. I could definitely get used to having a big brother, especially one like Emmett. I managed a smile for his benefit, knowing he'd appreciate my answer.

"Oh, he does. Believe me. But I want to be the one to do it."

Emmett grinned huge at that, showing his teeth. There was a look of approval in his eyes as he interlocked his fingers, popping his knuckles and flexing his muscles at the same time. "I can arrange that."

"Emmett, you're not helping." That was Esme's soft voice, but I thought I saw a hint of a smile on her lips as she gave me a gentle squeeze, glad to see me acting somewhat normally. She seemed a little more relaxed now.

Carlisle interjected then, still serious. The furrow in his brow increased with concern as he attempted to answer the rest of my questions.

"Jasper and Alice tracked and pursued James while he was following Chief Swan. The three of us, along with Rosalie, have been tracking you and Edward since he took off with you. Rosalie is now with Charlie, just in case, as James seems to have tired of involving him in his game. Jasper and Alice were tracking him back toward Forks as of this morning, when we last spoke to her, but he had not yet decided on a new path."

I was pretty sure I probably looked as confused as I felt. "But Edward hasn't heard you. He's been listening for you. How...how did you follow us all this way without him knowing?"

Carlisle smiled, also seeming more relieved now that I was responding more naturally and asking questions that made sense.

"I know my son's abilities well. We've stayed just out of his range so Edward wouldn't hear our thoughts and become even more frantic. Alice has been able to pinpoint you every step of the way through Edward's decisions. She saw this morning that he would be leaving to hunt and that he would be utterly focused on listening for James' voice, to the exclusion of all others. That's why we decided to risk coming in closer to check on you. We were simply going to make sure you were all right without your noticing us, but when we got close we heard you crying..." He trailed off, his lingering question about my tears obvious: just how far off the deep end _was_ Edward? Why _had_ I been crying?

"I'm fine," I responded, hating the tightness in my voice and the tears that sprang back into my eyes just thinking about my temporary confinement. "I didn't mean to worry you. I wasn't hurt, and I'm not afraid of him. I did this to my own wrist, trying to break free. It was stupid. But I was just so... _mad_ at him."

It was a pretty simplistic response, and a slightly hostile one, at least as far as Edward was concerned. But that didn't seem to bother my new...family. The word gave me a warm feeling despite the knot of anger in my chest. They had belonged to Edward first, by many, many years. But here they were, allowing me to vent my frustration at him without chiding me for it.

"What do you want to do, Bella?" Esme asked me gently. "We'll do anything we can to help without putting you in danger."

What I really wanted was to get out of that room. But at the same time, I didn't want to leave Edward. In his state, I wasn't sure he could handle my disappearance. So I was as honest as I knew how to be as I found myself clinging to the woman I had begun to think of as my future mother.

"I want to go with _you_. I want to go home _._ But I don't want to leave _him_ , either. I want to _slap_ him. But I want to kiss him too."

My embarrassingly blurted words made no sense to me, but understanding radiated from Esme and Carlisle. This time as they exchanged a glance, there was a tiny smile on each of their faces. The man I already thought of as my second father approached a step closer, his eyes filled with truth.

"Bella, I don't pretend to condone what Edward did here today. Clearly, this has all gone too far. The decision what to do now is yours, and we will respect that. But I believe I might be able to explain his actions in a way that might ease some of your conflicted feelings. I can try, if you'd like?"

I sat up a little straighter, nodding eagerly. I hadn't dared hope to get a direct explanation of that look of understanding in Carlisle's eyes that I had seen a couple of times now. I wanted more than anything in the world to hear what he had to say that could possibly justify kidnapping and false imprisonment.

But I wasn't going to get that chance, it turned out - at least not at that exact moment.

A sudden, vicious snarl was punctuated by the sound of glass breaking. A _lot_ of glass breaking. Before I could even see what had happened - almost before I even heard it - Carlisle darted in front of me and grabbed me, shielding me as shattering glass shot through the room like tiny daggers.

I tried to look around him to see what had come flying straight through the wall-length window that looked out over the forest, shattering it along the entire length of the wall. But his arms and body held me fast, shielding my face and keeping himself between me and...whatever it was.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	7. Full Circle

Chapter 7

In the utter chaos that ensued in the initial moments after the entire wall of glass shattered, it took several moments for me to sort out exactly what had happened, to realize that not one but _three_ forms had come crashing through the wall into the room. They were moving so fast I couldn't tell who they were, but the one who had so viciously snarled was in front, closely followed by two others in hot pursuit. I held onto Carlisle for dear life as I tried to look around him, terror gripping me. My mind could only come up with one answer for who the three newcomers could be: James, Victoria, and Laurent.

But I was wrong.

It was only when the snarling one took a snap at Carlisle in an effort to grab me that I realized it was Edward - wild-eyed and frantic. Carlisle darted back and dodged him, with me in tow, but was only able to avoid him because the other two forms through the window smashed into Edward with a resounding _BOOM_ at almost the exact same moment.

"Carlisle, get her out of here!" came the clear, high-pitched shout from one of them.

"Alice?" I gasped, my mind reeling as I recognized the two vampires who'd chased Edward through the window: Alice and Jasper. But why were they here? And why were they after Edward? They were supposed to be chasing James...

And why was Edward so upset? Was it only because he feared his family intended to take me from him...or was there something worse?

Alice and Jasper seemed to have their hands full pulling back Edward, who growled ferociously, eyes locked on Carlisle. Emmett quickly joined the party, helping to restrain his brother.

"Now, Carlisle! You have to get her out _now_! Head for Forks." Alice yelled again. "Edward has to come with us."

" _No!"_ The primal growl from Edward seemed to shake the room. Unrestrained fury filled his black eyes, and I could see he hadn't found time to hunt in the time he'd been gone. So what _had_ he been doing? In fact...I soon realized that none of the Cullens had found time to hunt recently, probably since before Edward took me. All of their eyes were black as night, harsh dark circles in the hard skin beneath them.

Emmett, Jasper and Alice were clearly beginning to lose the battle to hold Edward. Though I didn't fear him, I instinctively moved closer to Carlisle, unsure what Edward planned to do when he inevitably broke free. Although judging by his reaction to Alice's suggestion, I was pretty sure that it involved taking off with me again.

"You _have_ to, Carlisle. Trust me," Alice urged. "Go!"

" _I said NO!"_ Edward hissed through clenched teeth, as he landed what looked like a vicious blow to Jasper, momentarily breaking Jasper's grip on him. Emmett, with the help of Alice and Esme, responded by shoving Edward into one of the remaining walls. But if Jasper hadn't been right behind them to resume his former place, they'd never have held him there.

Edward's shout was desperate.

"You're _wrong_ , Alice! I'd never let her do that! _Carlisle!"_

Carlisle visibly hesitated, his eyes going from his son to me.

"I trust your gift, Alice, but I can't do this to him without knowing why. Fill me in, quickly, but make sure Bella hears everything." Carlisle's voice remained calm as always, but from his protective stance close beside me, I could feel just how tensed he actually was - coiled and prepared to strike if necessary. "From this point forward, she has a say in this as well."

Alice huffed impatiently, clearly unhappy with that order. "There's no _time!_ It was a trap! James _led_ Jasper and me away, intentionally. _Victoria's_ here!"

"Good!" Emmett reacted first. "So stop fighting with _me_ , Edward, and let's go get her!" Edward only growled louder, and I suddenly realized that he already _knew_ about Victoria being there.

But how could he have known that? He had _left_ me. I felt myself begin to shake. Surely, he hadn't known _before_ he left me?

Carlisle exchanged a look with his wife.

"Victoria's presence is all the more reason we shouldn't split up, Alice," Esme's soft voice intoned, her eyes already locked back on Edward, and I knew that suggestion was her way of trying to protect me and protect her son's sanity at the same time.

"No!" Alice continued. "You don't understand. Carlisle..." And then her lips were moving so fast that I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I couldn't hear anything.

But I knew it was bad by the way Esme gasped, Carlisle's grip on my arm tightened, and Emmett forgot about holding onto Edward for a split second as his head snapped around in shock. Jasper and Edward didn't react as they continued to struggle, so I knew without question that they both already knew whatever Alice was telling the others.

Carlisle had clearly forgotten about keeping me informed. "Edward, if Alice is right about what they're planning, we have a responsibility to..."

"She's _not,"_ Edward snarled again. "And it doesn't matter! Bella's staying with _me!_ " A sharp yank against his brothers' arms punctuated that statement.

Alice sighed. "She'd never forgive you, Edward, and you know it. Carlisle, this has to happen either way. It's the one thing I've seen in every version, the thing that never changes."

Again, Esme interjected sensibly. "Then we should at least split up in even numbers with Victoria out there. Alice, you and I will go with Carlisle and Bella, while Edward, Emmett and Jasper handle..." She glanced uncomfortably at me as her words faltered. "... the _other_ situation."

Alice shook her head grimly. "No, we can't go with Bella. Only Carlisle can. Believe me. Because in approximately two seconds, Bella's going to..."

I'd had enough. I _needed_ to know what they were all talking about.

"Stop it!" I yelled, making everyone but Alice startle and look in my direction. "Tell me what is going..." But that was as far as I got. I had pulled away from Carlisle and taken a step toward Alice, ready to demand that she answer my questions.

But as usual, that didn't really go as planned. I stumbled almost immediately, pitching forward onto my hands and knees to catch myself - right in the middle of a pile of shattered glass from the window. The pain was instantaneous as glass sliced into my palms, which after just a short pause, began to become sticky with blood.

"...to do _that_." I heard Alice finish on another sigh, this one sounding more than a little weary. "Great."

" _Bella!"_

Edward broke free at that exact moment, spinning and crouching in front of me, positioning himself between me and all of his family, other than Carlisle, who was still behind me. His very, very thirsty family.

The next moments happened so fast that I was outside in Carlisle's car before I processed it all.

Carlisle surged forward from behind me and picked me up.

Edward turned to attack _him_ , a look on his face like nothing I'd ever seen. I had no doubt that he'd tear Carlisle apart if necessary to get to me, and the thought was so frightening it almost made me dizzy.

But in the next instant, Edward abruptly turned away to go after Jasper instead, who was headed right for me and Carlisle.

And what happened after that, I wasn't sure. I only knew that I was suddenly in a car with Carlisle, speeding away from the house and leaving Edward behind.

* * *

Probably an hour passed before I could bring myself to speak. Not even when Carlisle stopped the car just a few miles from the house, retrieved his medical bag, cleaned the glass out of my wounds, and applied bandages did I ever say a word. Then he wrapped my swollen wrist. When he was finished, I just brought my feet up onto the expensive leather seat and wrapped my arms around my knees. Blood was still oozing into my bandages, I noted with disinterest. Sometimes I stared out the window. Sometimes I stared at Carlisle. The concern in the gentle vampire's eyes was evident, but he didn't push me. He just gave me time to process.

I began to realize that we were, in fact, headed back toward Forks.

But that wasn't what I was focused on. All I could think about was the look on Edward's face.

"This is all my fault."

I almost jumped at the sound of my own voice. I hadn't even known I intended to say anything.

"Bella," the fatherly man beside me began. " _None_ of this is your fault. Of that I can assure you." I barely saw the rapid glance he shot in my direction, as though trying to decide whether to say more. He must have decided I could handle it, because after a moment, he continued speaking. "It's not truly Edward's fault, either, although I'm sure he's feeling the same way as you right now. He's reacted to all of this in the only way he knew how: instinctively."

Some of my residual anger with Edward reared its ugly head. "But he took a snap at you," I protested, tears rising in my eyes. "He would actually have _hurt_ you if not for...for what Jasper did." I didn't really want to examine the thing with Jasper much more closely. I kind of had the feeling I knew why Edward had let us go and turned on Jasper instead, and it was a little more than I could take at that moment.

The corner of Carlisle's lip turned up. "I can more than hold my own in a fight, if necessary, Bella, or I'd never have agreed to Alice's plan of taking you away by myself, especially knowing that Victoria is almost certainly following us. But yes, Edward's abilities _do_ make him a formidable opponent. In a one-on-one contest, he has the advantage over almost anyone. If Edward truly wanted to hurt me, the probability that he could do so is high, despite my years of experience."

I stared wordlessly at him for a moment or two. He almost sounded...proud of his son. "You're not mad at him?"

That same look of complete understanding was back on Carlisle's face as I had seen earlier. "No. I have only myself to blame for Edward's reaction today." His gentle smile was gracious for my sake, as he tried to carefully explain. "Edward is many things, Bella, but when all is said and done, he is still a vampire. And I'm not certain if he completely acknowledged this fact before the arrival of James and his coven, but human or not, you are his mate. I've known that for quite some time now. But when he broke the window out today and I grabbed you to shield you from the glass, I should have realized how he would react. Edward didn't see a father, at that point. He saw another vampire between him and his mate, keeping her from him. He read the thoughts of another vampire, one who was internally debating on removing his mate from his presence by force. Again, his mindreading capabilities mitigated the situation somewhat, in that he could see the purpose behind my actions. But his instincts still overrode that knowledge. It's actually quite understandable."

Again, I could only stare, at first. And then I felt the angry tears begin to fill my eyes as I remembered lying there bound to a bed, terrified that James had found me. And as it turned out, I _had_ been in danger. Victoria had been there. But most of all, I couldn't forget Edward driving away from that store while _knowing_ that James was with Charlie.

"Okay, fine. I guess I believe you. But he _kidnapped_ me. He kept me from Charlie, and he did _nothing_ to protect him! He _tied me to a bed_ and _left me there_."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed quietly. "He did all of those things, although in the case of Charlie, I believe Edward sensed we were nearby, even though we stayed far enough away that he couldn't hear us. But again, you were his sole focus, his only priority. Right or wrong, I understand why he took all of those actions."

"I don't," I whispered, though I desperately _wanted_ to understand.

Carlisle turned a gentle smile in my direction for a moment, before turning his attention back to the road. "Bella, there are many, many things I could say to you about this, but I believe it comes down to one simple statement. I've been with my son since 1918. Yes, he has a flair for the dramatic, and yes, he has a tendency to overreact. But in all these years, I can truthfully tell you that when he realized James wished to harm you, that is the first time I've ever seen him afraid."

The gently spoken admission knocked the breath from me like a physical blow - and Carlisle wasn't finished.

"I can also tell you that in all these years, the time since he met you is the only time I've seen him truly happy. I may not condone what he's done or the way he's gone about it, but I do understand it. In every way that matters, Edward hasn't been _alive_ until now. His love for you alone dictates that he must do whatever is necessary to physically protect you, even at the risk of alienating you. But this goes deeper even than that. As I said, you are Edward's mate. What happens to you affects him as well. The most basic instinct of all living creatures is the survival instinct. If you die, I feel confident in asserting that my son will quickly die with you - figuratively, at the very least, and quite possibly literally, if he is able to find a way. Instinctively, he understands that, whether he grasps it consciously or not. And he simply _can't_ trust anyone else - including his own family - to keep you _both_ safe."

I certainly had some new things to think about. Edward...scared. Completely terrified of losing me. I tried to put myself in his position, tried to imagine myself attempting to make rational decisions if I feared for Edward's bodily safety. I couldn't get past the cloud of terror to come up with anything. It actually _did_ make his actions more understandable.

But frustration still filled me at Carlisle's last word.

"Safe. Safe from _what_? Carlisle, what did Alice tell you? Please tell me what's going on."

Suddenly, his jaw tensed, his hand clenching the steering wheel more tightly as he inhaled deeply. He didn't move for a few seconds. "Bella, I'm not sure that would be wise. I'm truly not certain if you can handle this right now."

"Handle _what_?" I begged desperately. "Carlisle, _please!"_

He glanced at me again, and the hesitation flooded me with even more horror.

"Is it Charlie? Oh God, is he..."

"Charlie's fine," Carlisle cut in smoothly, and I almost relaxed...almost.

And then the world turned upside down again, as he gently continued.

"Bella...it's your mother. James has taken your mother."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	8. Parallel Destiny

Chapter 8

In that moment, it felt like the world turned upside down and threatened to shake me off of it. Panic gripped me by the throat, even though I couldn't seem to believe what Carlisle was telling me. Words of denial poured out of my mouth, my eyes wide in horror.

" _What_? I - no...NO! My mom's in Florida, with Phil. She's not - she can't be - NO! You're wrong!"

"Bella..." Carlisle began gently, before he thought better of it and pulled the car over so he could turn his full attention to me. He eyed me warily, as though afraid I might shatter, but his words were firm.

"Alice is certain. When we spoke with her this morning, she and Jasper were following James back toward Forks on foot. But at some point, Alice saw Victoria decide to approach you and Edward at our former home, where Edward had left you to hunt. From their isolated location, they couldn't reach us by phone to warn us, so they came to help us protect you and Edward. They believed that James was just luring them away so Victoria could attack.

"When they arrived, they found Edward chasing Victoria through the woods. He almost had her, but then Alice had a vision of James, in Forks, taking your mother. By that time, Alice and Jasper were right behind Edward, so he saw what she saw: James' decision to take your mother somehow ends up with you alone with him, unprotected.

"Alice left the chase to go to you, not realizing we had risked moving in closer and were already inside the house with you. Edward reacted to that…defensively. He turned around and chased Alice down and passed her, trying to get to you first. Jasper followed to protect Alice, and Victoria got away. You know the rest."

I stared at Carlisle in silence for a few seconds...and then I felt the bile rising in my throat. It was a good thing Carlisle had already stopped the car. Desperately flinging one hand over my mouth, I wrenched the car door open with my other hand, throwing myself out of the car and managing to land right in the ditch on my hands and knees. I didn't care. I retched until I was dry heaving, emptying the contents of my stomach into the ditch beside the car, sobbing and gasping at the same time. I was vaguely aware of Carlisle hovering nearby, but I was too sick even to be embarrassed.

It was so much worse than I'd even thought. Edward had been hunting while I was tied to the bed, all right. He'd been hunting Victoria. The thought of him going one-on-one with that monster was almost the most frightening thing I'd heard all day...almost. And it explained why it'd taken Edward so long to show up after his family arrived: he'd been too busy chasing Victoria alone, at least until he saw into Alice's head and had to come back to kidnap me again before Alice could. The whole thing made my head spin.

But the worst by far was Renee. I dry heaved again just thinking about my harmless mother in the clutches of James.

Finally, the horrible retching stopped. I pushed away, crawling backward a little before pushing back off of my knees and falling backward to sit on the ground. I drew my knees up toward my chest, holding onto them.

"Maybe she just saw what _could_ happen," I begged desperately, looking up at Carlisle as I rocked myself back and forth. I could feel my entire body tremble. "My mom's in Florida. She _is_. There's no way James could have got to her there...not yet. Maybe there's still time. I could warn her..."

"Bella...please listen to me." Carlisle knelt close by, not touching me. "Your mom's not in Florida. You've been missing for days. Charlie called her two days after you and Edward left, and she flew to Phoenix immediately to look for you there. This morning, she apparently decided to fly to Washington to be with Charlie."

Denial was beginning to fade. Unfortunately, it was replaced with anger. I pushed up furiously to my feet. To my frustration, Carlisle just remained where he was, looking up at me understandingly.

"How the hell did Alice not see this happening _before_ this?" I raged, gesturing frantically. "And why were so many of you following me and Edward instead of James? You could have stopped this!"

"You are the target of this, Bella," Carlisle told me reasonably, which only infuriated me more. It wasn't reason I wanted. "Our strategy was the most logical. With Jasper and Alice on James, they could relay information to the rest of us about his location. Not to mention that as a team, Jasper and Alice are close to unbeatable in a fight. Rosalie was protecting Charlie. And with the rest of us following you and Edward, we could be there near instantly if either James _or_ Victoria attacked the two of you. And if it was James who did so, that would bring Jasper and Alice to the scene as well. We would have a united front against them to protect you."

"But...Alice still should have seen it!"

Carlisle shook his head empathetically. "It was a snap decision on James' part. He didn't expect to find your mother in Forks. None of us did. Rosalie was outside the police station, shadowing Charlie, when Renee arrived at your father's house. She came from the airport by cab, with no warning. Neither Charlie nor Rosalie knew she was coming.

"After leading Jasper and Alice away and doubling back to Forks, James had intended only to go to your house to familiarize himself with his prey, to look for something he could use against you. Alice had seen that Charlie would be safely out of the house when James was there, so in her haste to get back to you and Victoria, she didn't focus on it. She simply didn't see your mother. Perhaps your mother's decision to go to your house was erratically made, another snap decision. James just took advantage of the opportunity."

Well, that would just be...typical, I thought, Renee making a harebrained, erratic decision. A sob ripped out of me then. It wasn't like I hadn't always figured that Renee's flighty ways would eventually be the death of her. I just hadn't counted on it being _this_ way.

"We have to do something," I managed to tell Carlisle miserably, feeling my knees begin to buckle from all the trembling. He shot to his feet instantly, from where he had still knelt below my level, and steadied me.

"We are, Bella. I'm keeping you safe because the rest of my family is simply too thirsty to be around you safely, Edward included. Rosalie will stay with Charlie, just in case. Emmett, Jasper and Edward will go after James and your mother. Alice will convince Edward. And then Esme and Alice should be coming to catch up with us shortly, though they'll have to maintain a distance, due to your injuries."

I felt the anger deflate out of me like a popped balloon. That anger had been so misplaced it didn't even bear considering any more. Without even my anger to hold onto, my composure took a drastic turn for the worse. I felt the sobs begin to build in my chest, my trembling intensifying until I could barely stand.

"Come, Bella. I'll take you somewhere that you can clean up."

It was the first I'd thought of what a mess I was, especially after being sick. Mechanically, I allowed Carlisle to lead me back to the car.

* * *

After a quick stop at a convenience store, where Carlisle disappeared inside for a minute or two while I hugged my knees and stared blankly out the windshield, we soon pulled into a rest stop off the main highway. Carlisle placed a bag in my hand, which after peeking into I realized contained a toothbrush, toothpaste, some soap, deodorant, and a hairbrush.

Despite my misery, I managed a tiny smile.

"Wow. That bad, huh? Sorry."

Carlisle smiled graciously. "For _your_ comfort, daughter. You'll feel better if you can clean up a little. I'll be right outside the door."

Tears sprang to my eyes. "I'm sorry...about yelling at you before. I know you're doing all you can."

Again, Carlisle just smiled. "I understand. We can't stay long, Bella. Go ahead."

Managing a tiny, still remorseful nod, I stepped out of the car.

I shivered a little as I entered the secluded rest stop bathroom, imagining monsters behind every partly open stall door. Looking back over my shoulder toward the main door, I reminded myself that Carlisle was right outside guarding the door - and that despite his gentle demeanor, he was a very experienced vampire who was well capable of protecting me.

I brushed my teeth to clear myself of the horrible aftertaste of being sick, feeling better almost immediately, at least physically. Quickly, I washed my face, washed up a little bit, and brushed my hair. After throwing everything back in the bag, I set it down on the sink and made my way into one of the disgusting stalls to use the facilities.

Just as I was about to open the stall door and let myself out, I suddenly froze into place at the sound of a metallic _thud_ from inside the bathroom with me - just outside and above the stall door.

I froze into place, not even daring to breathe.

One second passed.

Two.

Three.

Four.

I could hear my own heartbeat.

And then my heart leapt into my throat as I heard the main door to the outside fly open forcefully.

"Bella!"

In relief, I swung open the stall door.

"Carlisle?"

He was in front of me instantly, a protective arm outstretched.

"Are you hurt?"

I stared at him in blind terror. "No...why?"

His voice was calm as ever, but his nostrils flared as he sniffed the air, his eyes searching the room. "She was here. Just now."

It felt like my heart stopped beating. And then I followed his suddenly still eyes up to the skylight in the ceiling, meant to provide natural light during the day. A small, metal window to the side of it was pushed wide open, allowing cold air into the room. My heart picked back up at an alarmingly rapid pace as I realized that Victoria had come into the bathroom - just a few feet from me - via that small window. The metal thud I'd heard...

But why would she have come in and then left without making herself known? Or killing me?

"Let's go, Bella. We're getting you out of here."

* * *

Carlisle's in-car speakerphone system was already ringing when he escorted me all the way to my side of the car and gently pushed me in. I was still too terrified to be of much assistance. He closed the door and almost immediately reappeared in the driver's seat.

He didn't bother with hello as he punched the button to answer the call, while simultaneously peeling out of the parking lot at dizzying speeds.

I might have wondered how he knew who it was before he even answered...that is, if I hadn't known too.

"She's fine, Edward," were Carlisle's opening words as soon as he connected the call. "She didn't hurt her. Stay with Emmett and Jasper. You have a job to do."

"I'm coming to get her. Now. I mean it, Carlisle..." Edward's rich voice filled the car, marred by obvious terror.

"Edward!" His name ripped out of my throat as half plea, half sob. I'd never been so glad to hear his voice.

"Bella!" Edward's voice melted into pure desperation when he heard me. "Tell me where you are! I'll be there as fast as I can."

"No, son," Carlisle interjected firmly. "Emmett and Jasper need your help to rescue Bella's mother. You're the only one who can read James' thoughts when you find him."

"They _don't_ need me!" Edward growled back fiercely. "Alice is here. She saw Victoria within a foot of Bella. James only took her mother to get to Bella, and you know it, so I need to be with _her_! You can't protect her like I can. I can see them coming. Dammit, Carlisle, tell me where you _are!_ "

Carlisle didn't even bat an eye at the way Edward was speaking to him, though I had no doubt it was the first time he'd ever dared. "Why is Alice still with you? I thought she and Esme were shadowing Bella and me."

"Hi, Bella!" Alice's musical voice filled the car, and I wondered how she'd coaxed the phone away from Edward. "Esme is following the two of you. She'll be close by. I'm staying with the boys so I can warn Jazz and Em fast if Edward decides to take off again."

I didn't even give Carlisle a chance to answer. "Alice! My mom...please tell me she's going to be okay."

The raw fear in my voice must've been more than Edward could take. I heard a sharp hiss, some jostling, and then it was Edward's voice that answered.

"Bella, it's going to be all right. I promise. They'll find her. Just promise me you'll stay close to Carlisle until I come for you. _Promise_ me." His words were clipped, his tone intense.

"Edward? You're going to crack my phone in half." Alice again, this time in the background. "Take it easy. Do you have any _idea_ how much that cost?"

"Edward," I begged, ignoring Alice. "You have to listen to Carlisle. You have to find my mom. I'll be fine. Please... this is all my fault. I can't let her die because of me. I _can't_. _Please!_ "

"No!" Edward's insistent voice filled the car again. "I need to be where you are. It's the only way I can protect you. My family will take care of _your_ family. I need to take care of _you."_

Carlisle cut off whatever I might have said. "We'll be in touch, son. Alice, please try to make him understand."

Before I realized what had happened, Carlisle hit the button and disconnected the call, then turned off the ringer. The absence of Edward's voice left me feeling even more empty than before.

More time passed, as the car hurtled along the dark streets, before I was finally able to speak again.

"You hung up on him," I accused, finally.

"Yes," Carlisle stated gravely. "Though, certainly not to be unkind. Now that he knows you're unharmed, contact with you can only distract him from what he knows he must do now."

I nodded, mutely, wondering if there was anything in the entire universe that could actually distract _me_ from the horror of what was surely happening to my mom.

* * *

After a couple more hours of silently staring out the window, trying and failing to make any sense of some very hushed conversations Carlisle held over his handheld cell phone, I almost panicked when he finally pulled into my driveway.

I couldn't even form words. I just turned to stare at him in wordless shock.

"Your father's not here, Bella. I spoke with Rosalie earlier. Phil called Charlie this afternoon. He became concerned when he never heard anything else from Renee, after she called from Phoenix and said she was getting on a plane to Seattle to see Charlie. Charlie never even knew Renee was coming. He's at the police station now, coordinating the search effort for you both."

A lump formed in my throat. What must Charlie be going through? It was hardly news to me that he'd never gotten over my mom. Now she and their daughter were both missing, and both had happened on his watch. He must be frantic.

"He's safer there, Bella, and there would be no reason for James to pursue him at this point," Carlisle assured me. "Rosalie's on her way back here, as is Esme. They're going to watch your house from the woods. When Victoria inevitably tries to reach you again, the three of us will take care of her. You'll be perfectly safe. All you have to do is go about your normal routine as much as possible. I'll remain inside the house with you, but I won't interfere unless necessary."

Again, I stared at him in shock. "I'm _bait_?"

Carlisle shook his head, allowing a tiny smile. "No. Absolutely not. Even if I would consider such a thing - which I would not - Edward would likely kill me first and ask questions later. No, this is simply an effort to give you as much normalcy and stability as possible until we catch her. Victoria could find us anywhere we take you. The only advantage to bringing you here is that you can be more comfortable."

* * *

It didn't take long.

One moment, I was staring blankly through the TV in the living room, not even aware of what I was watching, while Carlisle stood like a statue at the door to the living room.

The next moment, Carlisle's head shot up at something his ears could hear that mine couldn't.

"Bella, stay inside! Esme and Rosalie intercepted Victoria outside! I'm going to assist them!"

And like that, Carlisle disappeared, chasing his wife and daughter, who were chasing the vicious monster that wanted to kill me. Well, one of them, anyway.

I felt very alone, all of a sudden.

At least, I felt alone until I immediately heard a ringing phone that I didn't recognize.

The first six times it rang, I sat frozen on the couch, trying to figure out what it was.

After a brief pause, it began ringing again. Muting the television set, I stood up on suddenly shaky legs and began following it. Without even knowing what it was, I only knew that it couldn't possibly be good.

The ringing got closer as I made my way up the stairs...closer still as I made my way to my bedroom… but it started to grow softer again after I passed the bathroom.

Again it stopped ringing, paused, and then started again.

Turning around, I carefully walked back to the bathroom, my eyes scanning cautiously as my heart thudded in my chest. I only saw one thing out of the usual, my little bag of toiletries Carlisle had bought me, the one I'd taken with me into the rest-stop bathroom.

With a shaking hand, I reached in and pulled out what I suddenly knew was going to be there...

A cell phone.

Victoria's cell phone, or one she had stolen. Maybe it was from someone she killed. Regardless, it was the reason she'd come into the rest stop bathroom. She must have been following us, and she took the opportunity of my being away from Carlisle for a few moments to swoop in and put it in my bag.

Edward had been right all along. I _was_ safer with him.

I knew who was going to be on the other end of the line, and it wasn't going to be Victoria. She'd simply led Carlisle and the others away so that they couldn't hear.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice not nearly as shaky as I'd expected.

"Hello, Bella," came an overly polite voice. And my blood froze in my veins, even though I'd known it was coming.

"Please don't hurt her," I pleaded. "Please. I'll do anything you want."

The sound of James' evil, cold voice rang through the lines.

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	9. Crash and Burn

**_from Eclipse, Chapter 3, 'Motives', pg. 88_ **

**_"So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were_ _ you _ _going to do about it?"_ **

**_"Why is the plane crashing?"_ **

**_He was trying to hide a smile now._ **

**_"The pilots are passed out drunk."_ **

**_"Easy. I'd fly the plane."_ **

* * *

Chapter 9

At the next moment — which, not so coincidentally, was two seconds after I made the decision to trade my life for my mom's — the house landline started ringing furiously. I ignored it.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked James, clutching the cell phone from Victoria in my hand too tightly. To my amazement, my voice didn't shake.

"Get in your truck and start driving before they get back. Take this phone with you and take the 101 south. You'll hear from me again, very soon."

I had been surprised to see my truck parked in the driveway when Carlisle first brought me home, knowing that I had left it at the Cullen house after the baseball game. He had explained that the first thing they did after Edward took off with me in the Jeep was to drive my truck to the bus station and leave it there, keys inside. Charlie had found it relatively quickly and brought it home, and any suspicion had been thrown off of the Cullens. It had also given Charlie a bogus lead to follow that would keep him out of harm. It had worked, too, at least until my stunt with the credit card.

Turning my attention back to the cell in my hand, I nodded like I thought James could see me. "Okay. I - okay. Just please...can I talk to her?"

A cruel chuckle sounded in my ear. "Oh, you'll be seeing her _very_ soon - at least for a little while. But that's not what you really want, is it? You want to know she's alive. Guess you're just going to have to take my word for it."

I had no idea where the undercurrent of steel in my voice came from. "No. Let me hear her voice, or I'm not coming. I'll use this phone and call Edward."

This time, James' laugh was nothing short of evil. "With pleasure. But just remember...you asked for it."

I heard movement, as though James was rapidly moving into another room. And then came a sickening thud, followed by a heart-wrenching cry that made my insides twist.

My mom's terrified, tear-filled voice flooded the line, making me sick to my stomach all over again.

"Please...please stop! What do you want with me? Who _are_ you?" Another shriek followed, and I could only assume James had hit her again.

"Mom!" I screamed into the phone, terror flooding me, but I knew she couldn't hear me. "No! Stop it, you _sick bastard_! I believe you! I'm leaving now."

Desperately, I looked for my truck keys. Great. Of course Charlie had hidden them, on the off chance that I came home, to keep me from taking off again.

It was too quiet. My mom wasn't screaming anymore. And the house phone had finally stopped ringing.

James still had that cruelly delighted tone to his voice. "Looking for your keys? Your father hid them on the belt rack in his closet. I had plenty of time to look around. Such a lovely home you have, so cozy. Too bad you won't be seeing it again. But dear old Mommy might see hers again - unless you do anything stupid like trying to call your boyfriend. It'd be a shame for him to meet with an unfortunate end as well."

I had jerked open Charlie's closet door and retrieved my keys before the final words were out of James' mouth. Before I could respond, a light click told me the call had disconnected.

As I passed the kitchen on my way out the door, shoving the cell phone in my pocket, I hesitated for a moment. The landline had just started ringing again. Was James checking up on me? Was I supposed to answer? Would he hurt my mom if I did? What if I didn't? Sudden anger flared, and I ran for the phone.

"What?" I snapped into the receiver, fully expecting to hear that diabolical laugh again.

"Isabella Marie Swan, don't you _dare!_ " It was Alice, more worked up than I'd ever heard her. "You stay _right there_ until Carlisle gets back. I _mean_ it."

Tears filled my eyes. "Alice, I can't talk to you. I have to go."

"Bella, stop! _Listen_ to me! I don't think you realize what you're doing. This will _kill_ him! You have to stop and think. If you hand yourself over to James, he's going to kill her anyway. _And_ he'll kill you either way. Let the boys take care of James. They'll get your mother back, Bella. Trust us."

"So they know where to find him?" I challenged her, already suspecting the answer. "They're on the way?"

Alice hesitated. "We're still a few hours away. They're hunting so they'll be strong enough to fight him when they _do_ find him. I made them take time to do it, and I'm doing the same. That's the only reason we're separated, and it's a good thing, too. If Edward was listening to my thoughts right now..."

Like she had summoned him by that statement, I suddenly heard Alice gasp. "Oh God...Edward - Bella, he heard! He's on his way here, and he..."

Panic flooded me as she spoke. I wasn't certain I could do this if I heard his voice - but I _had_ to do this. My mom's life depended on it.

Then all I heard was the sound of Edward growling, growing closer by the moment, and the low hum of Alice's voice going too fast for me to hear as she tried to either explain or calm him down.

"No! Bella!" It sounded as though Edward was already yelling at me _before_ he got to Alice. And then his desperate voice filled my ear completely as he took the phone. "Bella - Bella, listen to me, please...don't do this! I'm begging you. Wait for me to get there! I'll get her back safely for you, I swear it. Just please - _please_ stay there. I'm leaving right now."

That cemented it. Although Edward, Alice, Emmett and Jasper were still several hours away, even at their ridiculous driving speeds, there was no more time. I tried to put every ounce of what I felt into my voice, needing him to know that I didn't make this decision lightly.

"I can't let him hurt her. He said he'd kill her if I involved you, and he threatened you too. Edward, I'm so sorry. I _have_ to go. Please don't hate me for this."

_"Bella!"_ His voice was so loud, so full of pain that I almost couldn't get out the one other thing I had to tell him.

"I love you."

I could hear him shouting my name again, terror filling his normally gentle voice. I had to close my eyes and will myself to hang up the phone - but I did.

And then I was outside, getting into my truck and heading straight for the 101.

* * *

I hadn't traveled even 10 miles before the phone Victoria had given me was ringing again. I didn't bother with a hello. I already knew it was James.

"I'm doing what you said. Please...please promise me you'll let her go when I get there."

James didn't even acknowledge my pleas this time. His tone was light, sickeningly pleasant. He was _enjoying_ this, just like Edward had warned me.

"Keep driving South until you see a small blue car with tinted windows on the side of the road. There's a dirt path beside it. Drive your truck onto the dirt path, out of sight of the main highway, and leave it there. Leave this phone inside. Then run back to the blue car. Keys and another phone are inside, underneath the passenger seat."

"James..."

"Mommy looks awful scared. Better hurry."

_Click_

In utter frustration, I yelled and threw the phone, letting it make a satisfying _thud_ off the passenger window as it bounced back and almost hit me in the head. It wasn't like I'd be needing it again, anyway. James was already finished with that particular phone.

It was another half hour before I found exactly what James had described, a small blue car. It had Texas plates. It crossed my mind to wonder where James and Victoria had got it. After all, they were nomads, far from rich and sophisticated like the Cullens.

And then, with a sickening lurch of my stomach, I realized _exactly_ how they had got this car. The same way they got everything else, including the phones - from their victims. Some poor tourist from Texas wasn't going to be going home again.

The newfound nausea didn't leave me as I drove my truck off the dirt path into the woods, a little ways off the road. It hit me that it'd be the last time I'd see it, and I wondered when I'd become so sentimental about a hunk of metal. At least maybe Charlie would eventually find my truck, though I could only imagine what kind of conclusion he'd draw from finding it there.

Hesitating, I decided that the least I could do was take the time to give Charlie some closure. Scrambling around, I found a discarded sheet of notebook paper that had made its way out of my backpack after school one day. In the glove compartment, inside Charlie's maintenance journal for the truck, I found a pen. With a deep breath, I put pen to paper.

_Dad,_

_Please don't worry about me. I'm sorry to leave like this, but I had to get away from Forks. I'll be all right. I have money and a plan, and I'm not alone. I'm with friends, of my own will. I'll call one day if I can, but please don't worry for me if I don't. I love you._

_-Bells_

Not the most eloquent of notes, but I could only stomach writing so many lies. At least the last sentence was true.

I still had over half the paper left, and Charlie probably wasn't going to be the first one to find the truck anyway. I knew exactly who _that_ would be.

My hands trembled as I ripped the paper in half, leaving Charlie's note on the dashboard. Then I put pen to paper again...

_Dear Edward,_

_I hope you can forgive me for this. But if there was even a small chance, I had to take it. Please never doubt how much I love you. I'm doing this for you as well...I can't bear the thought of you being hurt trying to help me or my family. Please don't go after him. At least allow my sacrifice to protect you too. That's all I ask of you. I love you. I don't blame you for anything. I_ _ love _ _you, and I'm so sorry._

_All my love,_

_Bella Swan_

That note I took with me. I ran back to the main road and buried it under some leaves right beside the blue car. It bore my scent. When Edward inevitably found the point that my scent disappeared, the place where I got into the car James left for me, he'd find my letter. That I knew.

That was it. There was nothing left to do but go and die. I suppressed a horrified shudder as I climbed into a dead man's car.

* * *

James called almost as soon as I was inside the blue car. And he wanted me to turn around and go back the other way.

A strangled sob filled my throat.

"You sent me the wrong way?" I accused in fury, realizing that I must sound insane. What reasonable person was in such a hurry to die?

"Just go north on the 101, back toward Forks, and keep driving until I call." Was it my imagination, or did James sound annoyed this time? The last time I'd talked to him, he'd seemed to be savoring every moment of his "game". Had something happened to change his plan?

Either way, I had no choice but to do what he said. The realization that James was going to drag this out filled me with even more frustration, but what choice did I have?

* * *

Another half hour passed as I backtracked. With every mile, I became increasingly frustrated and angry. I was getting dangerously close to a breakdown.

Deciding to trade your life is one thing. Having to drag the process out for hours is tantamount to torture. Which, I assumed, was exactly what James intended.

That's when the unexpected happened.

I was just a few miles from finally being back in Forks, deep in the woods, when I saw it...and heard it...and _felt_ it.

It sounded like a crash of thunder, and it felt like a small earthquake. But what it _looked_ like was a huge ball of fire rising up through the trees and into the sky behind me, coming from the direction I had just left my truck.

In shock, I just kept driving, one eye on the rearview mirror, watching the plumes of black smoke rising up out of the trees.

In fact, I was so busy staring out into the woods at whatever had just happened behind me, that I nearly didn't see James standing in the middle of the road in front of me.

I slammed on the brakes by pure instinct, coming to rest several yards away from him. Someone had screamed. It took a second to realize that someone was me.

Stopped in the middle of the road, car engine idling, I locked eyes with my would-be murderer. My heart was pounding so loudly that I could hear it in my ears. Fight or flight kicked in. Should I put it in reverse? Try to run over him?

All of those adrenaline-fueled ideas died with the memory that James had my mother. I had to do what he said, or he would surely kill her. None of those things would have done me any good, anyway. The car was no match for a vampire.

The side of James' mouth lifted up into an evil smile as he pointed one long, deadly finger at me. Then he crooked that finger up, summoning me to get out and come to him.

* * *

I have no memory of putting the car in park, opening the door and exiting the car. Nor do I know how I managed to put one foot in front of the other and walk out to meet James. My next memory is standing in front of him, only a few feet separating us. I do remember trembling from head to toe, waiting for him to strike at any moment.

He took a slow step forward, looking me up and down, dragging out his game, still with that sick smile. Fury filled me. Enough was enough.

"I did what you said." My voice shook with rage. "Where is my mother?"

His laugh was the definition of evil. Of _cruelty_. "How should I know?"

I started backing up, my breath coming in gasps as the futility of it all hit me. Had he already killed her? What a fool I had been. Alice had warned me. And Edward…my heart broke thinking about what my death was going to do to him.

"No. _No._ Just tell me where she is. _Please_." My voice broke on the last word.

I never saw him move. My next step backward propelled me into James' chest, where he had suddenly appeared behind me. His hand was around my throat in the next instant, pulling me hard back against him. His hand at my throat was probably a 'gentle' touch for him, considering that he hadn't crushed my windpipe yet. Too late, I developed an appreciation for the painstaking level of care Edward must use every time he touched me. James' grasp was so tight I could barely breathe. My entire back felt cold against him.

I heard his satisfied chuckle right next to my ear. "She doesn't matter anymore. It was almost too perfect...too easy. Your boyfriend's pathetic family took the bait. Just like I knew they would."

Stars were starting to swirl in my vision. I wasn't getting enough air, not by half. "Bait?" I pushed out in a rasp.

With his free hand - the one he didn't even need to hold me utterly motionless - James brought one finger to rest against my cheek, dragging it down the side of my face. I felt the cold of his face against mine, felt the movement of air as he inhaled deeply. He was _smelling_ me…smelling my blood, right through my skin.

With a whimper, I flinched, trying to turn away from him. I felt my airway close off completely as he tightened his hand around my throat. My fingers clawed desperately at his arm around my neck.

"Your mother. Renee, is it? We had our fun."

Suddenly, air entered my lungs again with a _whoosh_ as he released me, spinning me around to face him. He wanted to _watch_ when he said it. It wasn't like I could go anywhere. And he needed me conscious to hear it. He didn't want me passing out before he could regale me with the tale of how he had won. It was all part of the game to him.

Sucking in huge gasps of air, I stared into his eyes. I should run. I should do something besides just _stand_ there. I felt utterly paralyzed.

"But she was only a means to an end. Too bad they found us when they did. She tastes _good_." He leaned toward me, still smiling, and all I could see was the bright red color of his eyes. Horror flooded me to the depths of my soul. James' smile suddenly turned to a sneer, his tone turning bitter. "But the Cullens can have her. _Renee_ I can afford to give up. _You_ on the other hand…you're the real prize. You're the one Edward Cullen can't live without." He inhaled deeply one more time, his eyes growing unfocused. The smell of my blood was making him thirsty. "Mmmm…let's see if it runs in the family."

Understanding slammed through me, knocking my newfound breath right out of me. I barely registered that I was about to die. My mom was _alive_. They had done it! The Cullens must have found James' hiding place. They had found my mom and saved her from James, right in the nick of time.

My mind spun in circles. That must have been the reason for the change in plan, why James had sent me back in the opposite direction he had first told me to go. That was why he had sounded so annoyed on the last phone call. He had had to give my mom up to escape the Cullens and cut me off.

But which Cullens? And _how_? Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie had been chasing Victoria away from my house, last I knew. Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett shouldn't be anywhere close yet, no matter how fast they drove.

And what had exploded in the forest?

But none of it mattered. My sacrifice had paid off.

_Edward._ His name was so loud in my thoughts, it was like my soul had screamed it. What was this going to do to him?

It was my last thought before James grabbed me and hurled me a very short distance through the air, where I slammed into the side of a tree and lost consciousness.

* * *

I could taste blood in my mouth. Breathing hurt. _Everything_ hurt, most especially my ribs. And my head. I could smell the metallic odor of blood, feel that the back of my head was sticky with it.

Dazed, I tried to open my eyes, but everything was blurry. I could tell that I was deeper into the forest than I had been before, far from the main road, but I didn't know how I got there. Wincing against the pain, I tried to sit up, tried to clear my vision so that I could see what was going on.

Suddenly, a cold finger stroked my cheek, my neck.

"Edward?" I whispered, hope rushing through me. My voice was so quiet it was barely there. Even speaking was excruciating, causing me to gasp with pain at that one word.

But the cruel laugh that replied dashed my hopes and broke them into tiny pieces.

"Oh, that's perfect. That'll break Edward's heart right in two."

Realization crashed over me like a wave at the sound of James' voice. Adrenaline shot through me, masking the worst of the pain and clearing my vision. My eyes darted around wildly as I pushed up from my side to sit, still leaning sideways onto my hands, coming face to face with my worst nightmare.

James leered at me. I noticed he was holding something in his hand. A small digital camera, and he was pointing it right at me. "No fair going to sleep. We're just getting started."

Tears flooded my eyes. He was _filming_ me. He was planning to torture Edward with a video of my death. And Edward… Edward would try to hunt him down for this, without question, whether he read my note or not.

Edward was going to get killed because of me.

"Stop it." I pushed out between clenched teeth, barely able to speak through the pain in my ribs. I glared at James with undisguised hatred. "You don't have to do this to him. You have _me_. Just get it over with."

"Shhhh…Bella" James shushed me, mock gentleness in his tone. "We can't end this yet. I haven't even given you your birthday present."

He gestured with the small digital camera in his hand. "I found it hidden in your father's closet. I read the card. 18 is such a milestone." I could only stare in shock. His cruelty knew no limits. "But since you won't be around for your 18th birthday…" James leaned in close, his tone of voice chilling me to the core. "…we can't let this go to waste. We'll use it to make a little video for Edward. I want you to tell Edward how scared you are, Bella. I want you to tell him you know what I'm going to do to you." He leaned closer still, dropping his tone suggestively. "Tell him you know it's going to _hurt_."

I looked directly into the camera, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Edward, please, I don't want you to go after him. Promise me that you won't try to…"

Without warning, James' hand crashed down onto my ankle, stopping me mid-plea, and I both felt and heard the bone snap. I screamed at the top of my lungs, in agony. I couldn't stop screaming. The pain was more than I could bear.

"That's more like it," I could hear James gloating. "Now...beg Edward to save you."

The pain was intense, like white hot stars burning me from the inside out. I was ready to do anything he wanted, no matter the consequences.

Then, without warning, James suddenly released me, going into a crouch and hissing as his eyes darted to the side, looking deep into the forest at something I couldn't see. He growled in pure fury.

I shrunk away in terror as his head snapped back around and his eyes fixed on me, red with rage. My vision was going in and out as I nearly lost consciousness from the pain, but I could see his bared teeth. He had dropped the camera. I knew this was going to be the end.

He lunged at me, too fast for me to register what was happening. Sudden sharp pain shot through my wrist.

And then furious snarls filled the air. With a crash and a blur, something hit James _hard_ , and he flew away from me. The sound of impact was like two mountains crashing into each other mid-air.

James landed about 50 feet away and immediately crouched for an attack. But something was between us, crouched defensively, blocking him from my vision.

When that something slowly turned to look at me, still crouched, I shrank away from the look of savage ferocity I saw there. But at the same time, my heart felt like it _exploded_ in my chest with relief.

_Edward!_ It was Edward, standing between me and James like some kind of avenging angel. It was _impossible_ for him to be there already, but there he was, all the same.

I was suddenly all too aware of the blood flowing from my head, seeping out from the scratches all over my body. But if Edward even noticed my blood - beyond the visual evidence of it, of course - he gave no indication. After raking his near-black eyes over me, assessing my injuries, his head snapped back to face James with a low growl that made me shudder.

"I'm going to kill you," he informed James, raggedly. His voice was pitched so low I barely heard it, but there was an undercurrent of murderous rage running through it. Somehow, the quiet made it all the more frightening. Edward was deadly serious. "You're not going to touch her again. I'm going to kill you. And I'm going to _enjoy_ it."

"Edward, no!" I screamed.

He ignored me completely. He stepped a little closer to James, his head cocked to the side now, studying him intently. He looked dangerous, stalking, like a predator sizing up his prey. I watched in wonder, mesmerized by this side of Edward that he must have never meant for me to see. It was terrifying.

His tone was different, when he spoke again. Taunting. Cocky. It sounded strange coming from his mouth. "You've _lost_ , James. You lost Bella's mother. And you'll never get near Bella again. I've defeated you. I _won_." He reached into his pocket and pulled out something. A lighter, I saw, when he held it up and flicked it to demonstrate the flame, further making his point. He was goading him, I realized...using his thoughts against him to lure him into an attack. "And when I'm done with you, I'm going after Victoria. You're both going to be ash before this day ends."

I'd liked to have protested again. My heart could barely take the idea of Edward taking on James, much less Victoria as well. But I didn't get the chance. Because that was the moment that the rapidly increasing burn in my wrist from James' final attack abruptly felt like it had fully burst into flames. Grabbing my wrist with my other hand, screaming in pain, I tried to see what was burning me.

All I saw was a bite mark.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	10. Aftershocks

Chapter 10

Through my agonized screams, I watched in horror as James growled with fury and rushed at Edward.

But Edward was ready for him. He had known what James was about to do as soon as James did, of course. There was that sound like two mountains crashing into each other…and then again…and then again. Growls and snarls filled the air. My eyes couldn't keep up, other than the occasional brief glimpse of each of them, but always with Edward between me and James. It was difficult, through my pain, to keep focus on even stationary objects, much less the speed of what was happening around me. At some point, a tree was violently toppled. Moments later, it snapped in two, and one half went hurdling through the air, crashing into a different tree.

I couldn't tell who was winning. All I could do was lie there, writhing in pain, knowing that at any moment, James might appear above me. If that happened, my last awareness would be that Edward had died trying to save me.

And then I heard screams. Screams of agony, mingling with my own. But it wasn't Edward screaming.

_It wasn't Edward_.

But the murderous growling was. Somehow, I recognized it.

Then there were strange popping sounds, sickening even without knowing their source, like something was being torn apart by force. A bright flash and a surge of heat. And as suddenly as they had started, the other screams stopped, leaving only mine.

* * *

Not even a second passed before I was looking up into eyes I had been afraid I'd never see again. Edward knelt over me where I lay, his hands gently gripping my shoulders and attempting to hold me still without hurting me further. Every bit of fiery rage, that savage ferocity, was gone from his eyes. Now, they were filled with fear so deep that it was almost painful to look at him.

"Bella, I'm here. Tell me where you're hurt." His eyes roved over me, from the blood smearing my head to the various scrapes and abrasions all over my body. His trembling fingers carefully explored my ribs, some of which were unquestionably cracked from when James had sent me flying into the side of a tree. The angry swelling and color of my ankle, when he saw it, caused him to suck in a sharp breath. All of his attention went there immediately, one cold hand enveloping my foot. The word he said when he gently probed and realized the extent of the break was not one that he would usually say in front of me.

His expression was enraged again as he turned to look over his shoulder for the briefest of moments. "Emmett!" he thundered. "I need Carlisle!"

Emmett? Emmett shouldn't have been here yet either. They should both still be on the road, along with Jasper and Alice. And if Emmett was there, why hadn't I seen him?

But I could only continue screaming, fighting Edward's hands as I flailed. The ankle was nothing. How could he not see the FIRE?

My good hand clawed at him, fisting into his shirt. "No!" I screamed. "Not there!"

"Where, Bella?" He demanded, raising his voice. His control was faltering. He'd been trying to be strong for me, but my pain was getting to him. Panic was setting in. He released my ankle and gripped my shoulders again, this time so hard it actually hurt. His eyes locked onto mine and his voice shook. "I can't read your mind! _Ta_ _lk_ to me. Please."

"My hand!" I managed to scream, and I felt ice cold surround the flames, almost before the word was out of my mouth. He had taken hold of my wrist and was pulling my hand up so he could inspect it. The cold of him did nothing to quench the fire. I was still screaming. "It burns...it _burns_!"

"He bit you." Disgust filled his voice. _"Damn_ him." His eyes closed briefly as he sucked in a calming breath, steely control slipping back into place. But the rage had seeped back in too. It wasn't directed at me, I knew without question. James was lucky he was already dead. In some part of my brain that was focused on anything other than the pain, I marveled that the smell of my blood seemed to be a nonissue for Edward, at the moment.

I had barely been able to focus my vision, but when he leaned close over me, searching my eyes, the intensity of his gaze drew my attention, even as I continued to convulse with agony. He had made some sort of decision, and he seemed to need me to know that. That determination on his face was something I had seen before. I'd seen it right before he'd kidnapped me, and again right before he'd dragged me away kicking and screaming when Charlie tracked us down. I'd seen it a third time, right before he'd forcibly held me down and tied me to a bed so that he could safely leave me to go hunt. The effect of that look remained undiminished, even the fourth time around.

"I can't wait for Carlisle. There's not enough time. I'm going to make it stop, Bella," he whispered. He readjusted his grip on my wrist, pulling my hand up so close that I could feel the cold from his face on my skin, in stark contrast to the heat burning me from the inside out. He pressed a soft kiss to the skin on the inside of my wrist, a kiss that I never even felt through the pain of James' bite. "I'm going to make it stop. _I'll_ stop," he whispered against my skin, like a promise. "I swear to you, I will. I'll stop."

I didn't know what he meant, of course. Not yet. But like something out of a dream, a barely realized nightmare, I began to understand that promise as he fastened his lips over my bite wound and began to drink, his eyes fixed on my face with that same determined stare.

So this was how it would all end. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the darkness.

* * *

"Edward, stop! You're killing her!"

The rapidly approaching voice was like something out of a dream, vaguely familiar. I was cold. _So_ cold. But cold was okay. It meant the fire was going out. The flame wasn't burning as hot.

"Son! Listen to me. You have to stop." The voice was right over me now, harshly pulling me toward reality. There was the sound of a struggle, and something jostled me. It dragged me a little closer to awareness.

Still, the fire in my wrist burned but continued to lessen. It dimmed down to an ember and then, mercifully, thankfully, disappeared.

The incongruous feeling of cold at my wrist, and the painful suction that went along it, disappeared almost immediately after.

But in the fire's absence, my other injuries began to make themselves known again, hauling me ever closer to the surface.

"I'm all right, Carlisle," I heard another voice say then, and I liked this voice better than the first one. It was rougher than normal, struggling for control, but still, I knew this voice. _Edward_. That was worth surfacing for. Slowly forcing my eyes open, I saw both Edward and Carlisle kneeling above me. It felt like I was watching them from somewhere above my body, floating in midair. I wanted to float completely away, to just sleep, but the tense scene before me held me to earth more surely than gravity.

One of Edward's hands clutched Carlisle's shoulder, holding him at arm's length, as though stopping him from approaching us. He trembled slightly, but he looked his father in the eye. "James bit her," his newly rough voice grated. "I had to suck the venom out."

Carlisle looked down at me and then back to Edward in wonder. "You were able to do that?"

Edward nodded once, releasing Carlisle, who was no longer trying to take me away from him. That threat past, Edward turned to look back at me. His cool hands smoothed the hair out of my face as he saw that I had begun to awaken. He was shaking more now. "Yes. Her blood is clean now."

Carlisle shook his head slightly, his expression one of deep admiration. "No, I meant…Edward, you were able to stop." He sounded completely awed.

But Edward looked angry, although his eyes were on me, rather than his father. "I know what you meant," he cut him off, and of course, there was no doubt that he did. Something in the other vampire's thoughts was upsetting him. "There's nothing to be _proud_ of, Carlisle. She was only in danger to start with because of me."

Carlisle opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then changed his mind again. "Son...there's always going to be danger for Bella, as long as she's human. You could have just let the change happen, and then..." But he was cut off by an angry hiss from Edward.

"Not by _him_ ," he spat. His teeth bared at the very thought of James' venom inside me, but then he was distracted by something he read in Carlisle's mind and turned his full wrath back to him. His eyes narrowed. "Not by anybody. I've told you. I'm not taking away her soul, Carlisle."

Carlisle looked like he intended to protest, but whatever he would have said was lost as a jolt of pain slammed through me when I tried to move, and I began to hyperventilate. Full consciousness had hit with a vengeance.

"She's awake." Edward moved immediately, reaching across to grab Carlisle's medical bag, dropped forgotten by Carlisle's side when he had knelt down beside us. He must have brought it with him when he came to find us. "Do you have morphine in here?"

He answered his own question by finding the morphine for himself and expertly drawing it up into a syringe. Before I knew it, a brief pinch and burn was added to the list of my pains as he injected me with it.

"Edward..." I gasped, desperate to ask about my mother, about Charlie, Victoria. But speaking was a horrible mistake that only exacerbated the agony in my ribs. Panicking, I tried urgently to raise up, fighting the pain.

Edward's hands shot to my shoulders, gently straightening me back out until I was flat on the ground and then holding me still.

His eyes searched mine intently. He was as eager for the morphine to start working as I was. "Shhhhh, stay still, Bella. At least two of your ribs are fractured. Don't try to move or talk. I've got you."

Carlisle had observed the injection quietly, like he knew better than to touch me himself right then. "Well done," he remarked, with that same admiring tone. "I sometimes forget you've been to medical school too. The morphine should take effect soon."

Edward was no longer responding to any form of compliment. His hands left my shoulders and sought out one of mine, holding it sandwiched between his own in a near-painful grip. He wasn't nearly as in control as he sounded, even if he was desperately trying to be for my benefit. Fighting James hadn't scared him for a moment. I had him terrified. "She's lost a lot of blood. Head wound, broken ankle, cracked ribs, I'm not sure what else. Her heart doesn't sound right to me. I need to get her out of here, Carlisle. We have to get her to the hospital. Now."

A frown lined Carlisle's ever-youthful face as he listened, presumably to my heart. "Yes, I hear it too. But she's stable and alert, for the moment. Rosalie is retrieving my car from Bella's house so that we can transport her less painfully. We can't call an ambulance. Every first responder in three counties is at the site of the crash. And you can hardly run into the emergency room with her and claim that you found her and carried her miles through the woods. If you'll allow me, I can immobilize her ankle while we wait for Rosalie, before you attempt moving her." Carlisle was very careful to phrase his suggestion as just that...a suggestion only.

Edward exhaled slowly, still struggling to keep himself under control. He seemed impatient with keeping me there any longer, and the warning in his eyes said that he hated the idea of letting even Carlisle touch me right then, but his father's reasoning made sense. Tersely, Edward nodded his agreement.

For the moment, I had begun to calm, the pain slowly starting to recede. Things weren't hurting as badly, I found, even when Edward gently lifted me beneath my shoulders and slid in to sit behind me so that I could lean back against his chest, with me between his legs, bracing me against him for what Carlisle needed to do. His hands rested lightly on my shoulders.

I could breathe more easily propped up against him. But breathing was becoming more and more difficult in general, I realized. I should probably tell someone, but I'd learned my lesson about trying to speak. It wasn't worth the effort. Shallow breaths...that was the key.

"Where are the others?" Edward asked Carlisle in a clipped tone, as Carlisle settled near my feet, opening his bag and gathering supplies. If Edward had to ask, Carlisle must not have been thinking of them. But I wanted to hear the answer to that question myself, although possibly for different reasons than Edward. He sounded defensive, as though his family still presented a threat of some kind.

Please, _please_ say something about my mother, I begged silently in my mind. Please say she was safe.

Carlisle's words were directed to Edward, but he looked right at me before explaining, meeting my eyes briefly. I sensed that he only spoke as slowly as he did so that I could hear. Apparently, he was sticking to his promise that I was to be included in everything. Gratitude washed over me. His voice was soothing, calming. I wasn't sure if that was for my benefit or for Edward's, especially when I felt his cold hand gently make contact with my ankle to do his own examination.

"Alice and Jasper are still en route back to Forks. They will arrive soon to begin damage control. I was at the hospital with Bella's mother when Emmett called, and I ran straight here. Esme stayed there with Renee."

The harsh exhalation of relief that shot out of me hurt so bad it felt like a few more ribs were breaking. I didn't care. My mom was alive. Carlisle had seen her, had been the one to help her. I whimpered, feeling the tears rise up.

Edward couldn't wrap his arms around me because of my ribs, so he grabbed both my hands in his instead. He rested our linked hands on his thighs as he caressed the backs of my hands soothingly. But his attention was fixed intently on Carlisle as Carlisle continued explaining.

"Emmett is still close by, keeping watch for Victoria, as I'm sure you can hear, Edward. He wants to help, but he's keeping his distance from Bella because of the blood." That part of the explanation was for my benefit alone, I was sure.

Carlisle injected something into my leg and then began working on a makeshift splint, still talking quietly. Edward tightened his grip, holding me still and acting as an anchor for me when I whimpered and automatically tried to back away. I tried to focus on Carlisle's soothing voice, rather than on the horror of his words and the bone-deep pain I could still feel to some degree, despite the anesthetic, as he manipulated my foot.

"And when Bella disappeared?" Edward asked, his tone carefully controlled. "Where was everyone then?" But I could literally feel the tension thrumming through him, braced against him like I was. He didn't want to just hear the story of how I'd ended up alone with James. He wanted to _see_ it through Carlisle's eyes.

Carlisle sighed, as though he'd hoped to avoid that part, keeping his eyes on what he was doing. "Esme, Rosalie, and I chased Victoria from Bella's home. We knew from Alice that James didn't intend to leave Bella's mother and approach the house, that his plan was to have Victoria lure Bella to him somehow, so Victoria was our focus. But when the chase took us too far away, I immediately sent Rosalie back to guard Bella, just in case. It was too late, I'm afraid. I'm sorry, son. We had no way of knowing that Victoria had already provided a method for James to contact her, nor that Bella would simply choose to go to him as she did. By the time Alice saw that, we were pursuing Victoria and she couldn't reach us."

I had been watching Carlisle, so I didn't realize just how hard Edward was glaring at him, until he drew my attention with an angry scoff. "No, _you_ couldn't have known," he said, pointedly. "But if she'd still been with me, _I_ would have. I'd have seen what they planned the moment they got near us, and she'd never have left my sight again. I wouldn't have let her."

Carlisle ignored that and ripped off another piece of tape with his teeth. My skin felt numb, but I could still feel the pressure every time he touched me. I was unknowingly still trying to push away from him, but Edward was like a brick wall behind me, his hands still caressing mine, trying to soothe at the same time that he held me in place.

"Victoria knew Esme and I were right behind her," Carlisle continued, "and that we intended to kill her to protect you and Bella. So she led us straight to where James was holding Bella's mother. They were in an old hunting shack of Charlie's, deep in the woods several miles from the Quileute border, where I assume James had originally planned to lure Bella and then kill them both."

I wasn't sure if it was me that flinched that time, or if it was Edward. Maybe both. His hands reflexively pulled mine back a little toward him, trying to tug me a little closer. He slid his fingers through mine, lacing our hands together tightly. I held on gratefully, closing my eyes and trying to block out the throb in my foot. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear any more, but Carlisle kept going anyway.

"James and Victoria escaped while Esme and I assisted Renee. He bit her, just as I arrived, knowing we would have no choice but to let him go if we wished to save her. I had to suck out the venom, just as you did for Bella. We were fortunate that Renee was unconscious before we ever arrived and never saw us. The venom never had time to spread. As soon as it was out, Esme made an anonymous 911 call to get Renee an ambulance. We were at the hospital waiting when she got there, and I took care of Renee. Emmett called me soon after and told me where you were. Then I ran straight here. You know the rest."

Edward shook his head in disgust as he both heard and watched the story through Carlisle's thoughts. His tone, when he responded, was quietly furious, so much so that I craned my neck to look up and see his face. He couldn't even look at Carlisle anymore. He was staring over my head out into the forest.

"How could you let this happen? You took her away from me, and then you let her escape and walk right into his hands, the very thing I was trying to prevent."

"Son..."

"No." At least Edward was looking at Carlisle again, but the look of betrayal he turned on him stole what little breath I was getting, even having to twist to see it from my position leaning back on his chest. Edward was angry, yes, but that wasn't the worst of it. He felt _betrayed_ by the only father he'd had for the better part of a century. "I knew what I was doing, or I would never have taken her away, especially against her wishes. None of you could read his mind, but you know I can. Even if he eluded all of you and found her, I could protect her best. But instead of pursuing _him_ as I trusted you to do, you hunted _me_ down, took her away from me, and then let James escape to go after her again."

Carlisle sighed again, a little more wearily this time, still not looking up from my ankle. "Yes. I knew how you would feel about the choice I made today, that I stayed to assist Renee rather than pursuing James. But I made a promise to Bella that I would follow her wishes on this, too. And her wishes, as I believe her actions today have made abundantly clear, were for her mother's wellbeing over her own. I honored that choice."

Edward growled, low in his throat. At _Carlisle_. "She was alone with him, Carlisle. _Alone,"_ he pushed out between clenched teeth. "Do you not understand what would have happened if I hadn't found her when I did?"

When Carlisle didn't answer, Edward's control grew dangerously thin, and he must have known it. His nostrils flared. He released my hands before he could crush them and clenched his fists tightly, pressing them into the ground at our sides. His body was as tense as if he might strike any moment, but his voice was quiet, dangerous. "I know that you already know what she is to me, so understand this: this will not happen again. I consider you my father, but Bella belongs to me. She's mine to protect. I'll not allow her to be taken from me again."

There was no question that he meant that. Every word of that. It should probably give me pause, but despite my condition, a thrill shot through my chest at Edward's possessive words. He had been careful not to say it outright, but I already knew from my conversation with Carlisle what Edward meant. His mate. _His._

Carlisle was intent on repairing their damaged relationship right then and there. He looked up from my ankle and met Edward's eyes without flinching. He reached over me with a conciliatory hand, slowly, very carefully, and placed it on Edward's shoulder.

"Forgive me. With the possibilities Alice had seen when you took her away, combined with your level of thirst, I couldn't be sure that you wouldn't do something you'd live to regret. I wanted to protect you from that, as my son. But I underestimated the extent of your feelings for Bella, the depth of your control. You _stopped_ , Edward, of your own volition, the moment the venom was gone. I'm not sure you realize how remarkable that is. I'll help you both in any way I can, but you have my word that I'll not interfere with your decisions regarding Bella again."

At Carlisle's words, his promise not to interfere, the fight started to drain out of Edward's frame, bit by bit. But that look of betrayal didn't completely disappear. "When you let James go, you had to know he would go straight to Bella, and you let him do it anyway. How can I ever forgive that?"

Incongruously, Carlisle's lip quirked, a tiny wry smile appearing. Not quite amusement. Definitely some mild exasperation. He began repacking his bag, apparently finished with my foot. "Oh, yes...about that."

Understanding flooded Edward's face immediately, washing away the last of that horribly betrayed expression, so I knew he had already found the answer the moment Carlisle thought of it. Carlisle put it into words anyway, the long version, for my sake.

"Before Victoria ever arrived at the house, Alice warned us what you were planning and that Emmett would give you no choice but to bring him along for the ride." His eyes flicked toward me and he chose his next words carefully. "When I made the decision to stay with Renee, I already knew that you and Emmett were...very rapidly on your way here, shall we say."

My breath sped up and I whimpered in protest, since I'd already learned the hard way that trying to talk was completely out of the question. Apparently, there was one thing even Carlisle didn't want to tell me, so I needed to know it...immediately. Carlisle glanced down at me and relented. He looked over my head and fixed Edward with a _look_.

"A government jet going missing from an isolated military installation and then crashing in the woods outside Forks, with no bodies to be found, is hardly low profile. It's going to draw some attention. Between that and what happened to Renee at the same time, not to mention Bella's disappearance and reappearance, Edward, and I'm at somewhat of a loss for explanations."

But I wasn't listening anymore. I was aware of my heart stuttering and then speeding up to an alarming rate. So were the two vampires, who both turned their attention to me with concern. I barely noticed.

_Edward stole a JET? Edward CRASHED a jet? That fireball in the woods had been EDWARD?_

Edward was looking at me with a very worried expression. "Carlisle, her heart..." He looked up, suddenly, in the direction of the main road, though it was too far for me to see through the trees. "Rosalie's here. I'm getting her out of here now."

He was already adjusting our positions to slide his arms beneath me, as gently as he'd ever touched me, before carefully lifting me and cradling me against his chest. It still felt a lot like being run over by a truck, in my condition, but at least the pain felt like it was coming from far away. I groaned, my head lolling sideways against Edward's chest. He was nice and cool. He had stolen and crashed a _jet_ for me. I really, really wanted to just go to sleep now.

The world disappeared in a different way, as opposed to sleep, when Edward took off running without any warning. I was never going to get used to that. He must have been taking great care not to so much as jostle me. I didn't feel a thing.

In fact, I realized, my entire body felt like it was going numb. Breathing was becoming even more difficult.

Something was wrong.

When I blinked again, Edward was sliding gently into the back of Carlisle's car, still holding me in his arms. He put his back up against the passenger side door, with me between his legs, my back resting on his chest. Our legs stretched out together across the seat, one of his legs supporting my now splinted ankle. His arms slid through beneath mine at the shoulders, bracing me as much as possible while avoiding my damaged ribs. I slumped against him gratefully, dropping my head back against his shoulder.

The dizziness from running with Edward wasn't subsiding this time. My vision was blurring around the edges. I could barely breathe.

Carlisle slid into the driver's seat as Rosalie exited the car and disappeared, presumably to join Emmett in the woods. As he began to drive, Carlisle resumed his conversation with Edward as though they hadn't just been racing through the woods at alarming speeds. "Her injuries will be difficult to explain, especially considering the similar nature of Renee's. You should be prepared for any eventuality. Staying in Forks may become impossible."

"No." The sharpness of it made me startle. "We'll figure out something here. I'm not leaving her, and I'm not asking her to leave her family for me. Not ever again." I could feel the rumble of Edward's voice through my whole body, pressed up against him like I was.

So I also felt his sharp, sudden gasp a few moments later, felt his body react as he jerked completely upright from his slightly reclined position against the door, taking me with him.

"Bella?" His voice sounded worried in the extreme, more worried than I had heard him yet. I wanted to answer, to reassure him. But my vision was swimming, blackness taking over my field of vision. My body wouldn't obey, and I'd have slumped forward if he hadn't caught me. He shook me slightly, which _hurt_ , but I still lost my battle with the darkness that was dragging me under.

"Bella!" Edward's panicked shout jolted me back, painfully, and for just a moment, the world swam back into focus. It didn't last long. Seconds later, I was blacking out again when Edward's terror-stricken voice threatened to split my eardrums.

" _Carlisle!_ "

The car engine roared, and we accelerated rapidly. Carlisle's voice sounded like it came from a deep tunnel, getting farther away all the time.

"I hear it too. She must have internal damage. I'll need to take her into surgery."

There was the harsh, jarring noise of a cell phone ringing, then the low hum of Carlisle's voice. Carlisle sounded even farther away, barely audible to me, when he spoke again. I was fading quickly.

"That was Alice. You'll need to act quickly, Edward. Her heart is about to stop."

Like I was a million miles away, watching from outside my body, I saw myself suddenly being slid down until I was flat on my back on the seat. I felt nothing. I was aware of the solid presence, but not the weight, as Edward straddled my waist.

And then, mercifully, before the first excruciating thrust of chest compressions over cracked ribs could start, I knew nothing more.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	11. Disorientation

Chapter 11

The next face I saw, when I finally came to, was Charlie's. He looked like he'd aged years since I last saw him. He was in his police uniform, sans the jacket, but the shirt looked a little worse for the wear, wrinkled, like he'd been wearing it for days. His face had gone unshaven for about the same period of time. My hand was held in a tight grasp, but not a cold one. It was warm. Too warm.

Slowly, I moved my eyes to look around me, shaking my head slightly as the room spun. The sickening wash of disorientation flooded me.

I was in a hospital room, I slowly realized. Machines around me beeped and whirred. I was attached to most of them. There was a cast on my ankle, an IV in my arm, a thick bandage wrapped around my wrist, something else tightly wrapped around my torso. But none of that mattered. That wasn't what I was looking for. It wasn't _who_ I was looking for.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" Charlie's voice was gravelly with worry, relief, and I tried hard to focus on him. "I'm here, Bells. You're going to be fine now."

It wasn't me he was trying to convince.

"Dad?" I managed to croak, and that _hurt_. My throat was killing me.

But Charlie's face split with a radiant smile, one I'd never seen before. "Yeah, it's me, kiddo. Just keep your eyes open, okay? You're going to be fine."

He looked over my head at someone, pleadingly, like he was looking for confirmation of that fact.

And then Carlisle stepped into my view from a computer station on my other side, with his white lab coat and stethoscope. He was smiling reassuringly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yes, she is. I told you not to worry, Charlie. Look here for me, Bella," and there were bright lights in my eyes, the squeeze of a blood pressure cuff, his cold fingers on my wrist checking my pulse, but that all had to be for show because Carlisle could hear my heartbeat from across the room, just like...

_Edward..._ My eyes continued to dart around wildly.

Two police officers, looking considerably more polished than Charlie, stood just inside the door, on guard. There was a nurse assisting Carlisle.

No one else.

The beeping of the machines announced that my heart rate was fluctuating wildly, and Charlie glared at the screens like it was their fault, gripping my hand a little tighter. "Doc?" he asked, nervously, eyeing the numbers.

None of it felt _real_ , not even Carlisle. Least of all Carlisle, actually, even when he spoke. He looked into my eyes meaningfully, like he was trying to tell me something.

"Relax, Bella. You had surgery and you've been in a medically induced coma for a few days. We just brought you around a few minutes ago. Don't overdo it. Your throat is bound to be sore. I'm going to increase your pain meds, and that should help you relax. _Everything_ is going to be just fine."

I opened my mouth, intent on asking where Edward was, and Carlisle held my gaze intently. He gave the slightest shake of his head, his eyes just barely flicking toward Charlie, but it was enough for me to get the picture. I shouldn't ask about Edward.

"What happened?" I rasped instead, fear clawing up from my insides. If Edward had made one thing very clear in the past week, it was that he intended to be at my side so long as he could still draw breath, and to hell with the consequences. I no longer doubted that. So his absence was terrifying.

But it was Charlie who answered me, and not the answers I wanted. "Your heart stopped, Bells." His voice was ragged. "Three separate times. You were bleeding internally. If not for Dr. Cullen..." He couldn't finish that sentence.

Carlisle's professional smile was firmly back in place, the one that was undoubtedly there for Charlie's sake. "I'm afraid I can't take all the credit. My son, Edward, was the one who found her out there and performed CPR until we could get her here," he said, directing that over his shoulder toward the nurse, exactly like a proud father might.

Charlie actually rolled his eyes, like he'd heard that story before, several times.

But Carlisle ignored him, his eyes still burning into me. "I'm sure he would prefer to discuss that with you himself, Bella, when he's allowed to visit." That time, Carlisle was _definitely_ trying to tell me something.

The relief that flooded me was profound - Edward was safe! - but Charlie was still scowling at the mention of his name. "I told you already, Doc, no visitors. Nobody in or out until I catch this guy. This hospital is on lockdown. Hell, this whole damn _town_ is on lockdown. For that matter..."

"You're the chief," Carlisle agreed, cutting him off with a good-natured clap on the back before Charlie could get around to shutting down the entirety of the Pacific Northwest. Carlisle's smile never faltered, but his jaw ticked, and I looked back and forth between him and my father. Dad was oblivious to it, but it was clear to me that Carlisle's patience, plentiful though it may be, had already been pushed to its limits a long time before I woke up.

"Catch what guy?" I asked nervously. An edge of panic started to set in, almost like an old friend by this point. "What are you talking about?"

With that opening, Charlie surged to his feet with renewed purpose and leaned over me. "We'll talk about that in a minute, but first tell me the truth, Bella. Did Edward have something to do with this? Did he hurt you at all, in any way?"

My mouth opened and closed wordlessly, my eyes blinking furiously. I could barely breathe. "What? No! I can't - Dad, no! Why would you even ask me that?"

"Charlie..." Carlisle made it sound like a warning. His eyes were on my heart monitor, and he wasn't smiling anymore. At all.

My father was undeterred, even if he did look a little disappointed that I had denied Edward's involvement. I wasn't sure what to even do with that. But he was already pulling a folded-up piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and unfolding it. If Carlisle's eyes had been burning before, Charlie's were absolutely blazing as he showed the paper to me.

"Then is this him, Bella? Is this the guy who took you?"

And my heart nearly stopped again, because I was looking at a police sketch of James, right down to the last detail. Red eyes and all.

My eyes flew to Carlisle's face, and he gave me a tight nod, an indication that my answer to that question should be yes. Obviously, there was an entire cover story in place that I knew nothing about, and I had a role to play. Was that why Edward wasn't here? Was his role to stay away, to play the obedient 17-year-old boy while Charlie ran a manhunt for James and isolated me from any visitors?

As hard as I tried, I couldn't imagine Edward going along with it, not after seeing how far he'd been willing to go to keep me with him when James was after me. It wasn't like Charlie and a couple officers with guns could really stop him, when an entire coven of vampires had failed.

But even if it was all just part of the cover, why go to all that trouble in the first place? Why were we still here? The only reason a cover-up would even be needed was to stay in Forks. I already knew that the Cullens could just disappear, start over fresh in a new place. I would willingly follow Edward, without question. The Cullens had no ties here, no family. The only one who truly had family to lose, the only one it would really hurt if Edward and I had to leave Forks to be together, was me.

And Edward, of course, knew that.

Oh.

Like my heart hadn't been through enough, now there was a vise squeezing it. Somehow, the fact that he was willing to stay away for my sake was an even more powerful statement than the lengths he had been willing to go to keep me with him. It had to be killing him.

Tears filled my eyes as I turned my attention back to the police sketch and stared at James' image in horror. It wasn't fair. I was never supposed to see that face again. Edward had done his level best to make sure of it.

Thankfully, I was spared having to answer. My tearful reaction was enough for Charlie...a positive ID. He clenched his jaw so hard I feared his teeth would crack.

He turned around and leveled a finger at one of the two officers by the door. "It's the same guy. Call it in. I want patrols doubled and roadblocks in place. Continue a round-the-clock watch on this room and my wife's room. I want eyes on them at all times. Nobody in or out except medical staff until we find this son of a bitch."

His wife? The room was spinning again. Charlie got married? Exactly how long had I been in that coma?

Then it hit me like a blinding flash. Renee. _Mom_. She was here too, in the hospital, from James' attack on her. In his state of mind, Charlie had slipped up and referred to her as his wife. After all those years...

I felt an ache I hadn't felt since I was 4 years old, back when I'd desperately wished for my parents to get back together. I understood it so much better now, thanks to Edward, that idea that you could love one person for all eternity, unconditionally. But to be like Charlie and have to love them from afar...to never be enough for them...I couldn't think of anything worse. My heart broke for him, even if he did refuse to leave me alone for the rest of the day, keeping me from getting any answers from Carlisle.

But whether I could speak freely with him or not, Carlisle was still taking care of me. After the James incident, he gently lit into Charlie and issued strict orders that I was not to be questioned any further until my heartrate stabilized. The police officer in Charlie wanted to get my statement immediately, but the dad in him won out. He just sat with me until I finally fell asleep for the night. My heart was still aching, but for a different reason now.

All I could think about was Edward, about the tense way we had left things before he went to hunt, with him convinced I was terrified of him. I desperately wanted to see him.

* * *

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I again saw Carlisle. He was there, either really checking the dressings on my various wounds or just using that as an excuse to check up on me, but it didn't matter. He was there, and he was my closest link to Edward.

I was feeling a little stronger this time, able to orient myself a little more easily, enough so that I immediately noticed Charlie was no longer there.

I raised my head up, my eyes widening with the realization that this was my chance to speak freely. "Carlisle! What happened? Where's..."

But his hand lightly squeezed my shoulder as he cut me off, spoke over me. "Your father? I'm sure he'll be here soon. He's next door, visiting your mother."

I stared at him, uncomprehending of how he could possibly think I was that desperate to find _Charlie_ , until I watched his eyes flick toward the door and back to mine. Following his gaze, I saw that there were still two of Charlie's officers, although different ones this time, posted just inside the door of my room.

"Oh." I wanted to cry. I must have looked so pitiful that even Carlisle couldn't take it. His lip twitched as he picked up my chart and began to write in it. "Was there something you wanted to tell him? I'd be more than happy to pass along a message. He's very close by, as I said." He reached up and touched his earlobe once as he wrote, the slightest gesture, normal for a human, but vampires don't fidget. He met my eyes when he did it. My heart stuttered again.

I hoped desperately, with every fiber of my being, that we were actually having the conversation I thought we were having: that it was Edward who was very close by, that he'd hear every word I said. I licked my dry lips, wishing I could talk as fast as vampires. I had about a million things I needed to say to Edward, and the guards didn't need to hear any of them. _Especially_ not if they thought I was actually talking to my father.

I'd had time to think the night before, while Charlie sat quietly by my side. I'd had time to process everything that had happened since the night Edward took off with me, to come to terms with the fact that right or wrong, over the line or not, the one thing Edward had ever wanted was to keep me safe. He'd wanted it badly enough to do anything, even if it cost him my love.

Mostly, I had thought about our last moments together before his family caught up with us, before everything went horribly, horribly wrong. He had been convinced I was afraid of him then, that I would never be able to forgive him. I had angrily refused to even look at him. He had sworn to protect me anyway, even if he had to die to do it.

"Tell him...tell him I'm okay. Tell him we need to talk, but _we're_ going to be okay, that I love him _so_ much. And tell him that I...I really miss him."

Carlisle's eyes smiled down at me, but there was a strong emotion swirling in their depths. "That's exactly what he needs to hear. I'll pass your message along, Bella, and I have no doubt he'll be here the moment he's able. He feels the same way, I'm sure."

* * *

My dad could only be held off so long. Later that day, he wanted my statement. I froze like a deer caught in the headlights.

Carlisle appeared near instantly in my room, of course.

Dad still felt a little remorseful for nearly making my heart explode when I first came out of the coma, first by accusing Edward and then by confronting me with the police sketch of James. So if Dr. Cullen insisted that he needed to be present for my statement to keep an eye on my heart, Charlie Swan wasn't about to object.

I grabbed hold of that opportunity with both hands and refused to let go. Before Charlie could even open his mouth to get started, I turned pleading eyes on Carlisle. "How did I get here?" I asked, hoping that was a perfectly reasonable question to ask one's doctor. "Earlier, I heard you say that Edward found me."

The less Charlie thought I remembered, the better, but I was also all too eager to hear the carefully fabricated story the Cullens had concocted to explain what happened to me. And I needed to hear it before Charlie asked me a single question, or I might accidentally blow the whole thing.

Even I couldn't tell if Carlisle's frown was real or just for Charlie's benefit. "Don't you remember, Bella?"

I hedged, still not sure exactly what my role was. "I'm...not sure. I mean, everything is fuzzy."

Carlisle looked up at Charlie's newly worried face, with sincerity oozing out of every pore. Apparently, Carlisle had caught onto the game and knew how to dazzle too. His eyes drew Charlie right in. "Some memory loss is to be expected with this type of trauma, especially considering her head injury. If you'll allow me to answer her question, working backwards sometimes helps. Perhaps it would help her to remember the events that came before."

Charlie wasn't fond of the idea. His officers had already taken Carlisle's and Edward's statements long before I woke up, so he'd heard it all before. His years of police work were screaming at him that allowing my statement to be contaminated was against protocol, but then so was taking his own daughter's statement, something he was stubbornly determined to do anyway. So in the end, he went along with it. I think he just wanted to watch my reactions to what Carlisle had to say. Some part of him still held onto suspicions that Edward had something to do with it all.

* * *

Edward and Emmett were the ones who had found me in the woods, Carlisle said. Edward had been depressed over our recent breakup and my leaving town, so his brother had talked him into some hiking to cheer him up. They'd driven out to a trail they liked off the 101, and they'd been out in the woods when there was a plane crash a few miles away. That was when they decided to hike closer, sneak up, and try to catch a glimpse, like two teenage boys would probably do. Carlisle even managed to sound annoyed with that foolish behavior when he told the story.

On their way, the story went, they had heard someone crying and followed the sound to within 100 feet of the road, only to find me bleeding and broken in the woods. I had been hysterical, incoherent, but apparently said something about jumping out of a car to escape, which explained my shattered ankle. They called 911 from their cells but couldn't get through, probably because the whole town was calling about the plane crash. So in a panic, they had called their dad, who was at the hospital just finishing up with Renee, and he had driven out immediately to find his boys.

Carlisle hadn't been able to get hold of an ambulance either, thanks to the crash response, so after doing what he could to stabilize my ankle, the three of them had carried me to his car to bring me to the hospital themselves. My heart had stopped on the way, and Edward had performed CPR the rest of the way there, at his dad's instructions. Carlisle would have done it himself, but getting me to the hospital immediately was crucial, and he hadn't wanted either of his very upset sons behind the wheel.

He told it with such sincerity that I almost believed it myself. But Edward keeping my heart beating, I knew, was the only shred of truth in that entire story.

* * *

My emotions were all over the place. For one thing, Carlisle had just said Edward's name more in 30 seconds than I'd heard it since I came out of the coma, and the longing for him was so intense that my chest ached.

So when Charlie gently took my hand and asked me to start from the beginning, with far more tenderness than I deserved when I knew I intended to lie straight to his face, my face crumpled and the tears came.

It didn't take long, after that, for Charlie to transition back from police chief to dad. If I couldn't remember anything, he wasn't going to torture me. He relented and just told me what his investigation had found, and said I could just confirm or deny.

He didn't have much to go on. The last thing my dad had known for sure was that I had broken up with Edward and angrily left town, breaking Charlie's heart on my way out the door for good measure. I knew that part too but still winced thinking about it. I squeezed his hand in apology and knew I was forgiven.

Beyond that, all Charlie had was bits and pieces. My truck had been found at a bus station. Did I know how it got there? In fact, I did, because Carlisle had already told me. I just couldn't tell Charlie. I pleaded ignorance. I couldn't explain how his credit card ended up being used in a store hours away from Forks a couple days later, either, by someone matching my description. Maybe I dropped it when James took me, and someone else found it?

I couldn't look Charlie in the eye the whole time. He really should have noticed that. Maybe he did.

Wherever I disappeared from, Charlie assumed my abductor had taken me somewhere and kept me stashed for days. Nobody had found a crime scene yet, but it certainly explained the ligature bruises around my wrists when I got to the hospital. They were clear evidence that I had been tied up somewhere, and my swollen and bruised left wrist from fighting against my bonds was further evidence of it. There were cuts all over my palms like I had broken a window at some point. It was anyone's guess how my ribs had been broken.

The waterworks started again when Charlie's voice broke and he said he had always known his little girl was a fighter.

In all honesty, for all that he said he wanted every detail, Charlie didn't want to examine those days too closely. I claimed not to remember any of it - which I didn't, since it never happened, other than me being tied up, although certainly not by James - and Carlisle again assured Charlie that it was normal for me to block some things out; they would come back to me in time.

The day the Cullen boys supposedly found me, according to Charlie, the police found an abandoned blue car in the middle of the road a few miles away. Charlie called in some favors and got the state crime lab to expedite processing on everything. My DNA was all over the _back_ seat, interestingly enough, and also all over the ropes found there. They were a perfect match to fibers found in my wrists. But apparently, no DNA at all was found in the driver's seat, which I knew was the only place I had ever actually been. It had been wiped clean.

I saw that for what it was... Alice and Jasper's "damage control" work. Their thoroughness didn't surprise me, nor did the fact that Alice had the foresight to bring back the ropes Edward had used to tie me so that they could be worked into the story. But for some reason, the thought still made me shudder.

The car belonged to a missing tourist from Texas, who must have been another of James' victims, my dad assumed, although no body had been found. At least the Forks Police got one thing right.

From that point, Charlie had actually put together a pretty convincing narrative for what that car was doing there and why I was in the woods nearby.

James had most likely been moving me from wherever he had been holding me, Charlie told me grimly, planning to kill me in the woods and dump my body there. He shuddered too, and then he gripped my hand a little harder.

By sheer miracle, there had been a mysterious military plane crash nearby. If Charlie didn't believe in divine intervention before, he did now, especially considering no bodies were ever found. The military had taken over that investigation, eventually. But at the time, that plane crash had been followed by every single police, fire, and medical unit in Forks and nearby areas responding to the scene, taking them right past the area where the blue car had been found.

With all the police presence, Charlie assumed, James had either panicked and shoved me out of the car or I had jumped out. Either way, James must have fled the scene to avoid being caught, later abandoning the car. And either way, flying out of the car was probably when my ankle shattered, a theory that Edward's and Emmett's statements about what I told them, along with Dr. Cullen's medical opinion, fully corroborated.

In an attempt to hide from James in case he came back, Charlie further speculated, I had dragged myself farther from the road and into the woods to hide. No one knew how long I was out there, but that was where the Cullens had found me.

Because he had my driver's license, James went to my house, maybe thinking I would come back there. He found my mother instead, and took advantage of the opportunity. I knew that part was true enough, other than the driver's license.

I nodded my head at the appropriate times and confirmed some details - I did have a vague memory of jumping from James' car, I said, rather than being pushed - but mostly, I claimed ignorance.

Charlie narrowed his eyes but let me get away with it. James may have injured me, but he hadn't _hurt_ me or Renee either one. It wasn't perfect, but it was still way better than the horrors that had plagued his imagination when I was missing. At this point, he wanted to believe the lie. It wasn't his finest moment as an investigator, but Charlie was quitting while he was ahead.

* * *

The next day, when the nurses followed Dr. Cullen's orders and got me upright for a while, if only in a wheelchair, I finally got to go next door and see my mom. Everything still hurt, most especially my ribs. I was still connected to heart monitors and an IV that had to be wheeled in right along with me. But my mom was sitting upright too, when I got there, so I clung to her desperately and cried my eyes out. Charlie was there. I'm pretty sure he cried too, but he mostly did a good job of hiding it.

Renee, at least, could speak freely about what happened to her. She was the one who had described James for the police sketch, which explained why it was so accurate. For all her eccentricities, when it came to observation, Renee was unmatched when she really wanted to be. And staring into James' cruel face, knowing her daughter was also missing and that the two were likely related, she had really, really wanted to be.

She had found the red contact lenses especially disturbing.

One other detail she included, and it was obviously the most important one to her, was that Charlie had held her hand the entire time she worked with the sketch artist. My eyes welled up again, and so did Charlie's.

James had taken her from my house, she said, when she came inside to look for Charlie after arriving in Forks. She didn't remember a whole lot about that; she had lost consciousness at some point. She thought maybe he had hit her over the head.

She did vividly remember being in Charlie's hunting shack with James. That was when she had memorized every detail of his face. She remembered that he seemed to be waiting for something. He had sat perfectly motionless for hours, his eyes closed, like he was meditating. She had thought that maybe he was reconsidering killing her. It made my blood run cold, because I knew exactly what he had been waiting for. He'd been waiting for me and Carlisle to get back to Forks. He just hadn't wanted to risk killing her by accident before he could use her to get to me.

She remembered him stepping outside at some point with a phone, then suddenly returning and attacking her. He'd struck her repeatedly, squeezed until he crushed her arm, much like he had done to my ankle. She was unaware that I had been on the phone with James to hear that, and I wasn't about to tell her.

I couldn't tell her he was dead, either, no matter how intensely I wanted to.

In truth, Charlie may have been the one who needed to hear that worse. He was never going to catch "that bastard serial killer," as he had taken to referring to James, ignoring the fact that we were still very much alive. I didn't correct his terminology. He was closer to the truth than he knew. I hoped he'd be able to find a way to live with his inevitable failure, but I wasn't so sure. I had seen the way his fists clenched and reclenched when Renee talked about James hurting her.

Charlie desperately needed a target, preferably one he could _hurt._

He seemed to have chosen Edward, in the absence of anyone more appropriate.

How would he react if he knew Edward had already taken vengeance for him? He hadn't seemed impressed with the fact that it was Edward's hands that had literally kept my heart beating in the back of Carlisle's car, doing CPR on me all the way to the hospital. What if he knew that Edward had also quite literally hunted my attacker down, ripped his head off, tore off his limbs, burned the pieces, and that I was pretty sure he wished he could kill him again, only slower? Would Charlie feel a little more charitable toward him then?

Yeah, maybe not.

Renee never mentioned being bitten, definitely never mentioned the Cullens. She thought James had stabbed her and that's why she'd been bleeding. She just remembered waking up in the hospital. An ambulance had brought her in. She was pretty sure she had lost consciousness not long after her arm was crushed and that she had never regained it. She'd needed massive amounts of blood.

Dr. Cullen had been at the hospital by coincidence, Charlie told me. He had been on a family-related leave of absence for the past week, but he and his wife had just stopped in briefly to pick something up. He wasn't even on the clock when the ambulance came in. He had jumped right in and taken care of Mom anyway. His wife had even stayed with her when he got an emergency call from his son that turned out to be about me, and he'd saved my life too. Repeatedly, apparently, though I had no memory of that.

Charlie was pretty certain the man was a candidate for sainthood, no matter how he felt about his son.

He wasn't far off on that sainthood thing, in my opinion. I didn't end up having to lie to my mom when she stroked my hair and asked me what had happened to me. Carlisle appeared in her room at the exact right moment, all calming smiles and professionalism, and nobody questioned him that it was time for me to get some rest.

* * *

More days passed. Counting my days in the coma, I was in the hospital for almost two weeks before it finally happened.

Every day, I had been getting physically stronger.

Every day, I had healed a little more.

Every day, I had been able to physically do a little more for myself.

But every day, I missed Edward more.

Every day, I withdrew a little more into myself.

Every day, my heart still refused to cooperate and stabilize into a normal rhythm.

If I had to explain it, the closest thing I could liken it to was having a hole punched in my chest.

Carlisle saw it. Of course he did. On paper, I was making remarkable progress. After nearly two weeks, my ribs barely hurt anymore, so long as I didn't do anything stupid. I was learning to use crutches and would eventually get a walking boot, although how anyone could sanely think crutches were a good idea for me in the interim, even without cords and wires trailing behind me, I couldn't be sure.

But I was improving, by most measurable standards.

If it weren't for my still wildly erratic heart, which required constant monitoring and medicinal adjustment, I could have gone home already. Renee had been discharged long since; she was staying at Charlie's house. I heard her unthinkingly refer to it as "home" when she came to visit.

She brought me a bag of clothes and toiletries from home, and encouraged me to get dressed and clean up, which Carlisle was fine with, so I did. It helped a little, felt good to look in the mirror and recognize myself.

But in every way that actually mattered, I was dying, retreating into myself and becoming more withdrawn by the hour. Carlisle's brow furrowed with consternation every time he looked at my heart monitor, at me. He'd repaired my internal damages. He was doing everything right. Modern medicine was failing me, and he couldn't understand _why_.

It had been nearly two weeks of Charlie's lockdown, of me withering away, of frustratingly veiled conversations with Carlisle in front of the guards, of Carlisle trying to charm Charlie into relaxing his security and allowing Edward to visit, for both our sakes.

And then, abruptly, Carlisle had finally had enough. Although, to be fair, I'm not sure if it was Charlie, Edward, or me that he was most fed up with.

One minute, the guards were standing in my room, along with Charlie. The next, they were banished to stand in a new duty post in the hallway, at the entry to the wing, and Carlisle was yanking down the privacy shade on my door with no small amount of satisfaction. He sent Charlie packing right along with them.

What Carlisle _said_ to them, in no uncertain terms, was that Charlie might be the chief of the police force, but that when it came to the hospital and patient care, with which they were now interfering, the buck stopped with him. They could leave or he'd have them thrown out.

What he _did_ was simply scare the hell out of them all when he said it. It hadn't occurred to me before that Carlisle's usually gentle smile could inspire just as much uneasiness in a human as Edward's or Emmett's, if he desired; that he could appear just as menacing as James or Victoria if he chose to expose his teeth in their full glory, to glare in just the right way. Having seen it once, I wasn't likely to forget it again. Charlie and his men weren't completely sure why, but they had known that getting out of that room didn't seem like such a bad idea, all of a sudden.

Carlisle was Carlisle again by the time he turned back to face me. His eyes had grown more concerned every time he looked at me for the past few days, and they were no less so now.

He hesitated only for a second, his eyes flickering across the monitors that had been counting my unstable heartbeats for nearly two weeks, despite his best medical efforts. Then he looked back at me and his jaw clenched with determination.

He crossed the room in two strides and disconnected me from my heart monitor and IV. He picked up my crutches and set them on the bed beside me. My eyes were already wide, even before he looked right into them and nearly made my heart stop again.

"I'm going to take your father out for coffee, Bella. I'll give you and Edward as much time as I can." He was out the door so fast I didn't even see him move.

When I started breathing again, I had only enough time to grab my crutches and get to my feet - well, foot - before the door opened.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	12. Symbiosis

Chapter 12

I hadn't been sure what it would be like, when I saw Edward again. So much had happened, and then so much time had passed.

In the end, I should have known it would happen exactly like it did. What else was there? I got an all-too-brief glimpse of beautiful, worried golden brown eyes as he stepped in the door and hesitated, not daring make the first move toward me after all that had happened between us. Every bit of breath left my body and I forgot how to breathe. The door closed with a solid thunk. I made the smallest clumsy move in his direction, breathed his name in a half sob, and then my crutches were clattering to the ground because I was in his arms.

I wondered, briefly, why it didn't hurt when he crushed me to him, until I remembered that Edward knew exactly where my injuries were. One arm clutched my upper half to him, his fingers splayed across my upper back with as much force as he dared. The other wrapped low - very low - around the small of my back and pulled me up tight against him, avoiding my ribs completely. His fingers dug into my hip almost painfully but _so good_. He'd never held me like this before. Tiny electric shocks seemed to be running through my body where my hips were pulled up tight against his.

He buried his face in my neck and I shivered, though not from cold.

I felt a breathless sob leave my body as I eagerly tried to drag him closer, sliding my hands up his back and clinging to his shoulders like I was drowning and someone had just thrown me a life preserver. I couldn't get him close enough, and he was having the same problem. His hands shook with the effort it took not to hold me as tightly as he wanted, as fiercely as he needed, holding back with every shred of control he had to keep from snapping me in two. I recognized that struggle for what it was, by now.

I needed to see his face, more than I needed my next breath. But that would involve putting space between us, and that was unacceptable. Then again, so was living one more second without drowning in his eyes, seeing for myself that he was truly safe and that we were finally really together.

Of all the dilemmas I'd had in recent days, it wasn't the worst, not by a long shot.

He made my decision for me when he abruptly released me. He stepped back just far enough to take my face in suddenly gentle hands, searching my eyes carefully. He was tentative, unsure his kiss would be welcome. Still, I clung to his shoulders, my nails digging in as hard as they could, unwilling to let him put any more space between us. He'd see the truth soon enough.

He'd hunted, I noticed, mesmerized by the gold in his eyes. He'd hunted a _lot —_ finally. Feeling almost as satisfied as if I was the one gorged on blood, I heard my own tiny little hum of approval.

He whispered my name then, and it was a question. I knew what came next. It was only a matter of time. My one supporting knee threatened to buckle, so I pressed my body closer against his.

I saw the moment he found the answer he was looking for, felt his hands start to slide through my hair, around to the back of my head. His gaze dropped to my lips. And then, with a groan that was pure _need_ , his mouth came down on mine without any further preamble. I opened to him immediately, and he wasted no time in accepting the invitation.

His tongue met mine like an electric shock, my body melting forward as I leaned into his chest. His kiss was deep but gentle, slow. Frustratingly careful, but there was no way around that. His hands tangled in my hair like he was never intending to let go.

_This_. This was the missing piece. The absence of this was the reason I'd been withering, dying, getting worse instead of better. I saw the truth of it now, just as Carlisle had so clearly realized as well: more medical care wasn't what I needed. I just couldn't live without Edward, any more than he could live without me.

My hands grabbed and fisted into his hair as I pulled myself closer, and he groaned into my mouth appreciatively. I tried to go up on the toes of my one good foot, to get just the tiniest bit closer to him. I lost my balance, of course, and would have fallen if he hadn't caught me. I gasped against his lips with the slight shock of pain to my ribs - he'd caught me by the waist, without thinking - and then I whimpered in protest when he realized what had just happened and broke the kiss. He looked down, noticed that I was balancing on one foot. There was a low growl in his chest, in response, and the next thing I knew, he'd swept his arm behind my knees and swung me carefully up into his arms so I couldn't fall again.

He sat down in the big recliner beside the bed, with me cradled in his lap. He pulled my face to his again, but he was gentler now. All too soon, he pulled away, his hands framing my face as he looked deep into my eyes. My hands went to his chest, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt as I held on like I was afraid he would disappear again at any moment.

"Where were you?" I whispered.

His voice, when he spoke, was like velvet wrapped in silk, but his golden eyes were worried again as he focused intently on me. The effect was breathtaking. My heart felt like it flipped upside down in my chest. Or maybe it was just finally righting itself.

"I've been here every second, Bella. I only left to hunt, and only then when you were sleeping and Carlisle was here."

I held on a little tighter. "I know that." He blinked, seeming surprised by my answer. "It's just that I never saw you. Where were you hiding?"

The awe written all over his face when he realized I had never doubted him was gorgeous. He pulled my face in and kissed my forehead, his answer breathed against my skin. "Carlisle's office. I heard every word said in this room. I could see you through Carlisle's eyes, the guards', even your father's. You can't imagine the control it took to stay away. But if you had needed me here, Bella, if you had so much as called my name once, nothing would have stopped me."

That came as no surprise. It was the only reason I had never done it.

It probably also explained why Carlisle had kept me sedated each time I slept, to keep me from calling out to Edward in my sleep. Whatever the reason, I was grateful. I wasn't looking forward to the nightmares that were sure to come eventually.

I shifted lower in Edward's lap, so that I could tuck my head under his chin and get close. His arms came around me instantly, his head tilting so he could rest his cheek against the top of my head. It was completely unfair, I thought, how overly relaxed I was already. I should have been keyed up for hours at seeing him again, but my entire body was melting into his and making me just want to go to sleep in his arms, like everything that had been wrong was suddenly _right_.

"I knew you were here," I reassured him again. I pressed a kiss to his throat and felt his hold grow infinitesimally tighter. "That's not the reason I'm mad at you," I mumbled sleepily into the side of his neck as I snuggled closer, my actions belying my words.

I could feel him smile into my hair at that, his hands rubbing my arms soothingly. He seemed completely content too. "I had assumed there would be a list."

Not really. I'd come to terms with most of it. In my mind, there was only one. I dug my fingers in tighter. "Edward, you crashed a _plane_."

His eyebrow went up, his head leaning back so that he could see me, as one hand came up to tip my chin toward him. A smile played on his lips. "Of all my many offenses, that's the one that has you upset?" I raised an eyebrow back, waiting, and he sighed indulgently, shaking his head in bemused disbelief. "It was a jet, and technically, I didn't crash it. I flew it. It only crashed because I jumped out to come after _you_." He punctuated his last word with a light kiss on the tip of my nose.

His disregard for his own safety bothered me immensely. Not that I was an expert, but from what I remembered in the woods with James, fire was one of the two parts to killing a vampire. His life being endangered for mine wasn't acceptable to me. That had been at least half the point of why I did what I did. I huffed impatiently, pulling away from his arms and sitting up straight so that I could see him eye to eye. "I'm not joking."

His smile slowly faded, his eyes growing deadly serious. He wasn't touching me anymore, other than the fact that I still sat in his lap. Then, to my surprise, a flash of real anger darkened his expression. "Neither am I. What choice did I have? You forced my hand, Bella. If a fiery crash was my only remaining chance to reach you in time, I'll not apologize for taking it, even if that scares you."

I stared at him, confused and a little hurt, and his eyes softened. With a heavy sigh, he took my hands in his, needing contact despite his anger. "I heard what you said to Carlisle, and you were right. We _do_ need to talk, although I planned to wait until you're stronger. But if you really want to do this now, you should know that my crashing a plane pales in comparison to what you did to me, to the scare you put me through."

He let go of one of my hands and reached into his shirt pocket, then held up a small, wear-worn piece of paper, one that looked like it had been folded and unfolded many times.

"I found your note," he told me flatly. His eyes were accusing. "An appreciable portion of eternity before I managed to find _you_."

My mouth fell open slightly, my heart twisting at his haunted, angry expression. I had forgotten all about that, my hastily scribbled goodbye note, buried at the place where I had got into the blue car James provided for me to deliver myself to him. Edward, on the other hand, had obviously not forgotten. He carried it on his person. How many times had he read it in the last two weeks?

I licked my lips nervously. "Edward, I..."

He shoved the still-folded note back in his shirt pocket and briefly placed his finger on my lips instead, needing to say his piece. I had been annoyed with his reckless disregard for his safety. He was absolutely livid over mine. His focus shifted to our linked hands, his voice intentionally soft.

"You see, I didn't know he made you change vehicles. Your truck was what we were searching for from the air, Emmett and I. Alice had seen you drive away in it to meet James. We bailed out when we spotted it, believing we were close to you. I can't tell you the relief I felt that I couldn't hear James close by. I thought that meant I had found you in time. But when I followed your trail from your truck to the road, instead of finding you, I found what amounted to your suicide note. Your scent disappeared there too, of course, and James was still out of my range. I had no idea where to look for you, where he might have taken you. For all I knew, you were already dead."

He didn't have to tell me how that had felt. It was written all over his face when he looked back up, drilling me with the intensity of his gaze, and he wasn't done.

"I ran blindly in a few different directions before I finally caught James' thoughts, knowing that meant I was still miles away. I could see what he was doing to you, Bella, even without his sadistic video. Every second that passed, as I ran those miles, was the worst torture imaginable, knowing there was a very real possibility that I might be moments too late."

His jaw clenched, the anger returning. "Bella, to hand yourself over to him like that, to not even give me a chance — after I begged you to wait for me — did you not know what that would do to me? Have I done so poor a job of making you understand what you mean to me?"

Tears filled my eyes, and I pulled my hands away from his to bring them up and frame his face. "I thought it was the only way," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I can't stand the idea of anything hurting you, either."

With his eyes full of emotion, his hands came up to softly grip my wrists, keeping my hands in place against his cheeks. He turned his face slightly and pressed a hard kiss into one of my palms before turning his full attention back to my face. His voice turned hard, his gaze burning into me. "The only thing I'm afraid of is losing you. I refuse to live without you, Bella. I'd have followed you, just as soon as I avenged your death. And make no mistake that I would have done that too. Note or not, did you honestly believe, for even a single moment, that I wouldn't have hunted him to the ends of the earth if he laid a finger on you?"

"No," I whispered, shivering, remembering the things Carlisle had told me in the car about my being Edward's mate, about how what happened to me affected him too, about how if I died, he'd find a way to die with me. "I know that now."

His fingers on my wrists tightened slightly. "Good. Never do anything like that to me again, Bella." It was every bit as much plea as it was command. Maybe more. "Not ever."

"I won't," I promised, my heart thudding in my chest. And it was the truth. I wouldn't risk putting him in danger again.

His fingers slid up my wrists to my hands, gently pulling them both around to his mouth and pressing kisses to them.

As he did so, something caught his eye, and he pulled my hands a little farther away to get a better look at them. The ligature bruises on my wrists, from where he had left me tied up, had nearly completely faded, but I knew his eyes could still see the faint yellow marks. Not to mention that he had certainly seen them at their worst through Carlisle's thoughts.

His brow furrowed. He traced the lines with his thumbs for a moment, a touch so soft that it was barely there. Then his jaw clenched, and I watched, fascinated, as he loosely encircled each of my wrists with just his thumbs and index fingers, measuring how tiny my wrists were compared to his strong hands. He met my eyes briefly, then abruptly pulled me close and buried his face at the junction of my neck and shoulder.

"God, Bella, I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I'm the one who should be apologizing," he breathed into my skin and pressed a kiss there that sent a delightful shiver through me. "I intend to do so, at length, but we don't have much time. Charlie will be back soon, and it's best if I go for tonight. Just for now, could I just hold you? I'll be back at the first opportunity, and we can talk more then."

I nodded, not trusting my voice, but leaned into him. He carefully shifted us so that my back was to his chest, with me sitting between his legs in the comfortable recliner, and he wrapped his arms fully around me.

It was all I could do not to cry. I could feel my heartbeat faltering for the first time since he'd been there, with the anticipation of him having to leave me again. When his body tensed and his arms around me clenched reflexively, I knew he heard it too.

He released his embrace then, just long enough for his hands to find mine and cover them. His fingers slid between mine to interlace them tightly, and then he wrapped all four of our arms around me. It started so low I could barely hear it, but I soon came to realize he was humming my lullaby.

* * *

I was still curled up in Edward's embrace, my fingers laced beneath his and and his chin on top of my head, when Carlisle and Charlie returned.

Edward must surely have known they were coming before I did, given that he could _literally_ hear them coming miles away, but he didn't seem particularly concerned about it when their voices approached the door. My heart raced and then felt like it skipped a beat. When I made a move to pull away, probably intending to jump up on legs that wouldn't hold me up anyway, he just held onto me firmly.

"You have to go!" I warned him, uselessly trying to break his grip. "Charlie's coming!"

"No, Bella," he murmured into my hair. "I'll take care of it. Everything's all right."

But Charlie was most certainly not all right when he walked into my room, looked at my bed and didn't see me. He was even less all right when he did find me. His face turned nearly purple when he registered Edward's presence and our position.

He took two angry steps toward us. "What the hell are you doing here?" he thundered. "Get away from her!"

"Charlie..." Carlisle began, calmly, from behind him.

But Charlie wasn't having it. "No! I want him out of here. NOW." He was barely controlling himself when he looked back toward me and Edward. "Get your hands off of her and get out of here, kid, right now, or so help me God..."

"I'm staying."

The room went devastatingly quiet. My mouth fell open in shock as I swiveled my head around as far as I could and stared at Edward. He squeezed me gently, reassuringly, but his eyes were fixed on Charlie's face, rivaling Carlisle with his level of calm. His statement had been quiet but firm.

My emotions were slower on the uptake, but my body responded to his words instantly. All the tension drained out of me and my heart started to settle back into a normal rhythm. My body somehow knew what my brain hadn't picked up on yet: if Edward said he was staying, that cemented it. I didn't have to give him up again.

But Charlie's face was terrible. "What did you just say to me?" He took another step closer, intimidating. If I hadn't technically been between him and Edward, seeing as I was in Edward's lap, I'm not sure what he would have done.

Edward was steady as a rock. "I respect you, Chief Swan, as Bella's father, but I'm not going anywhere. I've only just realized that Bella needs me to stay here tonight. So this is where I'm going to be."

Charlie spluttered, not really sure what to do with that. What he really wanted to do was shoot a 17-year-old kid, but Edward's respectful tone wasn't the attitude he had been expecting, either. "You'll go if I say you'll go," he finally settled on.

He turned to Carlisle accusingly, as if questioning why he didn't do something about his son.

Carlisle met his gaze squarely, sympathetically, but his body language was casual. He actually shrugged. "He's been extremely worried about her, Charlie. He saved her life, after all. It's been nearly two weeks. He needed to see her."

If Charlie hadn't already suspected Carlisle had something to do with Edward being there, he knew it now. His eyes narrowed. His face was furious. "I trusted you."

To his credit, Carlisle didn't bother making excuses. "You can trust Edward too. I'll vouch for my son's character. He would never hurt her, Charlie. He loves her."

Charlie scoffed bitterly, but his shoulders dropped like he'd just been punched in the gut. "They're just kids. They don't even know what love is yet." He sounded miserable, defeated, and my heart twisted. This wasn't even about me and Edward. The pain in his eyes wasn't fresh. It had been there since I was little. Renee. Young love. No wonder Charlie was so against mine and Edward's relationship.

But Carlisle persisted. "Look how much better she looks already. Look at the color in her cheeks. Her heart..." He stopped, realizing what he had been about to say. He wasn't supposed to know what my heartrate was from across the room, not when I wasn't connected to the machines any longer. But I could guess what he had nearly said: my heartrate was the steadiest he'd heard it in two weeks.

The corner of Edward's mouth turned up just the tiniest bit, and I knew he had caught the slip-up too. Not that it was news to him that my heart's cooperation seemed very much tied to his presence. I was under no illusions about what he meant when he told Charlie he'd only just realized I needed him there. Was it my imagination, or did he seem just a little smug about that?

"I know you've noticed it too, Charlie," Carlisle amended his statement, gently. "She should have been getting better, but she wasn't, not really. Look at her now."

And Charlie did. He _hated_ it, but he did it. I couldn't see what he saw, but I did see the moment he relented. He shifted his weight. His hands went to his hips, and he looked toward the ceiling on a heavy sigh.

"Do you want him here, Bells?" he flatly asked the ceiling.

"Yes," I whispered quickly. "Yes, Dad, please." My heartrate was ticking up again, this time with healthy anticipation, and Edward gently nuzzled my hair out of the way and dropped a kiss on the back of my neck. I wasn't really sure that helped with the racing heart.

"You know, you could say no. I'd be glad to get rid of him for you." This was a Charlie I was more familiar with. Resigned and a little cynical. He was still staring a hole through the roof.

"I'm sure." My voice was a little stronger this time. "I want him to stay." Edward's arms around my waist tightened, and I realized...despite everything, he still needed to hear that too.

Finally, Charlie glanced at us again. His eyes were so sad it made my breath catch. He fidgeted, didn't seem to know where to look or what to do with his hands. "All right. I'll just...if you need me, I'll be at the station. I've got...stuff to do."

He turned toward the door, and I sat up straighter, pulling my hands away from Edward's as I leaned forward. This time, he let me.

"Dad!"

Charlie stopped immediately, turned and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "Thank you. I love you."

Charlie's eyes closed. His jaw clenched. "Jeez, Bells," he pushed out, his voice gruff. "I love you too." He forced a small smile for me, expended considerably less effort to throw a warning glare in Edward's direction, and then he was gone.

* * *

Charlie and Carlisle were barely out of the room when Edward adjusted his hold to lift me, standing up smoothly.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, throwing both arms tightly around his neck. He set me down gently on the bed. I didn't let go.

"I'm not going anywhere," he answered my unspoken fear, as though he actually _could_ read my mind. "But Charlie won't be back tonight, and you should lie down. You've had an exciting afternoon." There was a smile in his voice.

I relaxed when Edward followed me into the bed, pulling me right back into his arms. Being able to stretch out beside him with my head on his chest felt far better to my still injured body, but then I glanced toward the door, tensing up. "How do you know he's not coming back?"

I felt the rumble of his quiet laugh against my cheek. "He's pretty sure this is exactly what he would see. I believe the human sentiment is 'out of sight, out of mind', although I find that idea ludicrous." He ran his fingers through my hair. "You being out of sight is more like torture for me."

Speaking of out of sight, something had been playing in my mind since our discussion earlier, one question I'd never found an answer for. I raised my head, laying my hand on his chest and propping my chin on it so I could see him. "Hey, I meant to ask you before...where was Emmett?"

Edward blinked, but surprise quickly gave way to amusement. "This again?" he deadpanned. "First your obsession with his clothes, and now you bring him up when I'm trying to be romantic. I'm hurt, Bella."

I rolled my eyes at his teasing. He squeezed me lightly, playfully. We were both a little giddy with the knowledge that he didn't have to leave me for the night, despite the fact that there were some serious issues we still needed to work through.

"No, I mean in the woods, when you were fighting James. I know Emmett was on the jet with you, and I heard you say something to him after it was over. But where was he during the fight? Why didn't he help you?"

Edward relaxed into the pillow, moving one hand behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. I wondered if he was seeing it all again. "He was staying out of my way, and also keeping one eye on you in case Victoria was around. I found out later that he called Carlisle long before I asked him to, just as soon as he got a good look at you. He had my back if I needed him, but he also understood just how badly I wanted James for myself."

He nearly grew serious at that thought, but then he noticeably relaxed again, an affectionate smile twisting his lips. "I suppose that proves my brother really does care. For Emmett, willingly sitting out of a fight is just about the mushiest way of saying 'I love you' imaginable. It's practically embarrassing." He laughed lightly to himself, and it made me smile.

"I've missed this," I told him, scooting up to rest my head on his shoulder, my hand lying on his chest. He hummed his agreement, leaving one arm behind his head but keeping the other wrapped around me loosely, slowly rubbing my arm.

* * *

"Carlisle's sending you home tomorrow," he suddenly told me a few quiet minutes later, and kissed the top of my head. I shifted to look at him, and it was plain to see that that idea delighted him. But he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were slightly unfocused, his attention on something happening in another room. A blatant smirk broke across his face, and I eyed him suspiciously. "He's trying to figure out how to explain your heart's sudden miraculous recovery to Charlie. Well, aside from the obvious."

I narrowed my eyes at him, waiting until he looked down and fully focused on me. "The obvious?" My tone could have stripped wallpaper. He just grinned at me, entirely too pleased with himself. So I swatted him on the chest before I hid my blushing face there, only making him more delighted in the process. "Shut up," I groused into his shirt, thoroughly mortified. "Stupid vampire hearing."

Nothing had ever felt as good as the rumble of his laughter in his chest as I lay against him. "Don't be embarrassed, love," he told me softly, when I burrowed my face in deeper to hide from him. "Your heartbeat is my entire world. And if mine could still beat, it would give up without you too. I only regret that Carlisle was the one who thought to try this. I could have saved myself a couple of very long weeks of worry."

I wasn't about to answer that, too busy cringing with the reminder that not only Edward but also _Carlisle_ knew that my heart threw temper tantrums when Edward wasn't around. _Ugh._ He was already quiet again, listening to something, as I could tell when I turned my head and sneaked a peek under my lashes. I closed my eyes again before he could catch me looking at him.

* * *

I could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, and it was starting to lull me to sleep. So I definitely noticed when he suddenly stopped breathing a few minutes later and his arm tightened around me. That was followed seconds later by a quiet, surprised, "Oh."

I was still a little jumpy, I guess. It got my attention enough to sit up beside him, leaning sideways on my hands and looking down at him with alarm. He let me go with no resistance. He was still lying down, his expression one of deep concentration.

When he spoke again, with a voice that was just a low murmur, I was pretty sure he had forgotten I was even there. He was responding to whatever he heard, pausing in between comments like he was having a conversation. "Yes, that would explain... but she's not... how could that be?"

I tried to be patient and stay calm. For just a second, I was worried that the "she" was Victoria. I hadn't forgotten that she was still out there somewhere, likely wanting revenge on Edward. But he didn't look particularly alarmed. In fact, he looked downright _entranced_. As inexplicable as the idea might be, that fascinated look on his face probably meant that what he was hearing had something to do with me.

So if the "she" was me, then I wasn't...what? Completely healed? Normal? Sane?

A vampire, like him?

"What is it?" I asked, a little too eagerly, noting absently that my voice was shaking. I was failing miserably at both patient and calm.

But what quickly drew all of my attention was that Edward's breathing had picked back up, only a little more rapidly than before. He didn't look directly at me, so it was hard to tell, but I thought his eyes were darker than they had been before too.

"Carlisle has a theory," he murmured, a little absently, like his focus was still elsewhere. His voice was rougher than normal. "About us. Well, mostly you. A very intriguing one."

"I hope this one is less embarrassing than the last one," I muttered, and was rewarded by seeing the corner of his lip pull up in a half grin. There was amusement there, but also something else, something I couldn't quite identify. Then his eyes brushed across mine, still with that same teasing smile on his lips, like he knew something I didn't. Something about the way he did it had my lower stomach fluttering in response. That slow slide of his eyes across mine had a sensuous quality to it that felt as intimate as a physical touch. His focus went right back to whatever he was listening to, but that was fine. I needed a second to catch my breath anyway.

He was still intently focused a full minute later, although whether he was still listening or just mulling over what he had heard, I couldn't know. It certainly wasn't like I'd be going back to sleep anytime soon, though. I sighed and decided I might as well get comfortable.

Working around my cast as best I could, I shifted my weight so that I could sit up somewhat cross-legged at his side, looking down at him where he still lay on his back. There wasn't a whole lot of room in my hospital bed, even if it was a fairly wide one thanks to all the machinery I'd originally required. I was wearing a tank top and shorts Renee had put in the bag she brought me. My bare knee just barely brushed his side, skimming across cool bare skin where his t-shirt had ridden up slightly at the waist. Surprisingly, he flinched at that slight touch. His eyes jolted over to me, locking onto mine like he'd just remembered I was there, and my breath immediately caught in my throat.

It hadn't been my imagination before. His eyes were _definitely_ darker. In fact, his pupils looked almost completely blown. There was something charged in the air as we stared at one another, our only point of contact my knee to his ribs. I realized I was holding my breath.

I'd have never believed I'd be the first to back down if Edward was looking at me like that. I would have been wrong.

Nervously, feeling like a coward, I broke the silence, wringing my fingers together in my lap. "So? What's his theory? Is something wrong?"

He blinked slowly, still under whatever spell had him in its grasp. His _voice_...it was so gravelly that I felt my guts clench. "On the contrary. I like it entirely too much." A smile played on his lips again. But before I could clear my muddled brain and come up with an even vaguely coherent follow-up question, he sighed heavily and seemed to snap out of it a little, like he had just remembered something sobering. "But even if he's right, I suppose it doesn't change anything, at least not right now. I can't let myself forget that."

I could feel the blush rising up my chest. The heartbeat thing was bad enough. If Carlisle's theory about the reasoning behind it was any worse, I might actually die of embarrassment. "Okay, you have to tell me now. You're starting to scare me a little."

A tiny, wry laugh escaped him and he looked away. "Not half as bad as I might scare you if I even attempt to discuss this topic with you. I don't think I have the self-control for that tonight." The words were automatic, his true, unfiltered reaction, but I also recognized that look on his face. It was the same one he always got about anything having to do with his vampire side, his stubborn belief that he was a monster and I should fear him. He took a deep breath, then forced a lighter tone and a smile, trying to play it off. "I only just got you back, after all. I'd prefer not to scare you off for good, if I can help it."

I didn't buy it. It hadn't escaped my notice that he hadn't made a single move to touch me since I first sat up. He was still lying beside me, looking up at me. My knee still rested against his side, but there was no other physical contact between us. One of his hands rested on his chest, the other still behind his head.

"I don't think that's possible," I told him honestly. "I'm not afraid of you. You know that, right?"

He met my eyes. By this time, his were golden brown again, but now they were swimming with concern and guilt. "Are you sure? After everything I did, I would understand if you're nervous being alone with me. Until I got your message, I wasn't certain you'd want to see me again at all."

My heart dropped into my stomach at the very idea of Edward pacing his father's office before I woke up, keeping vigil for days without even the assurance that I would want him there. Carlisle had told me my "message" was exactly what Edward needed to hear, but I hadn't grasped just how true that really was.

I managed to keep my tone even, my gaze steady. I wasn't giving him anything else to misinterpret. "You were only protecting me, and I know that now. I'm sorry I made you think I was afraid of you. I wasn't and I'm not. I _was_ angry at you, but I've had time to process. I think I understand why you did everything you did."

He inhaled slowly, like a huge burden had been lifted off his chest, and his hand reached up to softly trace my cheek. His words were self-accusatory, but his eyes were pleading with me to understand. "Bella...I promised you an apology at length, and I owe you that and more. But to be honest, I don't even know where to begin.

"I kidnapped you. I held you against your will when you begged me to return you, and I physically restrained you. I only wanted to protect you, but then I lost control and very nearly killed you myself. If I live through a thousand eternities, I'll never forget the terror on your face in that moment. I'll never forget that I was hurting you, crushing you, that I made you cry. I'd gladly spend the rest of eternity trying to make it up to you, that one moment alone. I'm so, so sorry, sweetheart. If I could undo it, I would."

He started to withdraw his hand, and mine flew to cover his, holding it against my face. "Edward..."

"No...please let me do this," he implored. "I need to say it."

Our hands were still linked together against my cheek. He took hold of mine and brought it down to his own lips instead, placing a soft kiss on the faint ligature bruises around my wrist. "I'm sorry for this too," he murmured against the mark, his thumb caressing my skin. "It's bad enough that I let you get hurt at all. But to see a mark on your body that I caused, to know that it happened because I used physical force on you — I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, Bella. Please, _please_ forgive me, for that above anything else."

He wasn't done, and I knew that. He was just getting started with his perceived list of crimes. But I couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, stop. It's my turn now," I informed him. When he opened his mouth to protest, I reached down and firmly put my finger over his lips, like he so often did to me. I glared at him just the tiniest bit to let him know I was serious. The irony of my action wasn't lost on him. His lip quirked under my finger with a hint of amusement, and he pointedly raised an eyebrow at me, but he humored me and kept quiet. I pulled my hand back, somehow finding the restraint not to point out just exactly how scary of a monster he really wasn't. My big scary vampire was only all too willing to let a frail, injured little human girl push him around.

"Here's the way I see all of that," I countered. "You were willing to leave your family and your home to keep me safe. You took care of me and never left my side when I was sick. You starved yourself in the process because I was more important to you than your own needs. You were willing to do anything to protect me, even if it meant you lost me because of it. You were willing to make that sacrifice. You _didn't_ hurt me, Edward, not even the times that I fought you. You were so careful not to, and I know that. And you can apologize all you want, but if you had to make the same decision again in order to protect me, we both know you would. And I'm okay with that."

He sat up beside me, no longer satisfied with the amount of contact between us, and pulled me into his lap sideways. One of his hands slipped around to the back of my head, and the other gripped my waist, but he didn't say anything. He was hanging on my every word, completely entranced.

"But most of all, you saved me from James," I told him a little more quietly, starting to feel a little shy. "I thought I was about to die, and then you were _there_. I'll never forget that moment if _I_ live through a thousand eternities too. How could you possibly think I would hate you? I love you more now than I did before."

The breath he drew in was shaky, his eyes darkening, and I was sure he was about to kiss me until I forgot my own name. He definitely thought about it. But what he did was even better.

He opened up to me, and trusted me not to run screaming.

"Carlisle's theory...I'm more certain than ever that he's right. I can't put it all into words tonight, Bella, simply because I don't trust myself at the moment. As I said, I like the idea far too much. But in short, Carlisle believes that your...that your bond to me is very nearly as strong as mine to you, to the point of my absence having a physical effect on you; that we are already so inextricably linked that what happens to one affects the other. Something that powerful shouldn't be possible for you, not as a human.

"For a vampire, that type of bond is permanently altering. I could tell you the very millisecond that change took place in me, that you became my entire world. That will never be undone, nor would I want it to be. But it never occurred to any of us that it might be the same for you, or that it was even possible."

My heart felt like it was beating in my throat. Carlisle had already explained the concept to me, at least as far as Edward's side of it was concerned. I knew exactly what Edward meant but carefully wasn't saying. He meant that I was his mate. And apparently, if Carlisle's theory was correct, then Edward was mine too, vampire or not.

But why wouldn't he _say_ it? Something flared within me, and my blood felt like it was on fire. I wanted to hear him say the word so desperately that it almost frightened me. There was something _primal_ about my desire to hear it.

I curled my fingers into his shirt collar, holding on tightly. "What does that mean, exactly?"

But he didn't say it that night. He leaned forward, cupped my chin, and laid the softest, sweetest, most chaste kiss imaginable against my lips. "I'm not sure yet what it means for our future. But for tonight, it means that all my noble intentions have flown right out the window. I can barely think straight. I promise you that we'll discuss this more later, but not on the night I just got you back, when keeping my hands to myself is already next to impossible. Not to mention that Carlisle's already threatening to throw me out if I don't get out of his head and let you get some sleep. As if he could." He grinned at me crookedly, dazzling me, and gave me another of those barely-there kisses, this time on my forehead.

He gently laid me down and then extricated himself into the chair beside my bed, and I wasn't so naive as to wonder why. "Sleep, Bella. I won't leave your side again. Tomorrow you're going home, and any decisions that need to be made, we'll have plenty of time to make them together."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	13. I'm Here

Chapter 13

Seven. That was the number of nights' worth of overnight sedatives Carlisle prescribed to help me sleep when he sent me home. It was probably more of a routine going-home prescription than something he really expected me to take. I shoved the little bottle in my bag anyway.

Not coincidentally, seven was also the number of nights I managed to sleep in my own bed, in Edward's protective embrace, before the first real nightmare hit me.

Even before that, none of that first week was pretty.

* * *

Day 1

It was late on a Saturday afternoon by the time the hospital got the paperwork done and got around to discharging me.

A good portion of the rest of that weekend was taken up with Charlie and Renee. She was leaving the next day for the airport, Sunday afternoon, going back home to Phil. Charlie was handling that pretty much the way I would have expected. He was a quiet, gruff mess. The ride home from the hospital with the two of them was awkward, to say the least, especially without Edward there to divert my attention.

Then it got more awkward. Charlie dug deep, found his courage, and asked her to just stay with him. Permanently.

She said no.

I wasn't four years old anymore. I still held my breath when he asked. I still felt like somebody had punched me right in the gut when she refused him.

Charlie was the one who'd just had the rug yanked out from under him. So why did it feel like I was the one who went into free fall?

Something about the whole thing affected me in a way that had nothing to do with the two of them. It had everything to do with me and Edward.

But it didn't really matter how I felt. Renee was flustered and upset, and Charlie was hiding in his bedroom, so it still fell on me — on my first night home — to help Renee get it together for her flight the next day

Packing her stuff wasn't the problem. Even she could do that. _Finding_ it was the hard part, scattered through every room in the house, under couch cushions and beds. I was really, really starting to hate my crutches. Also, I'm really not sure what her earrings were doing in the kitchen cabinets behind the cereal, or her keys in the refrigerator behind the milk, but such was my childhood. I didn't bat an eye.

Charlie had other things to worry about, so he barely groused at all about Edward showing up at the door right after dinner, unexpectedly. I was surprised to see him too. My dad had been pretty clear, when we left the hospital, about wanting family time that night. Edward had let me go reluctantly, whispering in my ear that he would be there when I went to bed. So I hadn't expected to see him before then. But I certainly wasn't complaining.

I was so tired when I answered the door that I barely registered the tension in his frame, the intensity in his eyes as he studied me, the way he was asking "What's wrong, Bella?" the second the door cracked open, before he ever laid eyes on me.

Instead, I all but collapsed into his surprisingly fierce embrace for one contented moment, his mere presence making me feel better. His Volvo was parked in the driveway, I noted absently. Then I basically dragged him in the door without so much as a hello kiss and went right back to hobbling around in search of Renee's wallet.

I'd missed it at the door, but it became clear to me pretty quickly that he knew something was up with me before he ever showed up. I could feel his speculative eyes following my every step, concern radiating off of him in waves. I didn't have the energy to wonder why, but it was a safe bet Alice had something to do with it.

I didn't dwell on it. I had too much to do.

Until, rather suddenly, I didn't.

Vampires were very, very good at finding things, apparently. Renee's misplaced stuff started turning up at a superhuman rate. I didn't even tease him about it. With Renee, it takes a village.

Before I knew it, Renee was done packing and I was resting on the couch, which I was pretty sure was exactly what Edward intended. He sat close beside me, and I leaned ever so slightly into his shoulder as I visited with my mom on the last night I would have her close by.

He stayed out of the conversation, for the most part, other than when Renee asked him direct questions. She was trying to get a read on both him and on our relationship, and it set me more on edge than it usually would have. But Edward held my hand tightly in his, gently caressing my skin with his thumb, his message coming through loud and clear: I'm here.

Eventually, Edward "left for the night", but not before carefully pulling me into his arms at the door, like I was made of spun glass that might shatter at any moment. He watched me closely as he did it. Ever so softly, he pressed his lips to mine, a gentle kiss with so much tenderness that I thought I might actually give in and cry despite my determination not to.

His lips went to my ear. "Alice is going to meet me around the corner to take my car. I'll be _right back_." He brushed his lips across my cheek and then reluctantly walked out the door to drive away in his Volvo, looking back over his shoulder at me twice before he got there. It still made my heart stutter to see him leave, even though I knew he wasn't going far.

But when he was gone, reality hit. I went back to the living room and hugged my mom tightly for a long moment, barely able to believe that soon she would be gone again. Part of me had thought — had really _hoped_ — that maybe she would just stay with Charlie after all. There was no doubt Charlie still loved her enough for them both.

I couldn't help drawing parallels, with me in the role of Charlie, and it sent me right into a tailspin.

If I was completely honest, I had been desperately hoping to see a demonstration that unconditional, forever love always wins after all. The fact that it didn't, right there in my own family, made me...uneasy at best. Renee and Charlie had been deeply in love at one point, too. Now only one of them was. Could that happen to me and Edward? Would he eventually bore of me the way Renee got bored of Charlie? Maybe it was in my genes. I was way too much like my father for my own good.

It couldn't be a good sign that Carlisle said I was Edward's mate, but Edward refused to use the word. I felt a burning pain inside every time _that_ topic came to mind, which was often.

Maybe he didn't want that, didn't want something so permanent. He'd told Carlisle in the woods he had no intention of changing me, which put an inevitable time limit on the relationship.

My own thoughts were making my head hurt.

So I took my first of the little sedative pills, number one of seven, and carefully but wearily hobbled my way to the bathroom and then my room.

Edward was there, of course, standing in front of my bed, waiting for me. I'd avoided his worried eyes the entire evening, choosing to focus instead on the flurry of activity that was Renee and her upcoming departure.

Now there was no avoiding the topic of what was going on with me — that much was written all over his face — and I really didn't want to talk about it. I didn't really even know what "it" _was_ , only that I felt strangely empty somehow.

I closed my door and stood with my back to it, not going any closer. Even I could feel how closed off my posture was, so there was little hope that Edward didn't notice it. I leaned on my crutches with them partly in front of me, like a big unwieldy shield.

"I'm fine," I tried to stave him off before he could even get started. "Really. I'm just tired." I didn't exactly meet his eyes, at least not for more than a millisecond at a time.

He moved at ordinary human speed, but he still wasted no time in crossing the distance between us. He calmly removed the crutches from my hands and then took me gently but firmly into his arms, just as my face crumpled with impending tears. I buried my face in my hands, against his chest.

He didn't seem terribly surprised when the first sob came out just a few seconds later. He just held me tightly and let me cry, one arm wrapped securely around my waist and the other hand stroking my hair. Occasionally, he pressed kisses into my hair, whispering that he was there, that he loved me, that it was all going to be okay.

He reiterated that he was right there a _lot._ Maybe he had a clue what was going on with me after all.

When he rubbed my back and sweetly offered to take me to Jacksonville himself, for my upcoming birthday or any other time I wanted to visit, I just cried harder and wrapped my arms fully around his waist. I held on for dear life. He'd figured out at least one other part of what was bothering me. Of course he had. Edward was nothing if not attentive where I was concerned, whether he could read my thoughts or not. Probably even more so because he couldn't.

But he still didn't know all of it, the part I could barely admit to myself.

By the time I'd cried myself out, I was also yawning into his chest, compliments of the sedative. I had pretty much given up all pretense of holding up my own weight, letting his strong arm hold me up. I felt more than heard his tiny affectionate chuckle when he lifted me, carrying me to my bed.

Thanks to the drug, I was fast asleep — a deep, dreamless sleep — almost before my head was back on his chest in my bed.

* * *

Sometime during the night, I was awakened by a loud crash. I sat bolt upright, gasping for air. My waist was immediately enveloped from behind by strong arms, cool lips brushing against my temple as Edward sat up with me and pulled me close. Like he had been on guard, waiting for exactly that type of reaction.

"It's all right, Bella. You're safe...I'm here. It's just a thunderstorm."

Light flashed through my bedroom window, followed by another crash. I expected it that time, but I still jumped.

I had no active memory of dreaming that night, but my subconscious must have been active. Because in my mind, that crash had been the sound of two mountains crashing into each other, the sound of impact when Edward and James had crashed repeatedly into one another. I absentmindedly rubbed my wrist, the crescent scar where James had bit me. Normally, I couldn't feel it. Tonight it was just a phantom pain, but there nonetheless.

Slowly, I tried to settle down my breathing, relaxing back against Edward. He swept the hair off my neck and began pressing soft kisses into my shoulder, his hands coming up to skim up and down my arms soothingly.

He tried to pull me back down, to lie against him again, but the last thing I wanted was to go back to sleep. There were too many things I was afraid to dream about. He didn't stop me when I resisted his pulling arms and scrambled into his lap sideways instead, locking my arms around his neck and resting my forehead against his shoulder.

He accepted my presence there readily, enfolding me in his embrace, but the light laugh that escaped him when he pressed his lips to the top of my head was as perplexed as it was amused.

"This is new," he remarked quietly, a smile in his voice, and kissed me again. "Since when are you afraid of thunderstorms?"

"Since now," I muttered into his neck, sounding the tiniest bit grumpy. It was just easier than going into it. Regardless of whether he teased me, he'd still worry. He'd worry more if he knew what the sound reminded me of. A shudder ran through me when thunder crashed again, rattling my windows this time, and I burrowed a little closer.

But maybe I hadn't given him enough credit. His eyes were serious, searching, when he pulled me back and tipped my chin up so he could look into my eyes.

"You'd tell me if something else was bothering you, wouldn't you?"

The fact that I couldn't meet his eyes at that was answer enough. When my focus dropped toward his nose, he dipped his head to put his eyes back in my line of sight, trying to recapture my gaze. Guilt must have been written all over my face. His sigh was frustrated. "Of course you wouldn't."

"It's nothing," I mumbled, embarrassed, ducking away from his hands. I stayed in his lap but I let go of him, choosing instead to stare at my hands I was now clenching together in my lap. "It's just...my mom."

That was at least a partial truth. I didn't want to lie to him, but what could I do? There was no possible way I was attempting to put it into words, to tell him that Renee's refusal to stay with Charlie was dragging up more insecurities about us than he could possibly imagine; that I had a near-primal urge for just one word from him to fix it, a word I would prefer not to have to _ask_ him to say.

He would tell me my worries were completely unfounded — of course he would — but how could I help identifying with Charlie? There was absolutely nothing about me that should have a snowball's chance in hell of being able to hold onto Edward in the long term. I fit into his world about as well as boring Charlie fit into vivacious Renee's. The situation with James had proved that beyond a doubt.

He didn't answer my half-truth for so long that I finally looked up at him. I wasn't sure what I had expected, but the completely agonized look on his face wasn't it. I felt my heart start to beat faster.

Edward searched my eyes seriously, his brow furrowed like he was working up to something. Both hands came up to frame my face, holding me gently but securely in place where he could see my every reaction. "Bella...I'm going to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth — not what you think I want to hear."

"Okay," I agreed nervously, not at all sure that the truth would be what he got.

"Do you want to go with her? Is that what all this is about?"

"What?" I asked him, completely bewildered. Insecure or not, I hadn't been expecting _that._

His tone was as gentle as his hands. "I don't want you to be unhappy. If you want to move to Jacksonville with your mother, you can tell me. I promise I won't stand in your way. I won't try to stop you, no matter how much I might want to. I just want you to be happy...and safe."

Maybe the sedative was dulling my senses, or maybe I'd just been through more ups and downs than one person should have to face in a month, much less in 24 hours, because I didn't immediately get it. "You can't live in Jacksonville," I pointed out. "It's sunny all the time."

He let go of my face and held me by my upper arms, just a bit too tightly. "That's the point. If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened to you. If I had been strong enough to leave you alone from the beginning, you would have never been in danger from James. You'd be far safer without me. I want to give you that chance, if that's what you want, but you have to tell me now. I'm not sure I'll ever find the strength to offer it again."

Every insecurity that had been whispering in my ear all night long suddenly started screaming. I felt my mouth fall slightly open, my heart start pounding like it was trying to escape my chest. "You want me to move to Jacksonville...without you?" Hurt flooded through me like a living force.

But his answer was immediate and unequivocal, calming my fluttering heart slightly. "No. What I want is to keep you forever. In fact...I want to talk to you about that, Bella, very soon. But first, I need to know I've at least given you the option of a normal human life, or I'll never be able to forgive myself."

The tears were coming again, and I didn't want that. So I launched myself at him desperately. I threw my arms around his neck, molded myself to him tightly, buried my face in his neck. He was surprised, but his arms closed around me instantly.

"Please don't say things like that," I begged him, and my voice was shaky. "You can't - you can't say things like that to me. You can't talk about leaving me."

His arms clutched me against him. "That's what you heard? God, Bella...why can't I read your mind?" His frustration with that fact had never been more evident. If he squeezed me any harder, he was going to hurt me, and he must have realized it. Carefully, deliberately, he pried me off of him and held me where he could see me. "The only reason I offered to let you walk away from me is because I already know I'm not capable of walking away from _you_. I've tried. Bella, you're...you have no idea..."

But words weren't what I wanted, not if he wasn't going to say the one I so desperately needed to hear. I crashed my lips into his, cutting him off. I kissed him with wild abandon and zero restraint. I had taken him so by surprise that I actually managed to turn myself to face him, getting onto my knees between his legs. I let my hands tangle in his hair, tugging him closer. His hands shot to my hips, stopping me when I made a move to straddle him.

I was too desperate, too emotional and insecure, going after him for all the wrong reasons, and I knew it. It didn't make me feel better that he seemed to know it too. He didn't share my intensity. He returned my kisses, but carefully, controlled, not letting me escalate things any further. His hands gripped my waist, keeping me a careful distance away. He gently pushed my hands away when I tried to take his shirt off. He was in complete and total control of himself, and if anything, he seemed even less tempted than usual.

Frustration flooded me, along with a healthy dose of mortification at his too-polite rejection.

As soon as I could while still preserving any dignity at all, I pulled away and muttered something about going back to sleep. I heard him sigh, gently say my name, but I wouldn't look at him. When I flopped onto my side with my back to him, he spooned himself around me anyway, his arm wrapping securely around my waist and tugging me back close to his chest. I was pouting — I'll freely admit it — but he didn't let me wriggle away from him and put any space between us.

"I love you, Bella," he told me, his voice steady and clear. "And I always will. I'm not going anywhere. You know that, right?"

It took far longer than it should have for me to answer, and I still didn't answer his question. "I love you too," I muttered finally, my tone really not matching my words.

It took me forever to fall asleep, but I didn't risk moving again. Mostly because I was too much of a coward to look him in the eye.

* * *

Day 2

Sunday passed in a blur. I slept until nearly noon, far later than I had intended for Renee's last day in Forks. But no one had wanted to wake me up when I was finally getting some rest in my own bed, probably least of all Edward.

Charlie was the one who finally woke me up to make sure I was okay, and of course Edward was nowhere to be seen by the time Charlie came in.

But Edward knocked on the front door half an hour later, just after lunch — or in my case, breakfast. His Volvo was back in my driveway, but I had the feeling he had never gone far. Whatever was going on with me, he'd no doubt called in reinforcements and Alice was all over it. I had no doubt she was part of the reason Edward had looked worried before I ever opened the door the night before. Maybe they could both save me some trouble and just tell me what the hell was wrong with me.

Charlie was eventually going to start grumbling about Edward's presence again, but for the time being, Renee had him the most upset. During breakfast/lunch, he had stared at his newspaper while he ate, and then he cleared out of the kitchen pretty fast when it was over. He poked his head in to see who was at the door, and he did manage a little scowl when he saw it was Edward, but he didn't stick around. He was too busy giving Renee a wide berth.

I spent the short afternoon visiting with Renee again, but I don't remember much of it. It was a surreal blur, one that felt like I was on my way to the gallows. She was really going to leave him again, when everything about her body language since the hospital had said she still loved him too. It hurt to watch.

I do remember one thing about that afternoon. Edward never left my side for a second, and Renee noticed it. She disapproved. She was drawing the same parallels as me, only in reverse. It didn't help my insecurities.

When the time came for Charlie to drive Renee to the airport — because he was still way too chivalrous to just let her take a cab — Edward invited himself along for the ride. I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to let me out of his sight, given my mood. Amazingly, Charlie didn't complain, probably because an extra buffer between him and Renee was just fine with him, at that point, even if it was Edward.

He sat in the back seat right behind Charlie, but when I got in the other side and he extended his arm toward me in offering, it was clear he had hoped I'd slide all the way into the middle beside him. I wanted to, but I didn't. I felt strangely hesitant to initiate contact after what had happened the night before, even when it was clear that he wanted me to. I sat stiffly behind Renee, instead. I could feel his eyes on me for several long moments before he reached across and tentatively took my hand in his, resting our linked hands on the seat between us for the entire ride to Sea-Tac.

After my tearful goodbye with Renee just outside the car, he didn't give me the choice. When I slid back into the back seat for the ride home, tears still falling down my face, his arm was waiting to catch me around the waist and slide me across the seat to him. He tucked me firmly up against his side. If he'd expected me to resist, he would have been wrong. I buried my face in his shoulder and held onto him just as tightly as he held onto me. His shirt was completely damp within minutes from the tears leaking down my cheeks, but if he even noticed, he didn't say anything.

It was a very, very quiet ride home. The only thing more quiet was my house that night. Charlie disappeared into his room immediately, and Edward and I weren't far behind in disappearing into mine. I didn't have much to say, but Edward didn't seem to mind just holding me and letting me cry off and on. I was expecting an interrogation about why I clung to him one second and avoided his touch the next, but it never came. It was a good thing, because I didn't know the answers myself.

The only thing he ever said, occasionally, was "I'm here, Bella."

It was earlier than usual when I excused myself to the bathroom to get ready for bed, popping my second of the seven little sedative pills and hoping it would just make me _forget_ for a while.

Why wouldn't he just _say_ it?

* * *

Days 3-7

Over both Charlie's and Edward's separate objections — Edward's being the more vehement of the two — I insisted on going back to school the next morning, Monday. I had woken up before dawn, and I felt more than a little trapped at home. I couldn't sit in that house for one more minute.

I won both arguments.

Charlie wasn't overly fond of the idea of letting Edward drive me to and from school, carry all my stuff, and help me limp all over campus. But given the fact that I was still endangering myself and others with crutches — as well as the fact that no matter how much Charlie loved me, he still had to go to work — even he had to admit that Edward's help was necessary. Well, "a necessary evil" were his exact words. Edward seemed more amused by the irony of that phrase than offended, so I let it go.

Necessary or not, it still didn't mean Charlie had to like it. He'd have liked it even less if he knew that my crutches never made it out of Edward's car at school, that Edward's arm stayed near permanently welded around my waist, bearing literally all of my weight as I pretended to "hop" from class to class. He blatantly charmed and dazzled teachers and faculty as he went, putting a quick stop to any objections before they got started.

Charlie would have hated it even more if he'd known that any time he saw he could get away with it, Edward just picked me up and carried me. That happened more often when Mike Newton and a few others were around, I noticed. Edward seemed to take particular exception to them, all of a sudden — or maybe he was just more open about it than he'd been in the past. I couldn't hear it, but since I was pressed up against him, I could _feel_ the low growl in his chest whenever Mike got too close or overly solicitous.

The time Mike walked up and wrapped an arm around my waist on the opposite side of me from Edward, grabbing my still-healing wrist to throw my arm around his shoulders so he could "help" support me, I wondered how anybody in the vicinity could even _look_ at Edward and not know he was a vampire. He almost scared _me_. Mike made himself scarce pretty quickly after that, actually.

During the school day, I was better, my insecurities and fears seeming farther away. In fact, the first week of school went much like that Monday, the days blurring together with the exhaustion of getting back into my routine when I was still recovering. Edward would slip out of my room in the morning, before Charlie came in to check on me, and run home to change. Then he would return in his car to pick me up for school, like he hadn't just been there all night.

All in all, that routine wasn't so very different from the one we'd been falling into before James.

There was one notable difference, though, and that was in the intensity of Edward's kiss any time he had to leave me. That had definitely changed. Ever since I'd withdrawn from him that first night back at home, there was a desperation in his kiss any time he had to leave my side, in the way his hands clutched me to him, almost like he was afraid it was the last time he'd ever touch me.

To be fair, I didn't exactly discourage the practice. That intensity from him was something I needed, something I _craved._

I was still stinging from his rejection when I had thrown myself at him in my bed that first night home. It wasn't like it was the first time Edward had been the one to put on the brakes. It was just the one that hurt the most, given that he'd just been trying to ship me off to Jacksonville. Without him.

Every ounce of my being shied away from that happening again. Every kiss we'd shared since then, he'd been the one to initiate it. I was hesitant even to touch him first, and he'd definitely noticed that fact.

If I had been trying to find a way to ramp up his intensity, I couldn't have found a better one. Edward kissed me now like he wanted to inhale me whole. I kissed him back, was receptive to his touch, but I was also the first to pull away, every time, despite the hurt I could see in his eyes when I did. It wasn't intentional on my part. I was hurting too. I just wasn't sure how to get back to where we'd been. If he pushed me away again, while still denying me as his mate, I wasn't sure I could handle it.

But all that aside, for my first week back at school, life fell into a pretty predictable pattern: Wake up in Edward's arms. Get kissed until I couldn't breathe before he had to leave. Get ready for school and eat breakfast in a daze. Go to school with Edward, as soon as he was done kissing me senseless in his car the very second the car doors were shut in the morning. Come home with Edward. Do homework and eat dinner with a very morose Charlie. Sleep peacefully in Edward's arms, thanks to Carlisle's magical little sleeping pills. Repeat.

The whole week, he still never brought up the topic again of me being his mate, and that did nothing for my insecurities. In the hospital, he'd promised we would discuss it again. So far, that was now the first promise he'd ever broken. I didn't have the nerve to bring it up myself, especially since it didn't seem like something he really wanted to talk about.

* * *

Day 8

Saturday night, one week after I came home, was my first night sleeping without a sedative. I went to sleep peacefully enough, curled against Edward's chest after he gave up waiting for me to come to him and just pulled me into his arms himself. I didn't really give it too much thought.

But that didn't last for long. That was the night the nightmares started.

They weren't linear. They didn't proceed from one event to the next in any type of sequence. It was more of a swirling vortex of horror, James and Victoria, James and Renee, James and _me._

Blood. Pain. Death.

But that wasn't the worst of it, not by a long shot.

I was _alone_ when I died.

In every moment of my horrible nightmares, there was no Edward. I screamed his name, running through the forest looking for him, begging him to help me, but he wasn't there.

_Edward, come back. Edward, help me. Edward, don't leave me._

He didn't come. He didn't _care._

When I crossed from the sleep world back into the real one, I was still fighting, still struggling with the imaginary James in my nightmare, desperate to escape his iron grip.

I was also still screaming for Edward at the top of my lungs.

At the moment I began to become aware of my surroundings, I was still held in an unbreakable grasp, but no one was hurting me. I was locked tightly in Edward's arms, sitting upright in his lap where he'd pulled me, held close to his chest. One of his hands was in my hair, his face buried there too as he desperately tried to calm me.

As his words started to make sense, there was no doubt that he'd heard enough of my screams to know exactly what had been happening in my dream.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here. _Shhhh..._ I've got you. Damn it, I'm right _here!_ Wake up. Please wake up. I'm _here_."

He rocked me back and forth while I shook against him, gasping for air. When I realized where I was, I stopped fighting him and grabbed hold of him instead, near clawing at him in my desperation.

When I sobbed his name into his shoulder and held on for all I was worth, I felt his entire body sag with relief.

"Is she awake? Bells, can you hear me?"

That hushed voice wasn't Edward, I realized with no small amount of horror, turning my face out of Edward's shoulder to see _Charlie_ kneeling next to the bed, eyes wide if still a little bleary from sleep. Concern was etched deeply into his face. He reached out to me too, one of his hands on my back, the other gripping my knee. I wondered how I hadn't noticed the warmth before.

How long had he been there? Apparently long enough to get past his initial shock over finding Edward in my bed, long enough for the two of them to start working together to help me, because he wasn't waving a gun around and making threats. It probably helped that we were both fully clothed and Edward was clearly just comforting me, but the entire thing was surreal. I must have been screaming for quite a while for Charlie to get to that point.

"I'm okay," I managed to gasp out, but it probably didn't reassure either of them. I was breathless, shaking and gulping, and Edward pulled me closer. Charlie gripped my knee a little tighter.

"What the hell happened, Bella?" Charlie asked me, completely focused on me rather than on the boyfriend he'd just found in my bed. I'd recovered enough for mortification to start seeping in. "I thought you were doing okay. Why now?"

The question was ultimately pretty rhetorical, so I just hid my blushing face in Edward's shoulder and let him deal with Charlie until I could breathe again. If that made me a coward, I was okay with that. Edward didn't seem to mind. His hand moved to the back of my head, holding me to him. It was a protective gesture. He was more than willing to do anything I needed him to, even run interference with Charlie. But I could feel his hands shaking as he held me, and not because of my father.

"She ran out of sleeping pills tonight," he offered by way of explanation, and of course, he was right.

"Sleeping pills?" Charlie repeated, a little incredulously. If anything, he seemed sheepish that Edward knew that and he didn't. He'd been distracted since Renee left. He shouldn't have felt too bad. I hadn't told Edward either. He just knew.

"Carlisle prescribed them to her. He thought it might help for a few days, while she's still recovering." If Charlie caught that Edward referred to his father by his first name, he let it go. But Edward didn't usually make slipups like that.

"Look at me, Bells," Charlie commanded then, and I jumped just a little. Edward's arms tightened in response. But Charlie's eyes were soft when I turned my head and focused on his face, without lifting my cheek from Edward's shoulder. "Are you okay now? Do you need anything? I can call a doctor or...or your mother."

I had at least got my breathing under control, but tears sprang to my eyes at that last part. "I'm fine, Dad. Really." A tiny, residual little sob worked its way out of me and I shuddered. "But I don't want to go back to sleep."

That was all it took for Charlie to remember Edward's presence in my room. His eyes narrowed as he focused in on him, but Charlie had heard the same screams as Edward. Even he didn't have the heart to take him away from me when I'd just woke up screaming for him, and that fact tempered his response. After all, it wasn't like anything he might worry about was going to be happening that night, given my state.

He sighed heavily and skewered Edward with a glare, but even I could see it was half-hearted. "I guess it's a good thing you were here, but just for the hell of it, do you want to tell me what you were doing in my house in the middle of the night? Not that I'm really surprised."

That was...not the reaction I would have expected. He wasn't even _surprised_?

But Edward hesitated almost comically, his mouth opening wordlessly, and for one horrifying second I thought a hysterical giggle would escape me. It pushed its way out as a lingering sob instead, along with a shudder, and Edward's hands rubbed me soothingly on autopilot. But his face was still frozen. This was definitely not a situation he had probably ever anticipated finding himself in back in 1918, trying to explain his presence in his girlfriend's bed in the middle of the night to her father.

"I was worried about her tonight, sir," Edward finally settled on, and that was sincere enough that I knew it was probably the truth. He was putting an effort into trying to sound 17 and doing a better job than normal. "I just wanted to see for myself that she was okay."

Charlie still sounded annoyed. "How did you get in here, anyway?"

"The window."

My head popped up from Edward's shoulder so fast, I'm surprised my neck didn't break. I stared at him in horror, my nightmare temporarily forgotten. What was he _doing?_ But the corner of his lip was turned up, ever so slightly. It turned up more when Charlie got up and stormed over to the window to see for himself.

"Is that my ladder?"

I very nearly jumped out of Edward's lap to go see for myself too. Since when did Edward need a ladder?

"Yes, sir. The, uh, lock on your tool shed is broken."

Edward glanced in my direction, and his eyes twinkled just a little when he took in the completely baffled, horrified expression on my face, way too similar to Charlie's not to be amusing. " _Alice,_ " he leaned over and whispered in my ear by way of explanation, while my father was still fuming at the window. He squeezed me lightly, but I was busy. My head was spinning trying to imagine tiny little Alice out there in the dark, breaking into tool sheds and hefting ladders around to plant them outside my window and save her brother from himself. It was...endearing.

Edward's expression was serious again by the time Charlie turned back around, hands on hips and a glare starting to form. Edward headed him off at the pass.

"Chief Swan, I was only concerned for Bella's wellbeing. I can assure you that my intentions toward your daughter are honorable."

It was a decidedly non-modern thing to say. If I wasn't still coming down from a truly awful experience, I'd have rolled my eyes right along with Charlie. He couldn't have looked more horrified if Edward had just informed him that he was planning to throw me into an active volcano as a virgin sacrifice.

Charlie held a hand up in the classic _stop_ gesture, wincing. "Yeah...okay, I don't really need to hear this. Just...this door stays open tonight, all right? We can hash this all out tomorrow. If your parents don't know where you are, call them."

"Yes, sir."

Charlie was halfway out my door before he turned back around. "And kid? Just use the damn door from now on. I'd hate for you to break your neck before I can break it for you."

* * *

Neither of us moved or said a word until Charlie's steps had faded down the hallway, his bedroom door slamming behind him. So much for open doors.

I was still sitting bolt upright in Edward's lap. He was tense through and through, not sure how I was going to react — to what had just happened, or to him in general. He was still looking toward the door when he hesitantly called my name.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I nodded slightly, even though he wasn't looking at me. "I think so."

There was a long pause, like that answer hadn't really satisfied him.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"If there was ever a time that I need you to tell me what you're thinking..."

But my reaction surprised even me. The horror of the nightmare had been surpassed by the horrors of Charlie. A tiny little laugh shot out of my chest, unexpectedly. "I'm thinking, wow. So that just happened."

Edward relaxed a little at hearing me sound somewhat normal, seemingly comfortable in his arms. When he looked at me, there was both quiet amusement and apology in his eyes. A smile was threatening to break through. "I'm sorry for that. I knew he was coming, but I couldn't bring myself to leave you."

I shook my head, suppressing a shudder at the very thought of waking up after _that_ dream to find him gone. "It's okay. He took that surprisingly well."

"Not at first." His lopsided smile briefly flashed across his face. I'd forgotten how much I loved it. "Not at first. It took him a minute to realize what was going on, and I wasn't much help. I kind of had my hands full at the time, both literally and figuratively. He figured it out for himself, eventually."

"What's he thinking now?" I asked.

I'd have loved to know the entirety of what he heard in Charlie's thoughts. The look on Edward's face said there was very little chance that he was ever going to give me more than the heavily edited version. The corner of his lip lifted slightly.

"He's coming around. He's seen enough recently to know that I would never hurt you. But Charlie was 17 at some point too, apparently, which is his main motivation for still wanting to throw me right back out that window."

Charlie at 17. I wrinkled my nose. "Ew. That's gross."

Edward's eyes sparkled happily at seeing me so relaxed with him. "Be thankful you can't read minds. And you don't have to worry. He has no intention of hashing this out tomorrow. Or ever. He doesn't want to admit it, but he's accepted that I'm likely a permanent part of your life. He knows that I'll take good care of you, at the very least, and that goes a long way."

_Likely_. That one word was all it took for my insecurities about the future to flood back in, even if part of me understood he was talking from Charlie's perspective.

I looked away, suddenly feeling shy. All too aware that I was still sitting in his lap, I decided to remove myself before he could do it for me. Avoiding any type of perceived rejection from Edward had become an unhealthy habit in the past few days.

"That's good, I guess," I responded to his words, but my voice was shaking as I moved off of his lap onto the bed, leaving about a foot of space between us. I drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around them.

He went very, very still when I did that. I heard him draw a shaky breath.

"Bella...when are you going to tell me what I've done wrong?"

His tone was quiet, gentle. I didn't pretend not to know what he meant. It would have been a slap in the face. But I hadn't expected him to ask outright, either. I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, and they were so worried, so _kind,_ that I felt my tears welling up immediately.

"Nothing," I told him quickly. "You didn't do anything. Really."

"In the hospital, you were so sure of me — completely trusting and understanding, beyond what I deserve. I've no right to complain, but will you tell me what happened to change that? You seem convinced that I'm going to abandon you, even in your sleep, although I don't begin to understand why. Have I given you reason to doubt me?"

He was still gentleman enough not to call me out on my physical withdrawals from his touch.

I couldn't even look at him. I closed my eyes, felt a tear splash down my cheek. "It's not you I doubt," I whispered. "It's me."

"I don't," he told me softly. "I don't doubt you at all, Bella. I've never been so sure of anything in my very long life."

I opened my eyes in time to see his hand barely twitch toward me, a barely restrained urge to reach out and touch me, wipe my tear away, _something_ — and something inside me broke.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he answered immediately, and his heart was in his eyes. "Please, Bella. _Talk_ to me."

I could feel my heart thudding in my ears.

"Why won't you say it?" I whispered, and felt another tear fall.

He blinked, his brows knitting together with confusion. "Bella, I — why won't I say _what_?" I was losing my nerve, and when I looked away, his hand shot out to cover both of mine where they clutched my drawn-up knees. "No...look at me. Please." He insisted gently. "What have I not said?"

I was determined not to be a coward and hide my face. So I drew a shaky breath, looked him right in the eye, and just blurted it out. "Carlisle already told me that I'm your mate."

Not being a coward paid off. I was able to see how wide his eyes went before he reined it in and got his reaction under control. A second later, other than one eyebrow that quirked toward the sky, he was a carefully controlled mask. "Did he, now?"

I licked my lips, trying not to get sidetracked by how his eyes automatically tracked the motion of my tongue, and I tried again.

"He told me — and I quote — that human or not, I'm your mate." Nervously, I pulled my hands away and shifted to sit crosslegged, counting off on my fingers as I laid out the rest of my evidence. "Even before you told me about Carlisle's theory, back on the night we first left, you said that Victoria would want revenge if you killed James because he was her mate. Then you said you understood why, but it seemed like you meant you had...personal understanding of it. And in the woods, you told Carlisle that he 'knows what I am to you', but you didn't say what that is, exactly."

"Everything," he answered immediately, and reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, smiling softly. "That's what you are to me. Everything."

I wasn't sure how to ask what I was asking. Insecurity had me by the throat, and I started twisting my fingers together in my lap. My eyes dropped to my hands.

"Is that all?" I whispered, not daring look at him.

I was vaguely aware of the absurdity of that question. I wanted more than everything? I didn't even fully understand what I was talking about.

Why had I brought this up at all? I was making a fool of myself. A fresh wave of tears pricked at my eyes, threatening to fall. Edward wasn't saying anything. Maybe he didn't _want_ me to be his mate. I was a half second shy of muttering something about needing a human minute and fleeing to the relative safety of the bathroom, where at least I wouldn't have to look at him anymore. Maybe I could just sleep there too. Maybe I could just never look at him again.

Then I heard the shaky, ragged way he was breathing, and my traitorous eyes went to his face like a moth to the flame.

His eyes were almost completely black, when they had most definitely not looked like that before. My breath caught in my throat. He leaned slightly forward toward me, leaning on fists that were clenched tightly. He looked _dangerous_ , but not in a way that made me want to run. It was in a way that made my guts clench and sent butterflies skittering through my stomach.

Suddenly, my question didn't seem so silly.

"Is that all?" I repeated, looking into his dark eyes this time.

His hands shot out to grab me and lift me, with no warning, hauling me into his lap. I landed with an _oomph_ , straddling his thighs, our faces inches apart. My eyes were wide, my lips parted with shock.

"Damn it, Bella, not even close," he growled.

And his hands were in my hair then, holding my head still as he sealed our mouths together. His tongue pushed its way in, making itself at home, and all I could do was _feel_. My hands gripped his shirt, holding on for dear life. He kept one hand tangled through my hair, palming the back of my head. His other arm he abruptly wrapped around my hips, holding me still and keeping me slightly shy of where I wanted to be.

He kissed me until I was lightheaded, only breaking away when I desperately needed to breathe.

His mouth went to my ear, then, and the hand in my hair tightened, holding me in place as he spoke right into the shell of my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"You want to know why I wouldn't say it that night? Why I don't dare bring it up? Because of _this._ I can barely even think it without losing control. But you _are_ my mate, Bella. _Mine._ "

Slowly, he pulled back, still holding my head steady with the hand he had tangled in my hair. His eyes were dark as ever when he locked them on mine, and he trembled slightly with the effort it was taking him to stay in control. But there was a flicker of fear there, too, as he waited for my reaction.

He was waiting for the running and the screaming again, I realized. He had taken a risk putting himself out there like that, revealing the full possessiveness of his vampire nature, and now he wasn't sure he hadn't finally scared me off.

He needn't have worried. Like flipping off a light switch, that burning emptiness inside me was gone, the insecurities that had plagued me flying right out the window.

If I had ever doubted Carlisle's theory, I didn't any longer. My reaction proved it. It was primal, and just a little scary, but I had no doubt of it: what I had needed was for my mate to _claim_ me. Feeling denied by him had nearly destroyed me emotionally, just as surely as his absence in the hospital had affected me physically.

Just as quickly, another thought hit me.

Supposedly, the bond was even more powerful for him. Did he have the same need?

If there was any chance of that, it was time to make my point just as clearly as he had made his, I decided. I was going to throw caution out the window and let pure instinct take over. It had served me well so far tonight. I was going to stake my claim too.

I licked my kiss-swollen lips nervously, flattening my hands out on his chest possessively and giving in to the longstanding urge to let them slowly caress and explore. I enjoyed the feel of his chest muscles through his shirt just a little too much, especially when they involuntarily jumped under my hands. In short, I was copping a feel.

"Does that mean you're my mate too?" I asked, distantly wondering where the hell the throaty quality to my voice had come from. I was rewarded with his eyes growing impossibly darker. My hands, of their own volition, slid toward his stomach, and those muscles were clenching and rippling in a very satisfying manner as well. "If I belong to you...I want you to belong to me too."

For the sake of clarity, I let my hands drift just a little lower.

His hands reflexively gripped me a little harder, yanking me back up against him. His lips were millimeters from mine. "You're going to be the death of me, Bella," he gritted out with a voice so gravelly that my insides _melted._

Everything tilted, and I found myself on my back with Edward hovering above me, holding my wrists to the bed on either side of my head, effectively stopping my wandering fingers. He very carefully didn't touch me with his body. It was clear he was stretched to the outer limits of his control. His weight was on his knees as he straddled me, not touching me anywhere other than his hands. Slowly, he slid his hands up my wrists until our palms met, and he pressed them deeper into the bed. I slid my fingers through his, enjoying the way they tightened down immediately to lock our hands together.

His voice was strained. "I'm going to say this one time. I've belonged to you since the first day I saw you. _Yes_. I'm your mate too. But right now, all I can think about is giving you a demonstration of _exactly_ what that means, which is why we're going to change the subject. I'm losing control."

"Maybe I want you to." What in the world had gotten into me? I blushed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. And if Edward's reaction was any indication, my blush wasn't helping matters. There was a rumble, not quite a growl, deep in his chest. Not the furious snarls I'd heard when he fought James. Not even the ones outside the grocery store when he'd lusted for my blood. This meant something different, and I had a pretty good idea what.

"You have no idea what you're saying. New topic, Bella."

I huffed, a little frustrated in several different ways.

And then, since I'd already waved a cheery goodbye to both insecurities and my own control, I narrowed my eyes and went for the proverbial jugular.

"Fine. New topic. When are you going to change me, to make me like you?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, his hands gripping mine a little tighter. "This is your idea of a distraction?"

"I heard what you said to Carlisle in the woods. I know you didn't want James to do it. Does that mean you want to be the one to...to bite me? That you want it to be _your_ venom inside me?"

I had very nearly lost my nerve and started stammering halfway through that, and the look on his face didn't help. His eyes popped open as soon as I mentioned James, staring into me like he could see all the way to my soul. By the time I was done, multiple emotions had run across his face, from shock to anger to lust to fear and back again.

The one he finally settled on surprised me.

He _laughed_.

It wasn't really an amused sound. It was more of a resigned, tortured one.

With a longsuffering groan, he let go of me and rolled over to his back beside me, dropping an arm across his eyes.

"I suppose I asked for that." He left his arm across his eyes. "You managed to choose the one topic that makes matters worse for me right now."

"Well?" I tried again looking sideways at him. It was getting harder to keep my nerve up. I'd just made a very big assumption there, that he _wanted_ to change me and keep me around forever.

"You conveniently skipped over the part where I mentioned how I feel about taking away your soul," he reminded me, his tone unreadable to me.

It wasn't exactly a no or a rejection, but it was close enough that I heard it as one.

Only he wasn't just rejecting my body anymore. Apparently, now I'd thrown my soul at him too, and he didn't want that either. I sat up angrily.

"My soul? I don't care. The only forever I want is one with you. And I thought that you..." I trailed off, feeling both angry and foolish.

My humiliation must have come through in my voice, because he immediately lifted his arm off of his eyes with alarm, seeking out my face. I stared at my fingers instead, drawing designs on the bedcovers in front of me. In a heartbeat, he was sitting up beside me, taking my hands in his to still them. He tilted his head, trying to make me meet his eyes.

"Hey...look at me." His tone was so exquisitely tender that I couldn't help it. I obeyed instantly and saw his frown when he saw how watery my eyes had become. His voice was a ragged whisper. "Have you heard a word I said tonight? I want that too."

Unwanted tears welled up. I did still have one lingering insecurity, it seemed. "But you don't want to change me. And because I'm human, you don't want to touch me either. How is that fair?"

He inhaled sharply. "You think I don't want you? When I say no, it has nothing to do with what I _want_ , Bella. Can't you see that? It never has. If _any_ of this was about what I want..." His jaw clenched, his hands on mine tightening.

One tear chose that moment to break free and slip down my face, and it was his undoing. Slowly, _agonizingly_ slowly, his hand came up and cupped my cheek and his thumb brushed away my tear. He searched my eyes as his thumb kept up its slow caress. Then, just as slowly, he leaned in toward me and softly kissed my lips. A tiny little sob escaped me, and his other arm wrapped around my waist, gently pulling me closer. His lips traveled to my forehead, each eyelid, and back down my face, dropping tiny, sweet kisses, before he captured my lips again.

This kiss was different. It was just as slow, just as soft, but there was an underlying passion to it that made my insides melt. His tongue traced my lower lip, slipping inside when I parted my lips in response. He deepened the kiss, and the little groan in his throat had me pushing closer to him, desperate for more.

Ever so slowly, he leaned me back, his arm around my waist controlling the movement as he lowered me to the bed, hovering over me. His lips never left mine until my head hit the pillow, and then they started blazing a path down my chin to my throat. I arched my back, tipping my head back to give him access, and the noise he made shot arousal through my entire body. It was as close to a growl as it could get without sounding menacing. Fear was definitely not what I felt.

He pulled his arm out from under me, and I felt his hand travel from my waist down my hip, to my thigh, caressing the whole time, while his lips on my neck drove me close to the point of insanity. My breath was coming in short bursts, and all I could think was _more._

I whimpered with surprise when he made the first sudden move he'd made, unexpectedly tugging my leg up to hitch it over his hip. His fingers stayed splayed out across my thigh, holding me there.

His mouth abruptly stopped its sweet torture on my neck when he raised his head to look me straight in the eye. He held eye contact as he carefully, deliberately, pressed his hips forward, letting me _feel_ him against me for the first time, leaving zero doubt about whether or not he desired me. I inhaled sharply, my whole body arching into him when my hips involuntarily jerked.

He arched an eyebrow at me. "Do you feel what you do to me, Isabella Swan?" he asked, a little unnecessarily, in my dazed opinion. I was already on sensory overload without that _voice_ and those _words_ , oh my _God_.

"Mm-hm," was all I managed, an embarrassing half moan, and his lip quirked in a way so sexy that I just wanted to _bite_ it. No, the irony didn't escape me.

"Good. While we're setting the record straight on things I want..."

His free hand, the one that wasn't still firmly holding my thigh over his hip, tangled itself into my hair, resting his weight on his forearm. With his hold on my hair, he tipped my head back as his mouth descended into the curve right at the junction of neck and shoulder. I felt him inhale deeply, smelling the blood that raced through my veins. I was all too aware of my own pounding pulse.

His tongue swept out and ran across that oh-so-sensitive spot, just before his lips abruptly claimed my skin in a hard, sucking kiss. I jerked against him and he held my head fast in place, pinning my hips down with his, leading to some more embarrassingly wanton moaning on my part. For just a split second, I had thought he intended to change me right then. No matter how much I thought I wanted that, my entire body was still trembling.

Yeah. He was definitely getting his point across.

He kept his lips against my neck even when he released me, his cool breath making me shiver. I could feel his lips move when he spoke. "While we're setting the record straight," he repeated, " _Yes._ I want this too. I want to change you, and I want to do it myself, with _my_ venom. I'm still not convinced that ending your life just so I can keep you for all eternity isn't the most heinous act I'll ever commit. If you'd asked me a week ago, I never intended to let myself seriously consider it. But now..."

My breath caught. I reached up to grab his face, trying to pull him to where I could see him. He dropped another cold but searing openmouthed kiss on my neck before obliging, but he did pull back to where I could see him. "A week ago...Carlisle's theory?" I asked, breathlessly. "That's what changed your mind? That's what you were thinking about that night?"

His eyes glittered at me, so dark I shivered with anticipation. "Yes. Among other things."

That answer wasn't even close to enough.

"Edward, _please,"_ I whispered, my tone begging him.

His breath hissed, and he pulled me harder against him for just a moment. "I thought I was the dangerous one," he growled. He softened his words with a kiss before he gave me what I wanted. "If what Carlisle said is true — which I selfishly choose to believe that it is — then _not_ changing you would be just as unfair to you as doing so. It changes many things, Bella, concerning my intentions for our future."

Hope started to push its way through me.

"Such as?" I tried to say that calmly, which was ridiculous considering how fast my heart was beating. It wasn't like he couldn't hear it.

"My original intention was never to change you, to simply remain as close to you as possible throughout your human life. Denying _myself_ the full experience of my mate is one thing. But knowing now that you feel this bond as intensely as I do, that I'm your mate every bit as much as you're mine, denying you is quite another. That's what was happening to you this week, Bella, and I'm truly sorry I didn't see it for what it was before tonight, that you needed to hear me stake my claim just as much as I needed to do it.

"I was trying to protect us both, blinded by my own insecurities that you could accept that side of me. I only knew your trust in me had been shaken, and Alice confirmed it, but neither of us could see why. But now that I know the truth, it's made my decision for me. Simply put, I won't deny you again, not even for the sake of your soul. I got a taste of what being denied by your mate feels like this week, when you pulled away from me, and it nearly drove me mad. I won't risk it. I intend to keep you forever...if you'll have me."

My eyes were wide. He was really going to do it. He was going to change me, make me his forever.

There was only one question left.

"How soon?" I breathed, trembling all over.

Caution filled his expression. "Not immediately. There are things I want first, Bella, both for you and with you, while you're still human."

"Oh...do you mean..." It was a valid question, to my mind, given what I could still feel pressed between my legs, something that had only become more prominent when he was sucking on my neck like he intended to change me that very second.

But a smile played on his lips. "Not that...not until you're changed. I was thinking more like going to prom. Celebrating your 18th birthday. Graduation, for your father's sake. And maybe college?"

I managed to glare at him. "Oh, is that all? You've got to be kidding me."

He lost the battle with the grin. "There _is_ one more. It's actually my favorite and the only one I'm prepared to insist upon, but Alice warned me not to press my luck on that one for a while yet. That buys me a little time. But rest assured I'll be watching for the right moment."

My horrified look wasn't for show. He couldn't possibly mean...

"So whatever it is, it's worse than _prom_?"

His eyes danced with affectionate happiness. "Apparently, you're going to think so."

To my disappointment, he changed our positions, turning us both on our sides facing each other. _Without_ my leg over his hip.

"What if there are things I want first too?" I challenged him.

He kissed me adoringly. "Anything you want. Anything I can give you is yours, Bella. You only have to ask. Money is no object. I can take you anywhere you want to go, give you any experience you want. Nothing would make me happier."

I already had some idea what experience I might want while I was still human. But if he was concealing his most favorite demand, I was saving mine until I needed it.

After all, we had forever in front of us.

THE END!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> This part of the story may end here, but it's not over! Check out my sequel, "Beyond Unreasonable", which picks up where this story leaves off and will cover the New Moon/Eclipse time periods, with Edward and Bella facing an even scarier threat than James.
> 
> *This story came in 4th place in the TwiFanfiction Recs Top 10 Completed Fics in April 2020*


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